Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Romantic, but doomed to fail.

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Toast Planner

Web linked toaster toasts info onto breakfast
  [vote for,

Toast is an excellent snack. But in the modern world, Shirley we can do more? Plug the bs0-co toaster into the wall, spend 30 mins scrolling through the menus and if you're lucky it'll be connected to the WiFi*. Now you're only an app download and Google/Apple account login away from full functionality.

Next morning, pop in a couple of slices of bread and sit back. The bs0-toaster will dutifully download your preferred information: Time, date, little cloud symbol with "11C" next to it and a reminder about your 3pm dentist appointment. Your second slice might contain a couple of brief news headlines or the latest Presidential tweet.

Now you may marvel at how far technology has come. Only yesterday you had to get your phone out or turn on the tv for that kind of information. But there it is.

Now, after 30 days, your free trial period will end, but you will still be able to enjoy your personal schedule rendered on bread, however you may notice the first two slices are devoted to full page ads. Gone are the days of plain, soothing brown slices of toast***. Now you're probably staring at an ad for a toaster, or flenting accessories.

Rest assured, at only $6.99 per month you can go premium, completely ad free. Please note that the bs0-co toaster requires power and internet access at all times. Ad blocking software may result in uneven toasting performance and software updates may take up to an hour to complete during which time toasting is disabled for safety reasons. Information on bread preference, toasting performance and usage habits will be collected to improve user experience/revenue streams. For consistent toasting quality, use only convenient bs0-co branded bread-pods, none bs0-co bread support scheduled to end Q3 2018. Talking model due Q4 2018.

*Sadly, PoE lacks the oomph for toasting

** If locations is set to "Macclesfield" The toaster simply uses this every day as a way of saving data and increasing accuracy.

***Unless there's a big push on Rentisham's.

bs0u0155, Mar 15 2018

Toast_20Text_20Messaging [hippo, Mar 15 2018]


       [+] well, of course ; naturally, the content needs be formatted in bites.
FlyingToaster, Mar 15 2018

       See linked idea, and the BBC news story linked to that
hippo, Mar 15 2018

       /Prior to turning to the web, he considered extracting information from the TV text services Ceefax or Teletext, but this could have meant buying a TV licence for each toaster, and running costs of up to £104 per year for the gadget would limit its appeal./   

bs0u0155, Mar 15 2018

       Oddly enough, the entire Felthill expedition survived for nine days under seige by a Gwadani-Nçobo hunting party, by eating nothing but Rentishams on toast. We of course do not endorse the eating of Rentishams, but we can report that all members of the party emerged from their ordeal with remarkably supple - if somewhat flammable - skin.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2018

       //nine days under seige by a [...] hunting party//   

       That's a funny form of hunting.   

       "Have you caught anything yet, darling?"
"Well, yes and no. You see, they're in there, and ..."


       "So, your plan, in hunting for food, is to stay here and wait for *them* to become weak with hunger? Do you not see a slight flaw in this plan?"
"Silence, woman; you know nothing of hunting!"

       (Translated from the Anabatic Swahili by P P Angst)
pertinax, Mar 15 2018

Wrongfellow, Mar 15 2018

       You missed a trick. The toaster should only work with bs0- co’s proprietary brand hexagonal bread slices. Other than that, you’ve pretty accurately captured the modern consumer experience.
AusCan531, Mar 16 2018

       Would there be religious options eg Jesus face? and of course porn to amuse the kids at breakfast . Then you could put jam on a vagina
DDRopDeadly, Mar 16 2018

       *** Try the other foot.
pertinax, Mar 16 2018

       Jam on a vagina anyone? I thought I was being droll.. Oh never mind, I think I haven’t been in the cult long enough to play with the sacred relics
DDRopDeadly, Mar 16 2018

       // all members of the party emerged from their ordeal with remarkably supple - if somewhat flammable - skin. //   

       Their own, or someone else's ?
8th of 7, Mar 16 2018


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