h a l f b a k e r y
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Retractable Tie is an extra long tie that men who perceive
themselves to be of shorter stature can wear in the belief
that this makes them appear to be taller and therefore
It's retractable in preparation for the wearer having a
chance encounter with none other than the actual
Trump.(who also wears an extra long tie for this very
In order not to anger, humble or humiliate The Donald with
your much longer tie, you can quickly make it reduce in
size using a pocket remote.
This causes the miniature motors concealed in the tie's
knot to subtly reel in about 6 inches of tie material. It can
do this via some internal threading extending down the
inside length of the tie.
This results in the last section of the tie being pulled
upwards like a single segment of a telescope, the net
effect being a temporarily shortened, but now respectful
tie suitable for your (probably brief) encounter with the
||Who are you, and what have you done with the real [xenzag] ... ?
||"XENZAG ! XENZAG ! YOUR HB ACCOUNT HAS BEEN HACKED ! TELL JUTTA ! CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD !"
||Uh oh. Possible trip hazard for vertically challenged.
Warning, warning, danger, danger...
||The Donald humiliates itself with alarming regularity. It
doesn't need some-one with a long tie to help.
||If it were of full 1970s width, your mechanized tie could instead
rear up like a novelty cobra. (I take no responsibility for any
consequent impediments to world peace).
||I guessed it was [xen] just from the title. I'm wrong a lot but this time I wasn't.