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Osama-specific PCR

Person-specific DNA bloodhounding
  (+12, -3)(+12, -3)
(+12, -3)
  [vote for,

We now know the human genome sequence (mostly).
We also have a good idea of which bits of it vary from person to person.
We can also infer the genomic sequence of a specific individual from the sequence of his descendents (with a bit of statistical luck).
We ought therefore to be able to infer the genomic sequence of Mr. Bin Laden if we throw lots of money at it, and have access to a few of his descendents.
We ought, with a few million dollars of investment, to be able to find those very, very, very few alleles which are specific to Mr. B.
It is also possible to amplify, detect and sequence single, chosen DNA molecules using PCR
Ipso facto, we ought to be able to develop a highly sensitive Osama- specific PCR test.
Also, If Mr. B is still alive, he is presumably still peeing
Hence, Mr.B's pee (along with millions of sloughed cells full of Mr. B's DNA) is finding it's way into some sewer, some stream, some river, some ocean.

So. Sample the water from the outlets of the major rivers around the world. Test those samples with Osama-specific PCR. One sample comes up positive. Move inland, and sample the waters from each of the tributaries of that river. One comes up positive. Head up the tributary, sampling the water from each stream that feeds it. One comes up positive. Ultimately, you can trace your way all the way upstream to Mr. B's urinal. Problem solved, and hundreds of molecular biologists employed.
Basepair, Apr 07 2005


       You put this under "Sport: Hunting"?   

DesertFox, Apr 08 2005

       Seems expensive. But I'll bun it for the scientific effort it would mean.
PauloSargaco, Apr 08 2005

       This has got to be bad science--namely the inference part.
yabba do yabba dabba, Apr 08 2005

       Truly halfbaked, in all the best senses.
krelnik, Apr 08 2005

       [+] even though I don't quite get it. Does PCR stand for "Pee Seeer"?
sophocles, Apr 08 2005

       PCR = Polymerase Chain Reaction.   

       //Problem solved, and hundreds of molecular biologists employed.//   

       [+] I need a job. When are they hiring?
darkboy115, Apr 08 2005

       //Truly halfbaked// Well, based on past experiences, that should be more than sufficient to secure unreasonable amounts of funding from the US military. I believe the Goat Killing project was extensively funded on much the same basis.
Basepair, Apr 09 2005

       he could defend himself by storing all his pee in jars.
RBStimers, Apr 10 2005

       Surely he wouldn't do anything so dastardly? And he's also have to store all his bath-water (or whatever).
Basepair, Apr 10 2005

       All well and good but what to do with the info. Even if we find his peepee in the river or “Osama was here” written in the mountain snow it might not lead us to him and he might have moved on. And what if his flunkies are dumping his pee into some Baghdad water fountain when he is really in ____ (pick hiding spot). But we will know a lot about his genetic makeup so perhaps we can concoct a biological air deliverable virus that attacks only his cells? Spray everywhere (will even cross into Pakistan if the wind is right), add fertilizer and call it a public works program. If properly designed it could assimilate when eaten by animals and taken in by plants. Someday old Bin will eat a plant or animal or even catch a cold that integrated the “Osama” virus component. The virus has a component that while it replicates in his body a new virus (call it the “Onada” virus) is also expelled/excreted that like the other virus integrates itself into animals and plants. When the Onanda virus is detected it’s time for Bush’s 3rd term campaign.
Widgit, Apr 10 2005


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