"Raymond! You're late to the performance again!"
"I'm sorry, I stopped along the way to"
"Ssshh! The show's starting."
"Odd. You told me that we were going to see the orchestra...
I see is five people standing on the stage. What is this trickery?"
"Well, this isn't any traditional
orchestra. It's rather special, in
Are you familiar with one-man bands?"
"Yes. They're those street performers who play several
once. I recall seeing a man with a bass drum strapped to his
kazoo in his nose, and tambourines on his shoes just last week."
"That's what these men do for a living. But instead of playing
they work togethera sort of one-man band... band. Look,
strapping on their equipment!"
"Fascinating. That strapping fellow off to the left seems to be
blowing into two airbags under his armpits. Ah! The bags go into
two trumpets that he's holding. And he has a tube hanging
neck that goes into the two trombone slides that are strapped
knees. But what's that tube he's sticking down into his rear My
it goes to a tuba!"
"Yes, he's the brass section. He fuels up on beans before every
for the low notes. And that man on the right"
"He must be the woodwinds. Oh, how charming! A piccolo in
nostril, a saxophone in his right hand, and a bassoon strapped
back, with the mouthpiece bending around his neck. And I
how he plays that flute, clarinet and oboe combination in his
"Now see that rotund gentleman in the back, Raymond. He's the
percussion! Poor man, he can never sit down during the show.
mallets on his backside would be quite uncomfortable. Look
uses them to play the timpanis behind him. Of course, he also
high-hat over his head that he plays with a quick foot motion,
crash cymbal as well. He uses the stick on his chin to play the
xylophone and glockenspiel on his chest. And his other foot is
on that marimba."
"You forgot to mention the bass drum, snare, tom-toms and
"All played with his free hand during interludes. Don't forget
woman next to him. She's the string section. Isn't it amazing
uses that extra-long bow to play that row of violins? She has a
on her back, hidden from viewbut who cares about that,
and the cellos are off to her right. If you look closely, you'll see
her stool is actually a double bass, bowed and played with her
"And how resplendent the conductor is, with his many batons
attached to his fingers, elbows, and knees. Is that really
"...No, it isn't. It's more of a stylistic choice, really."
"Wait! Who's that reedy chap stooping in the corner over there?"
"Oh, him? He's the French hornist. They couldn't find a place for