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diagnose strange noises and tell you if you should run for your life
  [vote for,

Last year I posted Shazam For Coughs.(link) I'm now extending its range by adding certain noises to its database. It's called Shazammmmmm and here's what it does:

We are surrounded by noises. We get to know them and to recognise them. These noises are emitted from many sources, such as your fridge, or radiator, or toaster or bicycle gear hub. These are the known noises, but there are also the unknown noises that we may think are rats chewing through a vital conduit or a loose ball-bearing making its way into a part of your car engine where it's not welcome. Shazammmmmm can diagnose these noises.

All you need to do is hold the special microphone against the noise source and send the resulting signal to the website of Shazammmmmm, just as you do when trying to identify a song using Shazam.

Shazammmmmm holds billions of noises against which your particular sample is compared, and within seconds comes back with a list of possible sources. Noisy fridge? Scroll down the results and find out that only Whirlpool Acme B6 Model with a faulty condenser makes that exact sound.

That odd sound in the roof space is not a joist shifting after all; a pigeon has gotten in, and has just added another piece of nylon carpet to its nest which is under construction beneath a broken slate.

Shazammmmmm stores billions of noises and keeps on expanding its database. It does this by paying a small royalty fee to those who upload authenticated additions to increase its range even more.

So, next time you can't figure out what the clicking/ humming/clanking/whirring/hissing sound is, just use Shazammmmmm to put your mind at rest. (or send you running into the street depending on the result)

xenzag, Aug 22 2021

Shazam For Coughs Shazam_20For_20Coughs
[xenzag, Aug 22 2021]

Cling-Clanger http://mycarmakesnoise.com/
like this, but for car usrs [Frankx, Aug 25 2021]

Maconie, the Concept of Music https://global.oup....3886?cc=gb&lang=en&
discusses audio perception as a way to understand the world, including listening to motor-car mechanical noises [pocmloc, Aug 25 2021]

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       [+] Good idea and almost baked in reality. Siri and Alexa both can listen for and alert you to alarms, doorbells, etc. Numerous sound recognition apps - from animal and bird calls to identifying car engine noises to gunshot detectors - already exist. An omnibus sound recognition tool would be a reasonable extension of these capabilities.
a1, Aug 22 2021

       Hopefully this should be at least 98% correct so the sound of a mouse in the wall doesn’t tell you it’s elephant on a stampede! +
xandram, Aug 22 2021

       It's totally accurate. "You have a grey mouse living in your wall. It has one extra sharp claw on its front left paw."
xenzag, Aug 22 2021


       ...and it watches you while you sleep.   

       If the database had data that extended into infra- & ultra-sonic, it would be even better, particularly for "higher level" diagnostic-type analyses.
neutrinos_shadow, Aug 22 2021

Voice, Aug 22 2021

       //An omnibus sound recognition tool would be a reasonable extension//   

       Too right. I used to hate it when I was waiting at the stop and that big diesel engine sound around the corner turned out to be a truck.
pertinax, Aug 23 2021

       If it were networked to the depot and roster, it could tell by the distinctive sonic footprint of engine and tyre noise, which route number it was.
pocmloc, Aug 23 2021

       Yes. If you slurp your coffee, Shazammmmmm will recognise the exact characteristic sound made as it passes between your teeth and tell you who your dentist is.
xenzag, Aug 23 2021

       And which estate the coffee beans were grown in, and what the coffee picker's superviser had for breakfast.
pocmloc, Aug 23 2021

       Yes, as his blood sugar level will have a measurable effect on his operation of the coffee grinder control panel. Even the most minute sound alteration is stored, analysed and compared to all recordings. Shasazmmmmmm knows everything.
xenzag, Aug 23 2021

       Don't let it talk to the A. I. They could conspire very easily.   

       <creepy and ominously loud mechanical noise>"Shazammmmmm, what was that?" "That? Oh... uh... that was nothing to be concerned about, nothing at all... just the pipes banging..." "Then why did it sound like a chainsaw starting up and moving closer..."
RayfordSteele, Aug 23 2021

       Yes. [+] So many times.   

       Again I get into a taxi and we head off to the station:   

       "Awright mate... busy... bloody... weather... bloody... this 'n' that..."   

       *rumbling wheel bearing*   

       "...grown up now... me oldest... hairdressing college..."   

       *grinding brake pad*   

       "um...yeah... Ibiza... maybe next year..."   

       *thumping suspension bush*   

       *clacketty low-oil tappet noise*   

       Are you deaf you moron? You machine-torturing imbecile? Your poor car is trying to tell you what it needs - it's literally spelling it out for you.   

       People don't listen to their machines. No-one tells them they should, or how, or why.   

       There used to be a thing where, when you took your car to a mechanic, they had a stethoscope-like-thing, a metal rod with an ear-sized end that they would use to listen to the engine in fine detail. Now the first thing they do is plug in a computer.   

       Acoustics in condition monitoring has been a thing for quite a while - it's actually very powerful and becoming more so with the use of machine learning. So a thing like the original idea exists, but for machines and electromechanical systems. Here [link] is one on iPhone for car owners - quite a nice idea.
Frankx, Aug 25 2021

       In the Das Boat series, the engineer is depicted listening to the engine using a sounding rod pressed against its cover. Diagnosing through sound is a lost art. How many now would even recognise the rumble sound of a pickup needle on the run in track on an album before it encounters the music?
xenzag, Aug 25 2021

       //How many now// Me! Me! Yes, there’s an evocative sound that the next generation just won’t understand.
Frankx, Aug 25 2021

       As a manual trans guy in ages past, I would hold a piece of paper against the stick-shift to act as an easy speaker to listen to the transmission noise.
RayfordSteele, Aug 26 2021

       Ahh [RayfordSteele], those days gone by...   

       when "manual trans guy" simply meant a chap who was competent driving a vehicle with a manual transmission...   

       Nice tip about the piece of paper on the stick-shift!
Frankx, Aug 31 2021


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