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Necrophiliacs Anonymous Camp

Help For Those Who are Unnaturally Attracted to the Living Impaired
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Wikipedia described a 1989 survey of the reasons that necrophiliacs enjoyed the living impaired. "...motivations for their behaviors: these individuals reported the desire to possess an unresisting and unrejecting partner (68%), reunions with a romantic partner (21%), sexual attraction to corpses (15%), comfort or overcoming feelings of isolation (15%), or seeking self-esteem by expressing power over a homicide victim (12%), or not interested in conversation (5%)..."

So, it seems to the team of experts here at GROGco that the best way to derail this motivation is to provide cadavers in real life scenarios for the campers to interact with. World class ventriloquists will be hidden in and around each cabin to make the cadavers appear to rattle off endless nagging comments to the would-be suitors at the camp:

"...Wally, how many times do I have to tell you to PUT THE SEAT DOWN?..."

"...what, you can't get in here and help with the dishes?..."

"...I wish you'd get that mole removed, it looks like Herbert Hoover..."

It will be an endless and oppressive stream of inane nagging. After many days of this, the campers will then have the opportunity for pleasant and peaceful interactions with camp staff (the live ones) whereupon their proclivities may very well change into something more socially acceptable.

Note: as a precaution, farm animals will be removed from the premises during this phase.

Edit: Thanks to [zen_tom] for pointing out that I spelled anonymous incorrectly in the title!

Grogster, Oct 03 2011

THIS is the second thing I did... http://sexylosers.com/023.html
[normzone, Oct 03 2011]

Realdoll http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RealDoll
Satisfying the desire to possess an unresisting and unrejecting partner for the price of a used car, since 1996. [ye_river_xiv, Oct 03 2011]

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       While it *IS* highly subjective to describe what passes for normal and/or acceptable these days, necrophilia is likely not anywhere near the top of the list. Fear not, Les Miserables, help is on the way! Please see signup sheet at the rear of the auditorium. Bring your wallet.
Grogster, Oct 03 2011

       //not interested in conversation ...// hah!
po, Oct 03 2011

       The FIRST thing I did was scroll down and see who's idea this was.   

normzone, Oct 03 2011

       The first thing I did was add up those percentages!
DrBob, Oct 03 2011

       DrBob, that's fine - presumably the motivations quoted may be felt in combination, rather than as exclusive and independent.   

       Sorry Grogster, but this is probably a case for gross-out humour (and mfd-able as a result). Also, it's probably bad science, on the basis that severe mental illness (such as harbouring an overwhelming desire to have sex with dead people) is unlikely to be overturned by ventriloquists, no matter how well secreted.   

       [edit] mfd's removed - correctly spelled idea titles raise the burden of proof re an [mfd] a little higher than incorrectly spelled ones.
zen_tom, Oct 03 2011

       This is essentially aversion therapy.   

       I believe similar practises were (possibly still are) utilised to 'cure' homosexuals. Given the unmitigated success of those procedures, I see a bright future for Grogsters Dead Camp.
Twizz, Oct 03 2011

       There's just no accounting for taste - what if they like it? What is the medical term for an overwhelming urge to have sex while a ventriloquist provides some form of running commentary? And how do we create aversion therapy for that? On the assumption that we receive a fee for each course of treatment, isn't it worth our while to continue to expose our patients to an ever increasingly weird set of sexual experiences, to which we can make up a medical sounding name, and ever more complicated aversion therapy protocols.   

       e.g. Necroventrilobozo -pavloviphiliacs Aversion Therapy - cost $20,000 a session. The subject is made to conduct sexual intercourse with a corpse, while a ventriloquist insults them and a weeping clown looks on, causing hungry dogs to salivate by the tinkling of a little bell.
zen_tom, Oct 03 2011

       The sick-sentence:   

       "I see to dead people...all the time"
Ling, Oct 03 2011

       it sounds dead boring to me.   

       On the other hand, making it compulsory to be buried with a chained-on ouija board, preferably one with a concealed processor that waits for certain rhythmic motions, it then moves the cup around by electro-magnets to spell out "you call than penis?" or something like that might put off some people and the 5%-ers would feel this counts as a conversation and find other hobbies, like trainspotting or something.
not_morrison_rm, Oct 03 2011

       //There's just no accounting for taste//   

Grogster, Oct 03 2011

       The idea that you can change a sexual preference of any nature by making interaction with the object of such preference unpleasant has been thrown around for a long time. Obviously it is wholly without merit.
Voice, Oct 03 2011

       Have we done the "flogging a dead horse" joke yet?
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 03 2011

       Well, we certainly wouldn't leave one at the camp.
Grogster, Oct 03 2011

       What about people who say they are dying to have sex? Leave their wishes unfulfilled?
rcarty, Oct 03 2011

       // $20,000 a session //   

       The budget alternative to this is a fresh cadaver, some mood music, and a large man with a baseball bat and a very explicit set of instructions.
Alterother, Oct 03 2011

       \\There's just no accounting for tastelessness\\
mouseposture, Oct 03 2011

       Seems to me that the whopping 68% who want a partner who won't resist or reject them could have their urges satisfied with any non-living human-like object, and needn't resort to screwing a dead body. [link]
ye_river_xiv, Oct 03 2011

       Realdoll is a perfect example of something you can make a thousand dollars profit on and sell a thousand of.
rcarty, Oct 04 2011

       [ye_river_xiv], your solution falls short on several comparisons, first and foremost being:   

       I can't make a real doll...
MikeD, Oct 04 2011

       No, but you can blow several thousand bucks on one...   

       This is purely conjecture, but I'd think for a Realdoll to be an acceptable corpse alternative for necrophilia purposes, it would require a special internal refridgeration unit, and perhaps a coat of sickly greenish-white paint...
Alterother, Oct 04 2011

       Are you actually suggesting we would be expected to get up and make our own cup of tea and light our own ciggy after culminating the act? Big balls to that. A cuppa tea and a fag is the best part.
Ah Supp, Oct 05 2011

       I cad 'av 'er.
4whom, Oct 08 2011

Alterother, Oct 08 2011

       Suddenly, zombies...
and then the whole camp degenerates into a necro nom con.


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