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Subterranean molectrocutor

  [vote for,

OK, we're back to moles which, as you may recall, I dislike. The underground ones, not the facial variety.

MaxCo's Pyrotechnic Mole Remover has had to be withdrawn from the market following a number of lawsuits. This leaves a much-needed gap in the market.

Enter the MaxCo Molectrucutor. This elegant and remarkably affordable device consists of a weatherproof box containing a rechargeable battery, sensor equipment and Integrated Gubbins. From the bottom of the box extends a slim ceramic tube, adjustable in length. Simply adjust the tube so that, when the box is resting on your lawn, the end of the tube is in the middle of the mole's tunnel (easily done by feel; or buy the delux version with automatic self-adjustment and tunnel- finder).

Press lever D, and the sensor mechanism will extend from the end of the probe. This sensor consists of a narrow loop of gold-plated wire, with a second wire passing through the middle of it without touching the loop.

Press lever A, turn knob 3, set switch J to "on", and the device is armed. Now wait.

As soon as a mole wanders along the tunnel, it will blunder into the sensor, causing the central wire to touch the loop, completing a circuit. The Integrated Gubbins in the box will then send a brief but highly effective 10kV pulse through both sensor wires. After a brief delay, the unit will automatically re-arm itself in case a second mole comes along to see what's cooking.

MaxwellBuchanan, May 28 2008

(?) Gubbins defined http://ca.encarta.m...509490/gubbins.html
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 28 2008]

This is one reason why I don't live in Washington State: http://seattlepi.nw.../313626_mole30.html
[Amos Kito, May 28 2008]

How to make little furry animals sad. http://www.getridof...l-mole-repeller.htm
[Amos Kito, May 28 2008, last modified May 29 2008]

The Late, Great Brigadier Colin Gubbins http://www.spartacu...o.uk/SOEgubbins.htm
We are not worthy ..... [8th of 7, May 28 2008]

Molectrocutor in CSI Las Vegas http://en.wikipedia...verything_%28CSI%29
Ok so the link doesnt mention it. Trust me it was there. [sprogga, Jun 12 2008]


       Is this a durable device? It seems flimsy for something that gets rammed into the ground. 10,000 Volts is rather high. A standard "bug zapper" is about 1000 Volts and isn't "grounded", so to speak. Even with higher current and lower voltage, how do you get the animal to sit still while it's being zapped?   

       I think this wouldn't work (except to sometimes shock you immediately when you turn it on). Which is good, since you might get in big trouble for using it: [Link].
Amos Kito, May 28 2008

       Amos, all of your points are valid, apart from the ones in your annotation.   

       The ceramic tube which thrusts into the ground is indeed highly durable, and can be dured indefinitely.   

       The sensor wires are robust enough for their job (and are protected by the ceramic tube until it has penetrated the mole's lair).   

       The multiply-redundant Arm-O-Matic device ensures that the device is only armed once everything is in place. I neglected to mention (thinking it too obvious) that the Internal Gubbins will detect if there is any short between the two wires of the probe, and will not allow the device to be armed under these conditions.   

       10kV is needed because the circuit runs from the probe through a mole to earth, and perfect conduction cannot be guaranteed. The bug zapper has to put current from electrode to fly to electrode - a lower resistance.   

       You needn't get the mole to stand still and wait to be fried. As soon as the probe contacts close (well, within a few microseconds) the full 10kV is discharged through them, enough to send poor moley skywards in the twinkling of a poorly-developed eye. Ever seen someone touch a high- tension cable? Did they pull back in time? Thought not.   

       Regarding legislative restrictions, the trick is to first relocate the mole to an area where this would be legal.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 28 2008

       Send your moles over to my garden where they will be made welcome and treated with kindness.
xenzag, May 28 2008

       i'd prefer a radio-controlled snake a remote infrared camera.
sninctown, May 28 2008

       mole-taser at the entrance to holes... so if you nail the cat by "accident" it will simply avoid the hole in future.
FlyingToaster, May 28 2008

       Amos, the sonic mole repellers work extremely well in generating noise. However, they fail to bother the moles at all.   

       Moles aren't particularly sensitive to noise (ultrasonic or otherwise) - they're quite happy in the earth next to a runway or a motorway. Nor does ultrasound travel any significant distance in soil which isn't waterlogged.   

       Nor, for the record, are moles deterred by rheumatism ointment (surprisingly, they don't have much sense of smell), children's windmills, milk bottles buried in the ground, buried transistor radios, or anything else. The most you'll achieve is that the moles will dig a new tunnel six inches to one side to avoid the strange new thing.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 28 2008

       // This leaves a much-needed gap in the market. //   

       And, more relevantly to the lawsuits, a large number of entirely unwanted gaping holes in the landscape.   

       [2Fries], the "Gubbins" is a nickname given to a particular type of "satchel" demolition charge used by SOE in WW2.   

       "Have you got the Gubbins ?" is a shortform for, "Have you got the extremely dangerous large bag stuffed with high explosives which has the detonator and timing mechanism included ?"   

       We remain convinced that The Gubbins is therefore the ultimate answer to moles. And grass. And windows. And walls. And fences. And parked vehicles. And trees.
8th of 7, May 28 2008

       <hastily drafts a Gubbins seat cushion idea for the mother-in-law...>
Canuck, May 28 2008

       //Nor, for the record, are moles deterred by rheumatism ointment//
However, when I roam around the lawn, carrying children's windmills, milk bottles and transistor radios, and smelling of rheumatism ointment, the neighbors stay away. So there's a benefit.
Amos Kito, May 29 2008

       I saw a great anti-mole device at Kew Gardens on Tuesday - someone there was sticking a thin pipe about half a metre into the ground and blasting high-pressure compressed air through it. This was being done (I think) to decompact soil around tree roots where heavy vehicles had compacted it (this stops tree roots growing). Anyway, when the air was on, the soil bubbled and liquified in a quite spectaular way. I suppose the downside to a compressed-air mole deterrent, for the domestic garden, is that the effect of the deterrent would be worse than the effect of a small army of moles...
hippo, May 29 2008

       if you lived in a land-mine zone, both problems would eventually solve themselves.
FlyingToaster, May 29 2008

       //I saw a great anti-mole device at Kew Gardens on Tuesday // I was there too! (see Mpy)
Yes they use it to break up the soil. Not only for where the construction vehicles have been, but they've been using the technique for a number of years, around many of the older trees where the soil has been compacted over the centuries. I think it promotes better root growth.
Apart from the blow-back, I'd've been happy to join in that job!

Yes, the results were spectacular, raising bubbles of earth up to five or six feet across, and even leaking bubbles eight or ten feet away.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 29 2008

       A wonderful theseus on the eradication of the mini-taurs.   

       Although, I do worry what large doses of electricity (over time) would do to the areas of lawn immediately surrounding these mountains, err molehills.
4whom, May 29 2008

       This one is baked. Can't remember the brand name, but I've seen it dozens of times. Look it up yourself, I'm too lazy to find it and post a link.   

       Two spikes go into the ground over the mole's tunnel at the proper depth to just poke through the roof, hooked to a 12V and a quick-discharge capacitor. When the mole wanders along and bridges the contacts with his back, voile, instant fried snack. I think it even has a light to let you know that it's discharged. I don't have any problem with moles, so I've never used one and thus have no clue as to how well it works.   

       Mmmm.... Sweet potato....
Alterother, Jun 06 2008

       What was wrong with the pyrotechnic deterrent? Out here, you can buy a four pack of mole flares. Just stick the fuse in one, dig into the tunnel, light it, toss it in, and fill the hole back up. A few minutes later, the entire tunnel network is full of unbreathable sulfurous fumes. "Warning, not for use as an indoor pest deterrent." As if I have any pests in my doors!
ye_river_xiv, Jun 06 2008

       //This one is baked.// I would love to know more if you can find a link.   

       //a four pack of mole flares.// I know. I used to have a pair.   

       However, if you mean the smoke- generating thingies, they really don't work. Moles are very adept at dealing with gases and suchlike (including low oxygen levels). They just block off that bit of tunnel and dig a new one.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 06 2008

       //if you mean the smoke- generating thingies, they really don't work. Moles are very adept at dealing with gases and suchlike//   

       Not MY moles... Unless they blocked it off someplace well out of my yard, and decided not to come back for several years. Admittedly, they do work far better in clay type soils.
ye_river_xiv, Jun 08 2008

       Hmm. Well, moles do move home from time to time anyway. I bet you (or someone nearby) recovered from a head- cold some time after using the mole- smokes too.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 08 2008

       I swear one of the writers from CSI is either a halfbaker or gets inspiration from this site! Take a look at link - the episode has Schrodingers Cat, a molectrocutor, aliens (well, sorta), a taser that sets someone on first AND a cameo from mythbusters.
sprogga, Jun 12 2008


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