h a l f b a k e r y
A few slices short of a loaf.
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Trumopoly is another version of the famous board game Monopoly,
only this one has had a make over, Donald Trump style.
The main rules are mostly the same. (except the game is not for
sale in Mexico and Muslims are strictly forbidden to play - under a
new law passed by recently elected Emperor
Trump). In original
Monopoly the players selected characters like a hat or a boot.
Trumopoly has supplanted these innocents with a toxic chemical
barrel; a fish skeleton; a war-head; a tank; and a box with the
word "bling" inscribed on it. The currency of Trumopoly naturally
features the head of The Donald, but mostly it looks like Monopoly
until you start actually playing, when the real differences begin to
Firstly there are the properties: The four utilities have been
replaced by notorious American prisons. There is Rikers Island,
Folsom, San Quentin and of course Guantanamo Bay. (yes he kept
that one open for all of the Muslims and disabled people arrested
as they came off international flights at places like JFK). Other
properties are conventional enough, except for the additional
ability to invest in some particularly nasty companies, like
Monsanto, McDonalds, Exxon Oil, or Union Carbide. Trumopoly
features companies that are based on the most polluting
industries, along with arms manufacturing; tobacco; the fur trade;
factory farming; de-forestation industries etc - there are plenty to
choose from, and all create good returns from high rents.
Now we come to the chance and community chest cards that bring
rewards and punishments in equal measure. As well as going to
jail, there is an instant death card - picking this means you are out
of the game, unless you can bribe your escape from the impending
gas chamber. Rewards can include varnishing The Donald's toes;
the opportunity to bulldoze a shanty town, and get well paid;
burning down an ancient forest to make room for a very profitable
sterile palm oil plantation etc. Supplementing the cards are the
Born Again Dumbo Numbers - throwing particular combinations of
prescribed numbers means you get to endorse and collect rewards
for holding certain Trumpesque beliefs - like domesticated
dinosaurs being used on ancient farms to pull ploughs. The game
progresses until there is a winner, who gets to wear the special
Trump Wig in celebration.
Note - every game of Trumopoly also contains a free Donald Trump
Colouring in book (featuring no use of either black or brown)
||Will there be soup kitchens and bread queues ?
||There needs to be a Global Thermonuclear Warfare card in
Chance, where suddenly everyone dies.
||Hospitals. There should be hospitals. Every round, when you pass
GO you have the option to pay half your income as health
insurance. If you land on a hospital, you get to roll again. If you
have no health insurance, you lose all your money and property.
If you don't throw a double six on your next turn, you're dead.
||This is such a well thought out idea, well written too. I can't
help but to award you a little guy, in a suit, holding a bun.
||// little guy, // ... with bad hair.. // in a suit, holding a bun //
||I never realized [xen] was such a fan of the
||Bit of an obsession I'd say.
||Well, it's understandable. The looks, the moral
rectitude, the intelligence...
||... and the passion. Absolutely bestial.
||Aren't you glad his mother did not have twins.
||She did. But he strangled the Good twin in their cradle.