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Semen doping

  [vote for,

Ingest semen at extremely high quantities in the leadup to the olympics. the natural terstosterone therin should have similar performance enhancing results to use of anabolic steroids but would not shw up on any tests.
bob, Apr 04 2018

Semen and culture. https://www.news-me...en-and-Culture.aspx
...nothing to do with yoghurt. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Apr 12 2018]

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       Second worst pick-up line ever.   

       What was the worst?   

       I'm pretty certain testosterone wouldn't survive the digestive process.
RayfordSteele, Apr 04 2018

       //What was the worst?//   

       I don't remember, I just remember saying "Worst pick-up line ever." before... so this one can only be the second worst.   

       Give me a second and I will find it... I think it was one of [beanangel]'s.   

       Nope. Doesn't exist anymore.   

       Hey, this just moved up a notch!   

       //testosterone wouldn't survive the digestive process//   

       "Pah! This is wimp testosterone! Bring me some REAL testosterone, which can survive anything!"
pertinax, Apr 04 2018

       //Bring me some REAL testosterone, which can survive anything!//   

       I think you're looking for the green goo of the Hulk, he can survive anything so (so) should his green goo.   

       Just one teeny problem, how do you keep semen angry?
Skewed, Apr 04 2018

       //Ingest semen at extremely high quantities// //should have similar performance enhancing results to use of anabolic steroids//   

       [bob] You were watching that episode of The Magicians when you came up with this weren't you.
Skewed, Apr 04 2018

       ...I'm just about to sit down and watch that; I hope you're kidding.
FlyingToaster, Apr 05 2018

       //just about to sit down and watch that//   

       In that case if you know not that which I reference I won't spoil it for you any further & shall say no more :)
Skewed, Apr 05 2018

       I'm guessing very small jockey outfits could put on to the little guys?
not_morrison_rm, Apr 05 2018

       Anal feeding.. it’s been done before
DDRopDeadly, Apr 11 2018

       I'm interested - but unwilling to google - to know how much testosterone there is a typical uh dose of semen and to compare that figure against the amount of testosterone that needs to be ingested to make a measurable difference to physical performance. I am concerned that the quantity of semen required is borderline astronomical. There are issues here for practicalities - would the maximum capacity of a healthy human stomach be less than the minimum effective dose volume? Is the human semen supply chain up to the task? Does the semen need to be human? I know from professional experience that there is a mature market for canisters of bull semen - would that do the trick? And if so, can we expect to see burly women got up as bucolic milkmaids innocently tiptoeing into the Tour de France medical units, notionally transporting seaux de lait but instead it's well *you know*, the spindly athletes inside the units forced to chug down endless creamy litres of the fluid while simultaneously having their blood replaced with a mixture of Epinephrine and Ribena.
calum, Apr 11 2018

       As I said.. anal feeding. You don’t break molecules down much in the rectum, but absorb a lot of water, and sugars (?) and conceivably testosterone along with it (that be a guess though). They sometimes do this to people on hunger strike. (Eg in Guantanamo)   

       Which may open the door to a certain kind of restaurant, where you may drop your trousers and sit on the meal. (which Heston has appropriately formed)
DDRopDeadly, Apr 11 2018

       I cant see how anal feeding speeds things up, really. I'd expect (but am not volunteering to try) that if a person was to drink 500ml of seen they would retain a greater volume of semen at a point say five minutes after ingesting than at the same point after trying to jam the same volume up yr tradesman's. Unless you're suggesting we - and by we I mean of course Russian athletic federation doctors - do both at the same time.
calum, Apr 11 2018

       I swear I have never watched a single episode of the magicians. I think the inspiration came from hearing that some athletes do blood doping where bank their blood and then inject the reserves prior to a race so that they have the ability to take on more oxygen.
bob, Apr 12 2018

       Also me no good at science junk but maybe the semen could be applied topically to muscles and stuff?
bob, Apr 12 2018

       hmmm, I read somewhere that one historical woman... I think it was Cleopatra, use to bathe in semen in an attempt to remain youthful looking but I can't find a link to that.
<note to self; delete browser history later today>
Instead I stumbled across this little gem;

       "In Papua New Guinea some communities believe that semen provides sexual maturation to the younger men of the tribe. The tribes believe the semen of older men can bestow manliness and wisdom to the younger men and for this the men need to fellate their elders to receive their authority and powers."

       So you see, con men have been around a long, long time.   

       In George RR Martin's Wild Card book series, there was a guy who saved up tantric energy to perform magic. Other than that I can't think of anything offhand.   

       I think 'The Magicans' referenced was the UK series : different from the US one. Or I've happened to miss that episode.
FlyingToaster, Apr 12 2018

       [FT] Have they had the big showdown with The Beast in Fillory yet?   

       It's a fairly integral plot-line element involving more than one character in separate story threads over multiple episodes, the seasons main (or at least its last) story arc including the traditional (for this type of show) big end of season showdown simply doesn't exist without it.   

       It should be impossible to cut all reference to it without leaving the entire season looking like a confusing mess of a butchered carcass.   

       So I assume you've just not got there yet, which surprises me, I thought the US was always ahead of us for everything worth watching?
Skewed, Apr 12 2018

       <one quick google later> ahhhhhhhhh, right : guess I blanked that bit. Just finished season 3.
FlyingToaster, Apr 13 2018

       The bit I really love about that story-line is how (after they find out exactly how the power boost works & have got hold of the goods) Quentin suddenly decides he's not worthy to be the champion & hands the torch (as it were) off to his girlfriend, found that hilarious :)
Skewed, Apr 13 2018


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