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Polar Burial Helmet

Another Bastard Child Of Necessity
  [vote for,

In northern regions, and I presume, in Antarctica, burial of the dead presents a problem. The ground is either permanently frozen or made of solid ice.

There is an old (somewhat tasteless) joke which suggested the solution of 'sharpening the heads of frozen corpses and pounding them into the ground.' Crude and irreverant, at best.

I would like to introduce the Polar Burial Helmet. The PBH fits on the head of the deceased just like any helmet. It's beauty lies in its shape and material. Made of harder- than- permafrost metal alloys (tungsten carbide-{WC}), and shaped to a pointed 'drill bit' shape on top, the families of persons of the past tense persuasion can easily put their lost loved ones to a dignified rest.

(Comes with a pair of WC boots, to withstand the blows of the funeral sledge.)

Boomershine, Oct 18 2010

Tallboy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tallboy_bomb
They don't make 'em like that any more (sadly). [8th of 7, Oct 18 2010]

Strikers! http://www.youtube....watch?v=mwy2_09M3Bw
[Grogster, Oct 18 2010]

Tragic prototype misadventure results in death - third picture down http://godheadv.blo...ned-on-everest.html
Followed by gruesome images of frostbite and decaying bodies of climbers who died on Everest - interesting but if you are bothered by such things do not scroll past the third picture [normzone, Oct 22 2010]


       Does not go far enough. The helmet should have a rotating drill bit. Funerals would involve a derrick and gravediggers would need oil rig experience
mouseposture, Oct 18 2010

       Good suggestion, [mouse], I imagine a battery pack would do the trick... bun. [+]
Grogster, Oct 18 2010

       [mouse] Are people in warm climes buried with heavy construction equipment, cranes, explosives, etc? No. This is a burial, not an excavation or tunnel building.   

       //Does not go far enough.//   

       6 feet, or so, is sufficient, I believe.   

       I'm fine with the addition of a passive 'drill bit' quality to the helmet. Good idea, and I thank you. [edit]   

       But, please, a little respect for the Pounding Ceremony.
Boomershine, Oct 18 2010

       //Are people in warm climes buried with heavy construction equipmen// Yes, but the backhoe is usually gone before the burial ceremony.
mouseposture, Oct 18 2010

       Love the title.   

       [mouse] I knew that, but you said //Funerals would involve a derrick// Not my idea of a nice funeral. Manual sledge hammers only, if you please.
Boomershine, Oct 18 2010

       Any old blacksmith would be proud to name his own striker before he passes on... In fact, a blacksmith can have as many as SIX strikers (but they better be REALLY experienced to avoid hitting each others hammers). I've seen it done many times and it is a wonder to behold.
Grogster, Oct 18 2010

       [Grog] I'm not sure I'm getting the picture you are describing...Maybe multiple 'strikers' all pounding something (in the case of my idea here, the feet of the deceased) in a choreographed sequence? If so, that is exactly what I had in mind.
Boomershine, Oct 18 2010

       How about a thermite-based helmet, or an electrically- heated one? The deceased could be stood on its head, and the audience could stand around, contemplatively, whilst the body slowly sunk into the ground, surrounded by an eerie mist.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 18 2010

       chilling +
xandram, Oct 18 2010

       I like Max's version.
DrBob, Oct 18 2010

       that [DrBob] said about what [Max] said.
Voice, Oct 18 2010

       //the audience could stand around, contemplatively//   

       And doing what with their funeral sledges? This does sound good, otherwise. I guess the sledges are ceremonial, after all...
Boomershine, Oct 18 2010


       Should get a bun from [8th of 7] soon...
Boomershine, Oct 18 2010

       [Boomer], when a blacksmith pulls iron out of the fire, he has a short amount of time to beat the daylights out of it before it is too cold to hit. He may also have one or more extra strikers with sledges to help pound the iron. The blacksmith sets both the pace and where he wants it hit with his own hammer. The more strikers you have, the faster you get done, but they need to be coordinated or they will crash into each other.
Grogster, Oct 18 2010

       The smell of thermite attracted us to this idea ...   

       But the quantities required to melt deep into permafrost would technically make this cremation rather that internment.   

       Plan B: gravitational penetrator, a la "Tallboy" (Barnes Wallis, obligatory chant of "we are not worthy !")   

8th of 7, Oct 18 2010

       OK, we could go with microwaves. And, while we're about it, may as well put it in the shoes rather than the hat, and let the guy depart in an upright position.   

       On the other hand, I am barging in on [Boomer]'s idea. Apologies.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 18 2010

       Never apologise, never explain ...
8th of 7, Oct 18 2010

       Hey, you haven't led my life.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 18 2010

       //microwaves// for a self-burying (in the ice) coffin ?
FlyingToaster, Oct 18 2010

       //Hey, you haven't led my life.// How can you tell?
mouseposture, Oct 18 2010

       Just trust me.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 18 2010

       I guess it would be a good idea to have this helmet be able (at least in the burial-in-ice situation) to continue excavating its way downward, saving the community from the necessity of re-burying their friends and relatives every few years when local, regional or global warming exhumes them.
lurch, Oct 18 2010

       [Grog] Great link! Just imagine the emotional effect of 5 or 6 mourning relatives hitting Grandpa's feet in a cadence like that. (Naturally, I'm only half kidding.)   

       [Max] //I am barging in on [Boomer]'s idea. Apologies.//   

       Not at all. You must be half kidding, as well. Barge away! How about a song before you go? Just one?
Boomershine, Oct 18 2010

       [MaxwellBuchanan] pats his pockets.   

       Damn. I seem to have forgotten to bring my piano. Next time.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 18 2010

       <[Boomershine] pats his pockets.>   

       Damn. I seem to have forgotten my pants.
Boomershine, Oct 18 2010

       <[Boomershine] pats [MaxwellBuchanan]'s pockets>   

       "Hey, is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me ... oh."
8th of 7, Oct 19 2010

       <[Boomershine] pats [MaxwellBuchanan]'s pockets>   

       No, [Boomershine] does not.
Boomershine, Oct 19 2010

       Isn't denial a wonderful thing?
pocmloc, Oct 19 2010

       I'd have taken de Amazon to get me out of that one.
Boomershine, Oct 19 2010

       At least your not in Seine.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 19 2010







       Oh, there you are [Max]! Way up there...<less chance of pocket-checking jokes down here.>   



Boomershine, Oct 19 2010

       I am remaining a loof.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 19 2010



       Really? Despite the scandal? Brave of you.   


Boomershine, Oct 19 2010

       The only bad publicity is no publicity.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 19 2010

       If this thing were self-powered, whether by heat or by screw, is there not a danger that it would eventually come out on the other side?
pocmloc, Oct 19 2010

       Of the ground or of the uncle?
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 19 2010

       //If this thing were self-powered, whether by heat or by screw, is there not a danger that it would eventually come out on the other side?//   

       Yes, of course, there is just such danger, which is why I only recommend using manual funeral sledges.
Boomershine, Oct 19 2010

       // in the shoes rather than the hat, and let the guy depart in an upright position. //   

       For military funerals, the embalmers will of course see to it that the deceased is at attention and saluting. The regimental bugler plays "Taps" as the departed sinks slowly into the tundra.
BunsenHoneydew, Oct 24 2010

       If you're willing to change venue -- an active volcano, say, or the Marianas Trench, then you don't need the special equipment. Unlike derricks <sulks> burial at sea has the sanction of tradition.
mouseposture, Oct 24 2010


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