Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The 8th Earl of Severn

Not exactly a bright'un
  (+8, -4)
(+8, -4)
  [vote for,

In a dank, decaying mansion,
By a fusty, ferny fen,
Lives the drear 8th Earl of Severn,
With his acid-dipp'ed pen.

Armed with Purdey on his shoulder,
And a visage set and grim,
He's off to shoot some Welshmen,
Says his ag'ed mind a'dim.

He's flanked by two retrievers;
One chocolate, one white,
Which, 'cos' he's a cheapskate,
Keep the Earl's feet warm at night.

But the Welshmen all elude him,
They are far too fleet of foot,
So he trundles home all weary,
To his ceilings stained with soot.

He sometimes drops into the village,
Where the townsfolk scowl and jeer,
For he can't command the deference,
His class enjoyed in yesteryear.

In the evenings, by the fire,
Stoked with books of mould and must,
Sits a sad, demented figure,
Counting stocks left in the trust.

There are squatters in the stables now,
And pigeons in the roof,
There were livestock in their thousands once,
Though not much left now, on the hoof.

For the heyday of the manor lord,
And the stiff, Brit upper lip,
Has long up and departed,
Or been taken to the tip.

So, as each long, slow year passes,
And his soul approaches heaven,
Shed a tear for that lost England,
And the ageing Eighth of Severn.

UnaBubba, May 16 2012

Wealth restored in short order, via skyrats... http://www.npr.org/...-pigeon-try-328-000
[RayfordSteele, May 16 2012]

Vernon's site Vernon_27s_20Site
[UnaBubba, May 17 2012]


       When I read it through I almost feel sorry for him.
UnaBubba, May 16 2012

       Not sure why anyone would want one, anyway.
UnaBubba, May 16 2012

       The biggest bore there is, apparently.
pocmloc, May 16 2012

       That would be the Qiantang River, in China.
UnaBubba, May 16 2012

       I kind-of hate to say this, because the main text is well done, but:   

       What aspect of the main text qualifies as a HalfBakery invention?
Vernon, May 16 2012

       That would be why it's under Halfbakery: Individual User, [Vernon].
UnaBubba, May 16 2012

       Paints a rather grim picture.
blissmiss, May 16 2012

       It's all put on for the tourists, you know.
8th of 7, May 16 2012

       Well, if it is OK to invent a user for the HB, then perhaps the main text should indicate something about the invented user using the HB.   

       Even if you are parody-ing an existing user, it would still seem reasonable to mention the HB in the main text somewhere.
Vernon, May 16 2012

       [Vernon] is correct. We should definitely establish a complete and inflexible set of regulations concerning mockery, defamation, impersonation, parody, and goading of Halfbakery forum members. Additionally, I propose that strict disciplinary action be taken against those who overstep these bounds. In no way should we allow this sort of unregulated and non-conformist tomfoolery to continue. It is absolutely intolerable and should be stopped immediately!
Alterother, May 16 2012

       Best keep your head down, [Vern], or he'll start on you next…
8th of 7, May 16 2012

       We could have an entire section for 'Halfbakery: Individual User: Vernon:'   

       Maybe 8th could sell some of those pigeons to the Chinese Pigeon Racers. Fast ones catch a pretty penny there.
RayfordSteele, May 16 2012

       I'm not sure there are enough years left in me to do a [Vernon] parody justice.   

       BTW, [Vernon], if you can't figure out whet this is about then I fear for you and for the future of human reasoning. I've always regarded you as smart, if lacking a little nuance at times. Please don't destroy my illusion that you are atypical among your countrymen.   

       You should also remember that halfbakery category ideas only show up if you are actually a member of the HB.
UnaBubba, May 16 2012

       You should stick at this poetry writing, [Ubie]. Don't let Rolf Harris intimidate you - think of him more as a guiding light.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 16 2012

       … on the front of an oncoming freight train.   

8th of 7, May 16 2012

       [UnaBubba], I did actually think that this might have some association with [8th of 7], but I didn't happen to notice what category the thing was in.   

       Ummm...the HB people pick on each other often enough in the annos as it is; why do we need to pollute a category that I seem to recall was more often used for remembrances?
Vernon, May 16 2012

       Oh, FFS!
UnaBubba, May 17 2012

       I'm pretty sure he remembers. I wrote this specifically for [8th], whom I find amusing and rather more urbane than most HB users, as something of an ode to him and the dying era he and people like him represent.   

       Sadly, it has turned into a bonefest because some people took it literally and many users here are probably a little too literal in their outlook.   

UnaBubba, May 17 2012

       //Vernon, UB's poems about other Bakers used to fill up over half the category.//   

       Now THAT I didn't know!
Vernon, May 17 2012

       There's even one for you, [Vernon], posted by [bear].
UnaBubba, May 17 2012


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