Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Blood of...Goliath Meatmountain?

A New Religion
  (+8, -10)
(+8, -10)
  [vote for,

There are no 'new & great' ideas in this religion, but at every service, you get a 5 liter box of red wine...er..'blood of Goliath'. The services are short and proper (just long enough for you to get in, slam your wine, take a quick nap, and leave), and the location of the church changes each week. Of course, we don't just ask for 10% of your income - we deduct it straight from your paycheck! And the official opening song (and closing song) is "New Religion", by Duran Duran.

I would tell you the official name of this religion, but frankly, it will depend on which company will pay the most money to purchase naming rights.

sleeka, Nov 19 2005

Duran http://www.cockrock.../artists-duran.html
Not your momma's Duran. [Trickytracks, Nov 22 2005]


       Is this just a bar?
hidden truths, Nov 19 2005

       Certainly not. But there is a bar in the corner.
sleeka, Nov 19 2005

       Right, where can I sign up?   

       Just kidding. But how would such a 'religeon' if you must call it that (to me, 'glorified drinking club' springs to mind) work? Will they allow children? Do they do charitable works? Do they have a leadership structure, or is the leader decided by who can drink the most and say a coherent sentance and stand up, all at the same time?
froglet, Nov 19 2005

       Praise be!
wagster, Nov 19 2005

       Alright, we have to make some rules. First, everyone in the HB is automatically in (you will notice this on your next paycheck).   

       Second, everyone under 18 has to do the real work while the rest of us drink the wine and/or sleep. Third, it is not a 'glorified drinking club'...it's just club, that happens to involve some drinking, and by an amazing stroke of luck, became glorified.   

       Fourth, we select the leader by voting. My nominations for Supreme Leader (also known in the church as 'El Zilcho'):   

       DrCurry / UnaBubba / Ian Tindale / po
sleeka, Nov 19 2005

       //Second, everyone under 18 has to do the real work while the rest of us drink the wine and/or sleep.//   

       Did you *really* have to add that clause into the deal? And if the 'real work' (as you put it) involves going down to the shops for more grog/coffee/headache tablets, then you better look at the law about kiddlie-winks buying chardonnay.
froglet, Nov 19 2005

       Nah, the real work involves cleaning, guarding the door, making the coffee, etc. The grog is delivered to the church every morning by FedEx.
sleeka, Nov 19 2005

       Then you'd better look under child labour laws.   

       And I can imagine a lot of disciples, a few months later, naming their sons 'Ian', seeing as that it was 'Ian' that led to it...
froglet, Nov 19 2005

       //we select the leader by voting//   

       Can't it just be an anarchist's church? Then we can sit around all day getting drunk talking about crap we want to do but never doing it because that would involve leadership and so on...   

       Hey wait. I think I am already a member.   

       [+] because of the Duran Duran song.
Zuzu, Nov 19 2005

       It seems that mr. Tindale would be the obvious choice for the leadership. However, he might require prior notice before we start giving away his blood.
hidden truths, Nov 19 2005

       That's the beauty! The leader doesn't even know he/she was voted in until it is too late. And then said person can go to work after church (services held 4 times every day, except Tuesday) and say "I guess I put my DNA into a bunch of new people today."
sleeka, Nov 19 2005

       Uh- huh. Back to the child slave labour thing, how would a bunch of drunkards force the kids to work? Sure, you get mean drunks, but kids are smart cookies and would get wise to which ones just fell asleep and who to keep away from.   

       "Show me the way to go home,
on land, sea or on foam
I had a few drinks an hour ago
And now it has gone to my head..."
froglet, Nov 19 2005

       ah hah! Ian is the author.   

       today the halfbakery, tomorrow...   

       I'm O rhesus negative and I don't want no part of it.
po, Nov 19 2005

       sleeka is an Ian. a 2nd class kinda Ian that is.   

       I'd like to be proved wrong on the latter statement.   

       I have yet to sample his home-made beer or hear his thoughts on extra-marital sex or the pinkness of pigeons feet.
po, Nov 19 2005

       <Ian Tindale> you have been elected President of a club you did not know existed.   

       <Po> 2nd class? I like. I have 100 liters of homemade beer in my basement and I really know nothing about pigeons.
sleeka, Nov 20 2005

       I think ben frost should be considered as the leader
gorjabuble, Nov 21 2005

       Sure. Ben Frost it is. Congrats Ben.   

       Should I re-title the idea? Maybe it will get more votes if I don't name it after myself.
sleeka, Nov 21 2005

       Fuck it! Now I've read this twice. A pox on re-named ideas.
ConsulFlaminicus, Nov 21 2005

       Where is the meatmountain? Is it between your ears?
Minimal, Nov 21 2005

       ... I dunno... sounds an awful lot like the Dionysos cult I've been hanging around with lately...
Trickytracks, Nov 22 2005

       ...minus the Duran Duran song, that is. We only play Duran Duran Duran.
Trickytracks, Nov 22 2005

       how sweet of you to say. now on your knees!
benfrost, Nov 23 2005

       Hey, you deserved it, [Benfrost]. And I already was on my knees.   

       //Where is the meatmountain? Is it between your ears?// not only is it there, but it also describes the sheer volume of meat we cook and serve at the "Great Awakening" (when Benfrost wakes everyone up for lunch after wine and nap time).
sleeka, Nov 24 2005


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