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diagnose strange noises and tell you if you should run for your life
Last year I posted Shazam For Coughs.(link) I'm now
extending its range by adding certain noises to its
database. It's called Shazammmmmm and here's what it
We are surrounded by noises. We get to know them and
to recognise them. These noises are emitted from many
sources, such as
your fridge, or radiator, or toaster or
bicycle gear hub. These are the known noises, but there
are also the unknown noises that we may think are rats
chewing through a vital conduit or a loose ball-bearing
making its way into a part of your car engine where it's
not welcome. Shazammmmmm can diagnose these
All you need to do is hold the special microphone against
the noise source and send the resulting signal to the
website of Shazammmmmm, just as you do when trying
to identify a song using Shazam.
Shazammmmmm holds billions of noises against which
your particular sample is compared, and within seconds
comes back with a list of possible sources. Noisy fridge?
Scroll down the results and find out that only Whirlpool
Acme B6 Model with a faulty condenser makes that exact
That odd sound in the roof space is not a joist shifting
after all; a pigeon has gotten in, and has just added
another piece of nylon carpet to its nest which is under
construction beneath a broken slate.
Shazammmmmm stores billions of noises and keeps on
expanding its database. It does this by paying a small
royalty fee to those who upload authenticated additions
to increase its range even more.
So, next time you can't figure out what the clicking/
humming/clanking/whirring/hissing sound is, just use
Shazammmmmm to put your mind at rest. (or send you
running into the street depending on the result)
Shazam For Coughs
[xenzag, Aug 22 2021]
like this, but for car usrs [Frankx, Aug 25 2021]
Maconie, the Concept of Music
discusses audio perception as a way to understand the world, including listening to motor-car mechanical noises [pocmloc, Aug 25 2021]
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||[+] Good idea and almost baked in reality. Siri and
Alexa both can listen for and alert you to alarms,
doorbells, etc. Numerous sound recognition apps -
from animal and bird calls to identifying car engine
noises to gunshot detectors - already exist. An
omnibus sound recognition tool would be a
reasonable extension of these capabilities.
||Hopefully this should be at least 98% correct so the
sound of a mouse in the wall doesnt tell you its
elephant on a stampede! +
||It's totally accurate. "You have a grey mouse living
in your wall. It has one extra sharp claw on its
front left paw."
||...and it watches you while you sleep.
||If the database had data that extended into infra- & ultra-sonic,
it would be even better, particularly for "higher level"
||//An omnibus sound recognition tool would be a reasonable
||Too right. I used to hate it when I was waiting at the stop
and that big diesel engine sound around the corner turned
out to be a truck.
||If it were networked to the depot and roster, it could tell by the distinctive sonic footprint of engine and tyre noise, which route number it was.
||Yes. If you slurp your coffee, Shazammmmmm
will recognise the exact characteristic sound made
as it passes between your teeth and tell you who
your dentist is.
||And which estate the coffee beans were grown in, and what the coffee picker's superviser had for breakfast.
||Yes, as his blood sugar level will have a measurable
effect on his operation of the coffee grinder
control panel. Even the most minute sound
alteration is stored, analysed and compared to all
recordings. Shasazmmmmmm knows everything.
||Don't let it talk to the A. I. They could conspire very
||<creepy and ominously loud mechanical
noise>"Shazammmmmm, what was that?"
"That? Oh... uh... that was nothing to be concerned
about, nothing at all... just the pipes banging..."
"Then why did it sound like a chainsaw starting up
and moving closer..."
||Again I get into a taxi and we head off to the station:
||"Awright mate... busy... bloody... weather... bloody...
this 'n' that..."
||"...grown up now... me oldest... hairdressing college..."
||"um...yeah... Ibiza... maybe next year..."
||*thumping suspension bush*
||*clacketty low-oil tappet noise*
||Are you deaf you moron? You machine-torturing imbecile?
Your poor car is trying to tell you what it needs - it's
literally spelling it out for you.
||People don't listen to their machines. No-one tells them
they should, or how, or why.
||There used to be a thing where, when you took your car
to a mechanic, they had a stethoscope-like-thing, a metal
rod with an ear-sized end that they would use to listen to
the engine in fine detail. Now the first thing they do is
plug in a computer.
||Acoustics in condition monitoring has been a thing for
quite a while - it's actually very powerful and becoming
more so with the use of machine learning. So a thing like
the original idea exists, but for machines and
electromechanical systems. Here [link] is one on iPhone
for car owners - quite a nice idea.
||In the Das Boat series, the engineer is depicted
listening to the engine using a sounding rod
pressed against its cover. Diagnosing through sound
is a lost art. How many now would even recognise
the rumble sound of a pickup needle on the run in
track on an album before it encounters the music?
||//How many now//
Yes, theres an evocative sound that the next
generation just wont understand.
||As a manual trans guy in ages past, I would hold a
piece of paper against the stick-shift to act as an
easy speaker to listen to the transmission noise.
||Ahh [RayfordSteele], those days gone by...
||when "manual trans guy" simply meant a chap who was
competent driving a vehicle with a manual transmission...
||Nice tip about the piece of paper on the stick-shift!