Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Yeah, I wish it made more sense too.

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Statue of Libertarianism

It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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The Statue of Liberty in New York is a well-known cultural icon.

Perhaps it's time Europe had something similar.

The project would involve creating a gigantic statue in an appropriate location, probably Dover, in Kent, England. It would resemble in most respects the original Statue of Liberty, except for a few minor details; in the left hand, an open book of blank cheques, held aloft in the right hand, a giant tablet pc which constantly flashes the message "Come right in, nothing to pay !", and a blatant "come-hither" expression on the face.

On the plinth is carved in huge letters (floodlit at night, of course):

"Come here, you Thais, you Poles,
You many Afghans yearning to eat free,
The asylum-seekers of your teeming shore,
Send these, your work-shy, passport-less, to me:
Free hospitals, free housing, and much more !"

The statue would be financed entirely by tax revenues extorted from the working population at punitive rates, but only those who have been residents and loyal servants of the Crown for at least six generations.

On production of the relevant documents*, British passport holders are allowed to pay a swingeing admission fee** which gains them the privelidge of queueing in the rain*** before climbing the steep staircase**** to the head of the statue, where they can look out to see that the grass on the other side is indeed greener.

*Birth certificate, P45 tax payment certificate, council tax bill, bank statement, blood donor card, and an authorisation form signed by a Justice of the Peace, a Peer of the Realm, the applicant's Member of Parliament, Elvis Presley, and a doctor, or God, Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary if a doctor is not available.

** Immigrants are exempt from the fee and documentation requirements.

*** Immigrants may if they wish wait in the special lounge until ready to ascend, where comfy armchairs, widescreen TV, free wifi, and complementary food and drink according to their dietary requirements are provided fresh to order on a 24/7 basis.

**** Immigrants get special priority access to the Great Glass Elevator.

8th of 7, Jun 17 2015

[link]






       Complete the missing word: "What ___ fuck?"
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 17 2015
  

       Best just to kill all forriners in their homes, before they even start travelling here, just in case. Airstrikes would be cheap and effective.
pocmloc, Jun 18 2015
  

       The borg has assimilated Paul Dacre
calum, Jun 18 2015
  

       //Come here, you Thais, you Poles, You many Afghans   

       Ahem, the UK has a lot of its population living and/or working overseas, like 6.5 million, so words like "kettle" ,"pot","black" and "calling" do tend to come to mind....   

       NB you're approaching my record on footnoting.
not_morrison_rm, Jun 18 2015
  

       // working //   

       'nuff said ...   

       // The borg has assimilated Paul Dacre //   

       Sp. "The Borg have assimilated Paul Dacre" or "The Borg Collective has assimilated Paul Dacre".   

       Tch. Then again, expecting a scotchman to speak proper English is going too far.
8th of 7, Jun 18 2015
  

       //a gigantic statue in ... England//
Continuing the Conservative policy of massive cap ex projects in SE England, which is apt and will please those at Dacre Acres. What will not please the residents of Daily Mail Island is the fact that the civils and construction contracts will almost definitely be awarded to non-UK enterprises.
  

       //The statue would be financed entirely by tax revenues extorted from the working population at punitive rates, but only those who have been residents and loyal servants of the Crown for at least six generations.//
This is the genius: the subset of the population who have been loyal servants of the Crown for at least six generations is limited to the Royal Family itself - the plan being, it seems, to liquidate the assets of the Royal Family - and we should be careful to include the Duchies of Cornwall and Lancaster in this - bankrupt all civil list gravy trainers and spunk the cash on a statue so large and ill-located that it causes England to tip into La Manche, ordinary working people of Britain toppling and tumbling over one another, like the garbage sliding towards the fire at the end of Toy Story 3, to splosh in the grey and turbulent water, to drown, leaving on land only those interloping forrins smart enough to nail their dirty forrin feet to Englands g. & p. l.
calum, Jun 18 2015
  

       You have to admire (is that the word) a smug, thoroughly saturated peoples who hold the world record for going overseas and attacking local people, building empires of the ones who look delicious, etc., then leaving a sunny place, like say, Australia, to return to a moldy sponge and defend it to the soggy end.   

       However, there may be a good idea in taking revenue from the Statue of.. and giving it to immigrants.
4and20, Jun 18 2015
  

       We fear we may have inadvertently deleted an annotation; if so, please re-post it.
8th of 7, Jun 18 2015
  

       //a smug, thoroughly saturated peoples who hold the world record for going overseas and attacking local people,/   

       You forgot back to back world war champs... two hot one cold.
bs0u0155, Jun 18 2015
  

       There is a lot that could be said about said champ status, but as many a Brit knows, when you arm 2 million or so Muslim Indians to fight your war, how can you be shocked if they end up in your neighborhood later?
4and20, Jun 18 2015
  

       "According to a 2012 annual report by the National Park Service, 3.7 million people visited Liberty Island in 2011, generating $174 million in economic activity and supporting 2,218 jobs."
4and20, Jun 18 2015
  

       //3.7 million people visited Liberty Island in 2011, generating $174 million//   

       So, in fact, 3.7 million cheapskates visited Liberty Island.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 18 2015
  

       Somewhwere in here there's a point, but it's a) not likely going to be received well in this company, and b) not being made well to begin with.
Custardguts, Jun 18 2015
  

       "They don't have sarcasm on Betelgeuse, and Ford Prefect often failed to notice it unless he was concentrating." - Douglas Adams.
8th of 7, Jun 18 2015
  

       Poe's law strikes again!
Spacecoyote, Jun 18 2015
  

       po's law strikes again?
blissmiss, Jun 18 2015
  

       something something sarcastic aliens, smiley face.
dentworth, Jun 18 2015
  

       Bone for anything remotely involving libertrollianism.
RayfordSteele, Jun 21 2015
  

       Does it have a giant frickin lazer beam on its head for sinking ships ? — bigsleep, Jun 18 2015   

       is it ok if I post a LOL right about here?
dentworth, Jun 24 2015
  
      
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