h a l f b a k e r y
The embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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This is an updated version of the famous book by Daniel
Defoe. The new version is written by Dangerous Dan
McGrew (of poet Robert Service fame) who actually
survived the terrible shooting and sprang back to life
revived in order to create the new Robinson book.
In McGrew's version,
Robinson is marooned in a rotting
caravan in the middle of a vast swamp, surrounded on all
sides by chanting, drum pounding, unseen hostile hordes.
His only source of entertainment is now the twisting of
cheap coat hangers into misshapen replicas of the
ravenous crows he remembered as a child. These would
darken the skies before swooping down to pick at the
of hardened vacuum cleaner fluff and cheese he
used to roll up expertly, then hang
knotted strings like dangling conkers, forever waiting on
that never came.
Periodically, lurid flames would tongue out of the
mire, and Tommy would throw another of the pile of
broken bricks in their direction to quell the vertiginous
smell they generated.
Life for Tommy was not good, despite his fridge
overflowing with fizzy lager, and the endless supply of
brought to his door every day on a tiny conveyor belt
meandered across the swamp on rusting pylons.
This nightmare was magnified at night when long poles
would reach out randomly from the darkness and poke
sides of the caravan, accompanied by the amplified
of large toenails being clipped.
Constantly assualted by misery on all sides, Tommy
eventually came to accept the reality that his only
was to complete The Great Task of Tuber Mogondo. This
was laid out in detail, sewn into the very bed sheets in
writing where he slept fitfully on a perpetualy damp bed
composed of layers of flattened carboard boxes.
The task was extreme, but only those completing it had
any prospect of passing through the surrounding hidden
hordes without being dismembered and strewn on the
of the I.G.T.F. (Ink Glue & Teeth Factory)
part two to follow
Dangerous Dan McGrew
The author's origin. [xenzag, Mar 13 2019]
||This is just picking a scab, [xen].
||I tried to resist....but it was futile. Part two has a
||(Other members of HB make a circle chanting
"fight fight fight" while keep a wary eye out for
||I feel this just prototyping a fishbone collector, it
might be a deep sea dredging drone or
||It's really interesting. Either those presenting
anonymous fishbones are doing so because they
don't like the idea of a contemporary version of
Crusoe being marooned in rotten conditions, or
they do like the idea, but don't want to see him
escaping. (as promised in part two) I prefer the
latter version, meaning the usually unwanted
fishbones are vindication that this is a good idea.
||I just felt demanding (not unreasonably as it happens but
that's beside the point) someone else's post be deleted then
appropriating it's title hoping to troll it some more in
of comment & unworthy of reading (beyond the title, which
no idea what's in the body text, & I don't care.
||Well, it may or may not surprise you that I had the
idea of Tommy Robinson Crusoe a long time ago,
and as opposed the now deleted Tommy Robinson,
'Crusoe' contains an idea, which is contained within
a story, as told by a resurrected character from a
narrative poem. I might suggest you read the
contents first to enable a more informed
judgement to be made.
||Meanwhile, I never have
any problem with any number of people not liking
that which I post. I try my best to keep them as
humorous as I can, and failing that, as
unpredictable or surreal as possible. Because I am
a serial generator of visual and written work, it
costs me nothing to delete the idea if it's found not
to be in the spirit of halfbakery inventiveness, but
I think it actually is.
||That's up to you, but it's a bit like passing a
judgement on something when you don't actually
know what that something is. Why say anything at
all? Underwater Chinese Banjo? Ba - won't listen to
that - don't like Chinese food, and can't breathe
underwater! Besides, only Appalachian hillbilly
types play the banjo :-)
||It might be better to contract out to r_carty as
prime fishbone magnet. Gone, but not
||As explained, I read them as approval. Of interest
is the fact that the previous 'idea' that featured
the actual Tommy Robinson, (as opposed to this
fictional character) and expressed support for his
racist/fascist/sectarian views, was met with
expressions of approval.