Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Tommy Robinson Crusoe (part one)

the marooning of Tommy Robinson Crusoe
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This is an updated version of the famous book by Daniel Defoe. The new version is written by Dangerous Dan McGrew (of poet Robert Service fame) who actually survived the terrible shooting and sprang back to life fully revived in order to create the new Robinson book.

In McGrew's version, Robinson is marooned in a rotting caravan in the middle of a vast swamp, surrounded on all sides by chanting, drum pounding, unseen hostile hordes.

His only source of entertainment is now the twisting of cheap coat hangers into misshapen replicas of the ravenous crows he remembered as a child. These would darken the skies before swooping down to pick at the balls of hardened vacuum cleaner fluff and cheese he used to roll up expertly, then hang on knotted strings like dangling conkers, forever waiting on a challenge that never came.

Periodically, lurid flames would tongue out of the bubbling mire, and Tommy would throw another of the pile of broken bricks in their direction to quell the vertiginous smell they generated.

Life for Tommy was not good, despite his fridge overflowing with fizzy lager, and the endless supply of KFC brought to his door every day on a tiny conveyor belt that meandered across the swamp on rusting pylons.

This nightmare was magnified at night when long poles would reach out randomly from the darkness and poke the sides of the caravan, accompanied by the amplified sounds of large toenails being clipped.

Constantly assualted by misery on all sides, Tommy eventually came to accept the reality that his only escape was to complete The Great Task of Tuber Mogondo. This was laid out in detail, sewn into the very bed sheets in tiny writing where he slept fitfully on a perpetualy damp bed composed of layers of flattened carboard boxes.

The task was extreme, but only those completing it had any prospect of passing through the surrounding hidden hordes without being dismembered and strewn on the floor of the I.G.T.F. (Ink Glue & Teeth Factory)

part two to follow

xenzag, Mar 13 2019

Dangerous Dan McGrew https://www.poetryf...oting-of-dan-mcgrew
The author's origin. [xenzag, Mar 13 2019]

[link]






       This is just picking a scab, [xen].
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2019
  

       I tried to resist....but it was futile. Part two has a happy ending.
xenzag, Mar 13 2019
  

       (Other members of HB make a circle chanting "fight fight fight" while keep a wary eye out for prefects)
not_morrison_rm, Mar 13 2019
  

       I feel this just prototyping a fishbone collector, it might be a deep sea dredging drone or summat?
not_morrison_rm, Mar 14 2019
  

       It's really interesting. Either those presenting anonymous fishbones are doing so because they don't like the idea of a contemporary version of Crusoe being marooned in rotten conditions, or they do like the idea, but don't want to see him escaping. (as promised in part two) I prefer the latter version, meaning the usually unwanted fishbones are vindication that this is a good idea. Ha
xenzag, Mar 14 2019
  

       ^ No   

       I just felt demanding (not unreasonably as it happens but that's beside the point) someone else's post be deleted then appropriating it's title hoping to troll it some more in bad faith.   

       Unworthy of comment & unworthy of reading (beyond the title, which was unavoidable).   

       So I've no idea what's in the body text, & I don't care.
Skewed, Mar 14 2019
  

       Well, it may or may not surprise you that I had the idea of Tommy Robinson Crusoe a long time ago, and as opposed the now deleted Tommy Robinson, 'Crusoe' contains an idea, which is contained within a story, as told by a resurrected character from a narrative poem. I might suggest you read the contents first to enable a more informed judgement to be made.   

       Meanwhile, I never have any problem with any number of people not liking that which I post. I try my best to keep them as humorous as I can, and failing that, as unpredictable or surreal as possible. Because I am a serial generator of visual and written work, it costs me nothing to delete the idea if it's found not to be in the spirit of halfbakery inventiveness, but I think it actually is.
xenzag, Mar 14 2019
  

       That's up to you, but it's a bit like passing a judgement on something when you don't actually know what that something is. Why say anything at all? Underwater Chinese Banjo? Ba - won't listen to that - don't like Chinese food, and can't breathe underwater! Besides, only Appalachian hillbilly types play the banjo :-)
xenzag, Mar 14 2019
  

       It might be better to contract out to r_carty as prime fishbone magnet. Gone, but not forgotten.
not_morrison_rm, Mar 14 2019
  

       As explained, I read them as approval. Of interest is the fact that the previous 'idea' that featured the actual Tommy Robinson, (as opposed to this fictional character) and expressed support for his racist/fascist/sectarian views, was met with expressions of approval.
xenzag, Mar 14 2019
  
      
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