Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Sick club

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The world is awash with Health Clubs, where you can sit glowing over your spirulina yoghourt smoothie while you tell your friend(s) about your plans to swim Ben Nevis or bungee- jump across the Sahara.

However, at any one time, 7.7% of people are poorly - perhaps a cold, or a bad stomach, or a sprained ankle that's really much worse than it looks. For these people, there are Sick Clubs.

As you enter the club, you'll be greeted by a slightly overweight northern woman who looks like she's been left outdoors too often, with words to the effect of "Ooh, chuck, you look rough. Are you comin' down wit' summat?". Once you've explained that you've got a bit of a cold, you'll get something like "Eeeh, y' poor lamb, y' look dreadful. Come in 'ere and we'll get y' sorted."

On entering the Club, you'll find the members' lounge - it is in fact the only room in the Club - dotted with incredibly comfy chairs. Plomp yourself down in one of them, and wait for an attendant to bring you whichever you desire out of duvet, hot water bottle, warm foot-bath or hot honey and lemon drink. Depending on whether you're feeling shivery or overheated, you can sit in front of a roaring log fire, or in a cooling spring breeze with a hint of lavender in it.

Relax, and share your miseries with other red-nosed, bleary- eyed sufferers of minor ailments. Compare notes, swap medical advice, and generally soak up sympathy from the ever-attentive staff.

MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 18 2019

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       The first rule of Sick Club is: do not make the obvious joke about the first rule of Sick Club.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 18 2019

       Yes! Very good. Can there be a collection service where they pick me up after work shivering and miserable from a rainy bus-stop, plop me in a super-luxury vehicle with duvet and hot water bottle, and deliver me to the club?
Frankx, Nov 18 2019

       If you can afford it, a bus-sized mobile Sick Club can come to you, like Dial-a-Ride* ...   

       *Not, however, the Buchanan version of Dial-a-Ride, which is quite different and unsavoury in the extreme.
8th of 7, Nov 18 2019

       Bun withheld pending the availability of a good toddy.
Voice, Nov 18 2019

       Toddies go without saying. A range of other comfort drinks and comfort foods is also available.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 18 2019


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