h a l f b a k e r y
Naturally, seismology provides the answer.
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We now know the human genome
We also have a
good idea of which bits of it vary from
person to person.
We can also infer
the genomic sequence of a specific
individual from the sequence of his
descendents (with a bit of statistical
We ought therefore to
to infer the genomic sequence of Mr. Bin
Laden if we throw lots of money at it, and
have access to a few of his
We ought, with a few
million dollars of investment, to be able to
find those very, very, very few alleles
which are specific to Mr. B.
It is also
possible to amplify, detect and sequence
single, chosen DNA molecules using
Ipso facto, we ought to be able
to develop a highly sensitive Osama-
specific PCR test.
Also, If Mr. B is
still alive, he is presumably still
Hence, Mr.B's pee (along with
millions of sloughed cells full of Mr. B's
DNA) is finding it's way into some sewer,
some stream, some river, some
So. Sample the water
from the outlets of the major rivers
around the world. Test those samples
with Osama-specific PCR. One sample
comes up positive. Move inland, and
sample the waters from each of the
tributaries of that river. One comes up
positive. Head up the tributary, sampling
the water from each stream that feeds it.
One comes up positive. Ultimately, you
can trace your way all the way upstream to
Mr. B's urinal. Problem solved, and
hundreds of molecular biologists
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||You put this under "Sport: Hunting"?
||Seems expensive. But I'll bun it for the scientific effort it would mean.
||This has got to be bad science--namely the inference part.
||Truly halfbaked, in all the best senses.
||[+] even though I don't quite get it. Does PCR stand for "Pee Seeer"?
||PCR = Polymerase Chain Reaction.
||//Problem solved, and hundreds of molecular biologists employed.//
||[+] I need a job. When are they hiring?
||//Truly halfbaked// Well, based on past
experiences, that should be more than
sufficient to secure unreasonable
amounts of funding from the US
military. I believe the Goat Killing
project was extensively funded on much
the same basis.
||he could defend himself by storing all his pee in jars.
||Surely he wouldn't do anything so
dastardly? And he's also have to store
all his bath-water (or whatever).
||All well and good but what to do with the info. Even if we find his peepee in the river or Osama was here written in the mountain snow it might not lead us to him and he might have moved on. And what if his flunkies are dumping his pee into some Baghdad water fountain when he is really in ____ (pick hiding spot). But we will know a lot about his genetic makeup so perhaps we can concoct a biological air deliverable virus that attacks only his cells? Spray everywhere (will even cross into Pakistan if the wind is right), add fertilizer and call it a public works program. If properly designed it could assimilate when eaten by animals and taken in by plants. Someday old Bin will eat a plant or animal or even catch a cold that integrated the Osama virus component. The virus has a component that while it replicates in his body a new virus (call it the Onada virus) is also expelled/excreted that like the other virus integrates itself into animals and plants. When the Onanda virus is detected its time for Bushs 3rd term campaign.