Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Pet Stilts

Inspired by the ill-conceived mating of two other half-bakery ideas – namely “Rolling With Pigs” and “You Are Here… Sort Of”. Someone should really post some kind of “Idea Contraception” idea in order to prevent such bastard offspring as this…
  [vote for,

Don’t get me wrong. I love pets. I really do. In fact, I like some of my friends pet’s more than I actually like their owners - there’s even this one arsehole who I just pretend to be friends with so that I can drop in and visit his big snow-white husky-ish mongrel dog every once in a while.

Thing is, I tend to treat pets like people. I can’t stand people who either just ignore pets entirely or who grab them and start cuddling them as if they’re just some kind of mobile cushion – I think both these approaches show a sense of disrespect, if not ignorance. I always extend my hand to a pet first, let it sniff me at its leisure (kind of an animal handshake), and then let it bugger off or hang around as it sees fit.

But our pets tend to be smaller than we are, and so they find themselves constantly craning their necks in order to look up at us. I have a lot of respect for my cat as a proud and powerful hunter (even though he mostly just stalks empty plastic bags), but when he winds his way around my legs and turns his big moon face plaintively up to me when he wants fed in the morning: well, I find it hard to see him as the sleekly evolved stealthy uber-predator that he actually is.

So – Pet Stilts. Because I have a cat I’ll use one as my example. Start when it’s just a little fuzzy kitten. And begin with tiny kitten-sized platform shoes. As the cat grows, so do the inserts – by the time the puss is fully grown, it’s tottering about on huge (but very comfy) four-foot stilts. Actually it’s not tottering – even when in mad random scat-attack mode, because the cat has grown with the stilts as it has with its own legs, it’s still perfectly balanced and has all the graceful poise of a normal cat as it runs around the walls at 90 degree angles to the floor.

The advantages? Now your pet is at eye level. It doesn’t skulk around your feet anymore – you’re forced to relate to it in a more meaningful way. Forgot to buy cat food? You can’t just feed him double tomorrow. Now he’s right up in your face giving you that hard, hungry stare with a level-headed coldness. Of course, stilt-enhanced cats probably can’t stalk their prey quite as effectively as they might have, but they could easily pounce on low-flying pigeons. Maybe even swat the odd seagull out of the sky. It would do wonders for their self-image: not that I’ve ever met a cat with an inferiority complex, mind you.

The more I think about it (and as you can probably tell, that’s still not a lot), this is probably only an invention that would work with cats. Might be amusing to carry out experimental trials on hamsters, but it definitely wouldn’t work on snakes. Or fish, for that matter.

dustmonkey, May 19 2003

On parade http://www.euronet....s/koolberg/dali.jpg
[thumbwax, Oct 05 2004]

Nice pomegranates http://www.embajada...salvador%20dali.jpg
[thumbwax, Oct 05 2004]

(??) Not hiding in drawers http://www.geschich...ige/images/dali.jpg
[thumbwax, Oct 05 2004]

A Mother of an Idea... http://www.halfbake...lling_20with_20pigs
Inspiration #1 [dustmonkey, Oct 05 2004]

"Who's the Daddy Now?" http://www.halfbake...e_2e_2e_2eSort_20Of
Inspiration #2. Making the Surreal real... As ever, thumbwax is right on the money. [dustmonkey, Oct 05 2004]

fish with stilts (well nearly...) http://www.aquahobb...allery/gleerim.html
//but it definitely wouldn’t work on snakes. Or fish, for that matter// [cevilthedevil, Oct 05 2004]

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       So this isn't, like, long sticks with bits on which you stand, for which you put out food, and of whose crap you're obliged to dispose?   

       (It was physically tiring, rearranging all the prepositions in that last sentence.)   

       Probably for the best - playing "fetch" would be needlessly confusing.
friendlyfire, May 19 2003

       Why don't you just get down on the floor?
waugsqueke, May 19 2003

       Cat on Stilts + Waxed Floor = Great Excitement.   

       My cat always overcame this problem by jumping onto my head/shoulders/chest. Helps to reinforce that whole uber-predator thing.   

       [bliss] - it's possible to say "hewwo" sternly?
Don Quixote, May 20 2003

       Awww, a piglet of an idea...at least for your well behaved cat, who plaintively shows his moon face when he needs to be fed. +   

       On the other hand, the only thing that stops my cat sticking her face in my plate and wolfing down my dinner is the fact that she is too small to reach up to the table. I have the feeling that with a 5ft high cat I would starve very quickly.
cevilthedevil, May 20 2003

       I thought this might be stilts for _you_ to wear after you get dressed so that kitty doesn't rub up against your black trousers right before you go out for dinner.
Cedar Park, May 20 2003

       I think Steve DeGroof posted an idea about misreading / combining titles on 'recent three.'   

       As to the idea at hand, I still don't understand how you can distill liquor from domesticated animals.
snarfyguy, May 20 2003


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