Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Potato Silencer

Handheld noise seeking missile with potato warhead
  (+4, -1)
(+4, -1)
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Very noisy motorcycles are disturbing to human beings because of the loudness and the low frequencies being emitted. Low frequencies over the eons have represented growls and roars from predators, thunder, rockslides, crashing waves, and other threatening events. Humans have been sensitized to low frequency noises for survival and they cause norepinephrine (flight or fight hormone) and cortisol (worry hormone) to be elevated essentially disturbing any tranquility or peace that we may have happened upon, or just distracting from current thought processes like girls. Combine this with 110+ dB and our world is disturbed. The invention to silence noisy motorcycles: A hand held noise seeking missile with a half-baked potato warhead that seeks out the exhaust pipe of a loud disturbing motorcycle ridden by someone trying to say "Look at me because I’m a loser and won’t admit it," which accurately places the potato warhead up the exhaust pipe. No more loud motorcycles. A potato silencer up the tail pipe. Simple Solution. Silence is golden.
simplesol, Mar 26 2017


       // No more loud motorcycles. //   

8th of 7, Mar 26 2017

       <gets out the slide-rule to calculate how long it would take for a halfbaker to find the 'sensitivity' control>...   

       <buys stock in Beano>
FlyingToaster, Mar 26 2017

       Surely a hand-held missile containing ear-seeking ear plugs would solve the problem equally as well?
not_morrison_rm, Mar 26 2017

       Some people enjoy the sound of motorcycles, and some do not.   

       Some people live in areas where motorcycles are to be heard, and some do not.   

       To anyone who finds themselves hearing motorcycle noises that they don't enjoy, can I recommend the Great Rann of Kutch? If you get right into the middle of it, there's no way a bike will ever bother you again.
Wrongfellow, Mar 26 2017

       As someone who lives above a highway, I wouldn't be too particular about which 'tailpipe' it went up when the potato reached its target.
AusCan531, Mar 26 2017

       FYI, The Great Rann of Kutch is a seasonal salt marsh located in the Thar Desert in the Kutch District of Gujarat, India and the Sindh province of Pakistan. It is about 7,505.22 square kilometres (2,897.78 sq mi) in size and is reputed to be one of the largest salt deserts in the world.[1] This area has been inhabited by the Kutchi people.[2] Admittedly there would be no need for the Potato Silencer there, but what about that guy down the street that rattles the whole neighborhood and gets you mind off of.....thinking about girls? He deserves the Potato Silencer up his tail pipe. Silence is golden.
simplesol, Mar 26 2017

       That's probably correct, as if you have gold, you can buy silence (or just about anything else).   

       // someone who lives above a highway //   

       Ah, yes, there's your mistake, right there. Yup.   

       // Some people enjoy the sound of motorcycles, and some do not. //   

       The obvious solution is to identify the ones who don't like motorcycles and alleviate their suffering by means of a long, thin, hardened steel spike driven in through one eardrum and out through the other, then into a large block of wood.   

       They may still complain, but the noise from motorcycles will probably not be high on their list of immediate concerns at that point.
8th of 7, Mar 26 2017

       I always assumed noisy motorbikes were the cheap ones. They don't bother me that much - I just generally think "what a twat" and move on.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 26 2017

       // I just generally think "what a twat" and move on. //   

       The loudest ones generally leave me wishing I had a handful of business cards for a local repair shop that specialises in exhausts.
Wrongfellow, Mar 26 2017

       / Silence is golden. /
popbottle, Mar 26 2017

       Welcome to the 'bakery, by the way, [simplesol].
Wrongfellow, Mar 26 2017

       Indeed, welcome to the 'bakery ...
normzone, Mar 27 2017

       The primo solution to noisy potatoes everywhere.
whatrock, Mar 27 2017


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