Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Mystery Pain Identifier (MPI)

Identifies random mysterious pains
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(+8, -7)
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Haven't you ever wondered... What was that shooting pain I just felt in my leg? Why is my eye twitching? Why does my left pinky knuckle hurt today? I have always wanted a device that could be worn on my body, perhaps something really small like an ipod shuffle sized thing, that you could look at whenever you feel some oddball sensation and it would read out exactly what just occured in the body to create the oddball sensation. For instance, you are sitting in the car in the taco bell drive thru when you suddenly have a throbby pain in your earlobe. Check your MPI and it tells you that the aural nerve was temporarily overstimulated by a rush of negative high energy molecules caused by the voice of the pimply teenager who just took your order. Okay maybe it wouldn't be that specific. But it would give you a rating as to the seriousness of the pain you are feeling. Level 1 would be something like Stop Being Such a Puss, Level 5 being Get The Hell to the Doctor Now.
I'mGoingtoMarryJackWhite, Jan 08 2010


       Would the MPI tell you that a gnarly black beetle was gnawing on your ear? Because you could feel around and determine that, or at least determine the general bug on ear situation.
bungston, Jan 08 2010

       WIBNI [I'mGoingtoMarryJackWhite].
leinypoo13, Jan 08 2010

       How would it work?
jutta, Jan 08 2010

       I will say that AFTER the Taco Bell drive through, that what just occurred iinside your body to cause the oddball sensation may soon become both audible and olfactory.   

       I am sorry about your left pinky knuckle.   

       The device could function like a magic 8 ball giving random answers that always seem plausible.   

       I like the idea and writing and idea name. The annotations were correct and I must say they rather kindly said. Click Help for detailed guidelines. Stick around!
Mustardface, Jan 09 2010

       While I was reading that, I felt a slight pinprick sensation in my leg. I also have a bit of a pain in my shoulder. I have no idea what caused either of them nor the multitude of others unmentioned. Things like this happen to me on a near-constant basis so I have no choice but to bun this idea!
Joolin, Jan 09 2010

       Maybe this is a particularly unpleasant form of synesthesia.
jutta, Jan 09 2010

       well, seeing as I am an artist and not a scientist of any sort except maybe of spreading oil paint around I don't really know how this gadget would work. I would think it would have to tie into your nervous system somehow. Uhhh...Maybe some sort of app where you just hold the phone up to your touble spot and it tells you what's wrong. That's seems entirely possible to me, as possible or plausible as any of the other amazing apps out there. Should I rename it Mystery Pain Identifier App?
I'mGoingtoMarryJackWhite, Jan 11 2010

       I would rename it, right after you went and read the help file, maybe?
blissmiss, Jan 11 2010

       Welcome to the 'bakery, [PreMrsWhite].   

       We like "pondery thinky kinda gal"s here, but we also like mechanisms.   

       I'm not a doctor, but I do notice that when you go to a doctor, before selling you some pills, they usually do lots of stuff with blood tests and lifestyle questions, not necessarily in that order. They don't just point an ipod at you.   

       Processing data to come up with a diagnosis would be the easy part. (You and I couldn't do it, but it's easy in principle, assuming that you're willing to tolerate some errors). The hard part would be capturing the data, given that the primary sources are so disparate. What happens if the ipod has a hunch what might be wrong, but needs a stool sample to be sure?
pertinax, Jan 11 2010

       [pertinax] To be fair [IGtMJW] doesn't say *where* on (or in) the body this thing is worn.

//negative high energy molecules//! Anyway, how does thins thing know where the pain is in your body, and how does it know why the pain happened?
hippo, Jan 11 2010

       [pertinax]//Processing data to come up with a diagnosis would be the easy part ... The hard part would be capturing the data, given that the primary sources are so disparate.// That's really astute.
mouseposture, Jan 11 2010

       What would this device say if the misalignment of your underwear caused you to have "afternoon wood" and you are afraid to stand up to adjust your pants and "free" your member from being wedged between your leg and crotch?
Jscotty, Jan 12 2010

       Those pains are communication among our symbionts which use our nervous system as a platform, so the best way to do this is from within the nervous system, by being aware of, and then sharing, as transparently as possible, the information. Work with the bugs, be their vocal chords, with your vocal chords! We are all one!
JesusHChrist, Aug 22 2015

       Doctors could use it and finally give real diagnostics.
pashute, Aug 23 2015

       Did she ever marry Jack White?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 24 2015

       I thought “marrying Jack White” was a euphemism for going on a cocaine bender.
ytk, Aug 27 2015


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