Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Mission Inedible

For self-destruct date: See back of packaging.
  (+15, -7)(+15, -7)
(+15, -7)
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This food, should you choose not to eat it, will self destruct on or immediately after the self-destruct date shown.

zt Ballistic Packaging Inc are proud to wrap this food item in our soon-to-be patented Explodawrap™

Packed with highly volatile chemical compounds, each Explodawrap™ contains a tiny slow-fuse, carefully set by experts in our friendly laboratories to detonate silently on a given date indicated in friendly letters on the back of this pack.

The benefits of this fantastic invention are threefold.

One.
Cleanliness: Food no longer can be left to go moldy in one's fridge or freezer. Items past their "Eat Me" date simply explode, clearing themselves up in the process.

Two.
Space-Saving: Auto-self-destructing food items remove themselves thus freeing up valuable shelving space for new, not-moldy foods.

Three.
Convenient: Simply purchase the food item and put it in your fridge. Eat, or don't eat, either way it will be gone before it goes wrong. No more stressing about old food in the fridge.

Please store separately from flammable foods and combustible materials such as vodka, whis-erm-I-mean-Coke and "exotic" Jams.

zt Ballistic Packaging Inc are not responsible for personal injury, immolation or destruction of property caused by usage of our quality products.

zt Ballistic Packaging Inc also acknowledge DF Industries for giving them the idea.

zen_tom, Apr 05 2005

DF Industries _22Absolutely_20Don...t_20After_22_20Date
+ [DesertFox, Apr 07 2005]

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       This would be perfect for vegetables that've been left in the fridge for a long time. Ew, they're slimy and moldy...bleh, gag. The only way I can touch those to throw them away is if I wrap my hands in a few plastic bags. I'd use this Explodawrap of which you speak.
Machiavelli, Apr 05 2005
  

       Yes, you can either buy foods pre-packaged in Explodawrap™ like sandwiches etc - then, once the public catches on, we can start selling it on rolls next to the cellophane and aluminum foil.
zen_tom, Apr 05 2005
  

       Great idea! I love setting my fridge on fire!   

       I won't fishbone this, because it sounds pretty entertaining. But I'm definitely not buying it, either.
disbomber, Apr 05 2005
  

       I don't want to think about what my Jr. High's food fights would have been like if this product had actually existed.

Actually, yeah I do.
AfroAssault, Apr 07 2005
  

       Exploding! +
DesertFox, Apr 07 2005
  

       //Items past their "Eat Me" date simply explode, clearing themselves up in the process.//   

       I've yet to see something that explodes, then cleans itself up.
wagster, Apr 07 2005
  

       My step dad used to do that.   

       zen_tom: [+] And maybe you should add "reasons to disagree": "You just hate exlposions" ...
sophocles, Apr 07 2005
  

       I'd get great pleasure from looking through the store and knowing what I see won't be back.
reensure, Apr 07 2005
  

       [wags] true, but the explosives contained in Explodawrap™ provide a full vapourisation effect - (tests have shown that in isolated occurances, there may be some residue, or evidence of 'mild scorching')
Nothing a wipe with a damp cloth wouldn't fix.
  

       [sophocles] not a bad idea, but there were so few, that I thought I'd leave them out altogether - to save time.
zen_tom, Apr 07 2005
  

       This is actullay a dangerous idea becuase small children could be around or eating the exploding food
heroofmight, Apr 26 2005
  

       how would the explosion clean itself?
heroofmight, Apr 26 2005
  

       India Ink.
bristolz, Apr 26 2005
  

       The noise the explosions would make would be a kind of muted 'foop', things would literally disappear in a puff of smoke.   

       Yes there could be a dangerous element, but no more dangerous than the potential injestion of a mouthful of squirming, infectious Salmonella, Listeria, E.coli, Campylobacter or Clostridium Perfringens.   

       For those who dislike the idea of things exploding in their fridge, there is a secondary product now soon to be introduced, zt's Dissolvo™ the worlds first packing technology to feature Self Dissolving Packaging™, which causes liquification after a given delay period.   

       This product should be used alongside zt's Drainaway™ Fridge/Cupboard collection, featuring small drainage holes through which dissolved food items are simply piped to the nearest waste outlet.
zen_tom, Apr 29 2005
  

       I hate that Clostridium. [+]
methinksnot, May 11 2006
  

       You make a useful point [bigsleep] - Consider a container whose outer shell consists of a pressurised foamy material (like the corn goo they use to make wotsits/cheesypuffs and the like - only not corn) Initially, it looks and acts just like any other product container. However, once the sell-by date is reached - foop! - the rapid expansion of the material is triggered, creating a Clostridium Perfringens-proof, tough foamy barrier between the icky contents interned within, and anyone unfortunate enough to try and consume said contents from without.   

       In addition to providing a tangible barrier to accidental contact with the unwanted food, it also provides a visual aid in determining what's gone off. And, it still goes foop. I'm just not sure about the cheese flavour part.
zen_tom, May 12 2006
  


 

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