Roomba Intruder Defense System

The RockCo RIDS is a larger, heftier, more durable version of the well- known floor sweeper. When the household security system* detects an illegal entry the unit deploys from its charging alcove, sinister red eyes on the front housing brightly illuminated, and confronts its quarry. A loudspeaker greets the intruder(s) with the following: “We are the Roomba. You have committed an illegal entry. Your biological and cultural distinctiveness will be added to the compost pile out back. Your body(ies) will adapt to grow tomatoes!”

Standard armament includes all steel construction, a turret-mounted .22 caliber weapon** with an 8” barrel and 50 rounds of ammunition. Options include different calibers***, observable laser aiming, sharp edges, live combat soundtracks, and maniacal screaming and laughter.

Should repelling intruders result in bloodshed, a signal to a modified cleaning Roomba hidden safely out of range guarantees the evidence will be promptly washed away.

In the event the intruder is actually the homeowner who simply forgot his keys, a user-programmed phrase such as “It’s only me, Hugh!”, “Stand down red alert!” or “Ooolongftangftangbank!” will break off the assault and reset the unit.

* available at extra cost.
** so as not to cause significant bodily damage.
*** so as not to cause insignificant bodily damage.