Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Celebrity's Celebrity

"Brad, Brad! There's that guy, you know, The Leopard!"... "Oooh! I don't know what to say Ange! I've come over all a fluster!"
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This is what happens when I see a celebrity:

1.) Oh look, it's that girl who was on that thing. My goodness, she drinks Guiness! How wonderfully eccentric of her!
2.) Why do I even care? She has absolutely no baring on my life whatsoever. I am a shockingly shallow human being.
3.) It *would* be funny to speak to them though. But what to say? I don't want to look like a fan and take a picture or something. Maybe pretend I don't know who they are...
4.) For crying out loud, she's just a girl that's been on TV! It's not that important!
5.) Right, I'll show her. I'll just nonchalantly waltz over, and ambivalently question her Guinness drinking quirkiness with an air of uninterest. Ha!
6.) Me - "Hello Sandra..."
Sandra - "Oh hi, I was just leaving."
Me - "Bye Sandra..."
7.) I am a twat.

But not any more!
I set up a website for celebrities to champion their new album/film/play/charity-ball by spotting *me* in the street. If they manage it they can have a photo taken with me which can be uploaded, and I'll sign an autograph for them, lucky devils. They can then write on the website things like;

I spotted The Leopard outside a kebab shop in Hackney! Here he is signing his name on my chest in chilli sauce! Thank goodness, I need to be all spicy for my latest turn as a hard-hitting cop turned undercover prostitute working the streets (out Friday). - Claudia

Here's me with The Leopard in Hampstead Heath practicing Kung-fu together. He taught me a new move, think I'll add it to the extras in my DVD of "Death of a Dragon!" - Jackie

Watch them fluster. Ha!

theleopard, Nov 17 2006

Chevrolet Celebrity http://en.wikipedia...Chevrolet_Celebrity
Sales were strong — the Celebrity was the best-selling car in the United States in 1986. [ed, Aug 15 2007]

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       I spotted The Leopard on the interweb.
skinflaps, May 17 2007

       One can only hope [frank]...
theleopard, May 18 2007

       Meh. I was hoping this invention involved the greatest motor vehicle ever created. (see link)
ed, Aug 15 2007

       //Can I have your autograph? //   

       Yes of course. Who do I make it out to? And what are you plugging?
theleopard, Aug 15 2007

       "Look! Isn't that The Leopard over there by the buffet?"   

       "No, darling. I think that's just a leopard."   

       "Ok... shall we go?"
wagster, Aug 15 2007

       At least you found the buffet, [wags]. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of [theleopard]".
theleopard, Aug 15 2007

       There's a problem with the FOR link on this entry. After I pressed it once, I was not able to press it again.
pashute, Aug 13 2014


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