h a l f b a k e r yFree set of rusty screwdrivers if you order now.
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A set of high power air-horns mounted at the rear of a vehicle, and
pointing rearwards. Loud enough to cause permanent hearing
damage.
Operated by a separate switch from the regular horn.
For use when unwary pedestrians wander aimlessly behind the vehicle
when the driver wishes to reverse.
Intended to induce severe shock
and panic, cardiac arrest, loss of bowel control, and hopefully cause
them to blunder in front of another moving vehicle.
[link]
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I once saw a fire engine zooming through the centre of Oxford, sirens and lights going, it stopped at a point where a removable bollard bocked through traffic. Two burly firemen leaped out to remove the bollard, and in that five seconds, a bunch of doddery people started crossing the road in front of the engine. The engine had to wait about half an hour (so it seemed) for them to get out the way, before it could get going again. |
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So, this idea simply wouldn't work. |
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Turn the fire hoses on them ... ? |
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OK, horns plus high-pressure water jets. |
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Just a cold hose would target the problem people, without
assaulting the ears of nearby innocents (me). |
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I wonder if there is a night class you can take to learn how to dodder. Most children do not dodder, so you must learn it later in life. |
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<adds 'bollard' to lexicon> |
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Whilst in the throes of cardiac arrest, said unwary pedestrian would immediately fall to the ground directly behind your vehicle, whereupon a concerned passerby would call 911. The ensuing response by as many as 4 emergency vehicles would block all means of egress and ingress for the entire parking lot for a minimum of half an hour, more likely 45 minutes. |
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What's the problem, Borg vapourizing death ray on the fritz? |
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//<adds 'bollard' to lexicon> |
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<adds 'bocked' to lexicon> |
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//whereupon a concerned passerby would call 911. The ensuing response by as many as 4 emergency vehicles...." |
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That'd never happen in the London. |
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The designated First Responder will arrive on a scooter within 12
hrs, and give you a numbered ticket, telling you how long you can
expect to wait for an ambulance. |
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When the ambulance arrives, it's anything up to a six hour trip
through heavy traffic after which the victim is unloaded onto a
trolley in a corridor and eventually given another numbered
ticket indicating when a receptionist may beome available. |
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Apparently there are doctors involved in the system somewhere,
but no-one's ever seen one. |
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They're outside looking for parking, spaces are limited since
the new extension took up so much room, still they put a
Starbucks concession in so... |
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I knew there had to be a word for it... |
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"Bocks" are jumping stilts (ie, the boingy stilts you
can jump and run with). "Bocking" is,
correspondingly, the verb for using such stilts.
"Bocked" would be the past tense. |
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Well how else would one get over a bollard? You people are so dull-witted sometimes. |
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You're not allowed to call them that any more, [poc].
You have to say "learning-challlenged" or "intellectually non-
optimal". Calling them "the slow class, "thickos" or "morons" is
frowned upon, no matter how apposite. |
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// I wonder if there is a night class you can take to learn how to
dodder. Most children do not dodder, so you must learn it later
in life. // |
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It's actually caused by a mildly contaigous infection, invariably
contracted from other dodderers while queueing in the Post
Office to withdraw pension payments and enquire about sending
a dead pigeon to Tristan da Cunha by second class parcel post
surface mail, with a signature on delivery but no insurance. |
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That's why they have those glass screens; to prevent the staff
from contracting Dodderer's Disease before they retire. |
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