Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Leveraging food labelling to boost tourism, with British values*

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Right, now a great deal of food in jars and other packaging seems to say "store in a cool, dark place".

So, why don't we just bribe the label company to add on " like Great Britain" with a small Union Jack? It'll keep the place in the mind of whatever country.

The obvious add-on is to use a drone to pick up that half- finished bottle of brown sauce** in the Buchanan mansion in the Dordoigne, whizz it over to the nearest airport, where is gets Fedexed to the one of the huge warehouses somewhere on the M25, until needed.

* the values in question are temperature (probably in minus Kelvin) and hours of sunlight (very few).

** Does that count as Open Sauce? The IP rights stuff could get tricky....

not_morrison_rm, Aug 17 2015

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       When you say “leveraging food”, you mean with a fulcrum, like in a trebuchet?
Ian Tindale, Aug 17 2015
  

       As an idea I'm not so convinced. But as entertainment, it made me laugh out loud funny. Ha.
blissmiss, Aug 17 2015
  

       I always thought you were laugh out loud funny, blissy.   

       Anyone care to submit 'British values' as an oxymoron?
RayfordSteele, Aug 17 2015
  

       //Anyone care to submit 'British values' as an oxymoron?//   

       Errr, that British values as in degree of genetic drift from mainstream humanity towards gills and webbed fingers, which is more oxygen-gathering than oxymoronic.   

       Anyway, about the franchise out the "cool, dry place" to the Gobi Desert Food Store co, but they'd have to shift everything to the Atacama Dry Goods Inc every summer.   

       And what's going to happen to Aunt Vera's baking powder when it falls off the back of a yak? It's more than my jobs worth, I can tell you.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 17 2015
  

       //half- finished bottle of brown sauce** in the Buchanan mansion in the Dordoigne//   

       Don't be ridiculous. The Dordoigne estate is not a mansion. Why, it's so small that some of groundsmen's cottages can be seen from the north- east ballroom!'
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 17 2015
  

       I'm not quite sure how you expect to attract visitors to Britain by advertising it as cold and dark. Perhaps the number of visiting Eskimos will go up...?
Vernon, Aug 18 2015
  

       Not _cold_ and dark, [Vernon]. _Cool_ and dark.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 18 2015
  

       // British //   

       English values are better. If you wanted "Cold, dark, rainy, windy and generally bleak and inhospitable", that would be scotchland.   

       As for the other provinces, best not mention them.
8th of 7, Aug 18 2015
  

       Exactly. It’s only cold and dark in the winter. And spring. And autumn.   

       Not that we’re particularly aiming to attract more visitors to annoyingly stand on the incorrect side of the escalator on the tube, but I think it’d be a perceived advantage to promote our honesty. “We don’t lie to you” “much” — would be a good catch phrase. If our weather’s like it is, we say so. Everything else is quite good, so we don’t really need to be self-effacing for those things. It’s just the weather that’s useless. We could say “Come to Great Britain and go elsewhere. After all, that’s what we do when the weather gets bad!”.
Ian Tindale, Aug 18 2015
  

       It's only outdoors that the weather gets bad.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 18 2015
  

       Provided the roof is freshly thatched.   

       Makes me wonder: what are the recommended storage conditions of Rentishams?
RayfordSteele, Aug 18 2015
  

       Heh, 8th and I are as one in terms at least of the distinction between "British Values" and "English Values". Discussion of national values in the UK is gussied up as being about "British Values" as a sop to the fringe nations while being solidly and, why not admit it, wholly predicated on "English Values". This sop fools no-one in the fringe nations, but allows the English to believe that they have, by this somewhat anaemic sleight of word, convinced their neighbours that they are in any way engaged with the concerns and values of woad-eating sheep-fuckers and cretinous, emphysemic socialists. Northern Ireland is a special case. It split approx. 50/50 between fostering British Values (this being something very specific and not entirely similar to English Values, other than worshipping the Queen) and rejecting British Values (this being something entirely dissimilar to English Values) while at the same time being entirely united on the issue of traybakes.
calum, Aug 18 2015
  

       // 8th and I are as one //   

       You will become one with the Borg. You will all become one with the Borg.   

       // woad-eating sheep-fuckers and cretinous, emphysemic socialists. //   

       You had to drag the welsh in, didn't you ?
8th of 7, Aug 18 2015
  

       //what are the recommended storage conditions of Rentishams?//   

       We generally advise that, for long-term storage, you keep Rentisham's in your wine cellar or root- store. At a pinch, your boathouse will probably provide a suitable environment (benefitting from the cooling effect of the river). More broadly, the instructions on the tin, tublet or cannister read "Store in a cool place away from sources of ignition."   

       Having said that, Rentisham's is formulated to cope with a wide range of climates, both in use and in storage. The worst that will happen is that the product may separate, in which case its full flegative qualities can be restored by warming it cautiously, stirring well, and allowing to cool.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 18 2015
  

       In fact, exactly the same as for Napalm.
8th of 7, Aug 18 2015
  

       I heard Rentisham's is a more than satisfactory substitute for napalm.
bs0u0155, Aug 18 2015
  

       Rentisham's neither supports nor endorses the use of its products for purposes other than those intended.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 18 2015
  

       "It was not a dark and stormy night, it was a cool and dark place. " like merry olde England |X|   

       bad Hemingway contest fodder.   

       Does brown sauce mean ketchup ?
popbottle, Aug 18 2015
  

       Brown sauce has a better sun tan, and comes with Tamarind, which grows somewhere warm.   

       By the way, is there a reason why there are refrigerators in England?
Ling, Aug 18 2015
  

       Yes, it saves having to go upstairs to wonder why you went upstairs.
Ian Tindale, Aug 19 2015
  

       Yes, because the cold as experienced subjectively owes more to the penetrating damp, and to poorly-targeted bursts of self-deprecation which also spatter innocent bystanders, than it does to the real position on the Kelvin scale. It is therefore no guarantee of freshness.
pertinax, Aug 19 2015
  

       //Yes, because the cold as experienced subjectively owes more to the penetrating damp//   

       you've been to Macclesfield then?
bs0u0155, Aug 19 2015
  

       // Macclesfield //   

       "The horror ... the horror ..."
8th of 7, Aug 19 2015
  

       Macclesfield is not a place. It is a situation.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 20 2015
  
      
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