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UKraine Trains

put Ukraine in control of UK's railways
(+3, -3)
  [vote for,

The train was invented in the UK so we were first with every aspect of this most brilliant invention. The rest of the world took note, and apart from the UK building railway systems in every colony, other countries built their own networks.

The current situation of the train system in the UK is now completely laughable, only without being funny for anyone trying to use it. Our neighbours in Europe glide from place to place in Europe with total ease, using high speed trains offering frequent, reliable travel and at a fraction of the cost of UK equivalent journeys.

Meanwhile in the UK, we can now boast the slowest, most overcrowded, most often late or cancelled trains in the developed world. They are also by far the most expensive. In fact it's considerably cheaper to fly from Glasgow to Barcelona, then from Barcelona to London, than to take a train from Glasgow to London!

Now we come to the solution to this problem of complete mismanagement - hand over the entire system to the Ukraine goverment to run.

Why you ask? Well the answer is simple - despite being at war, Ukraine has somehow managed to run a train system that is more reliable (and of course far cheaper) than the entire UK's network. This leads me to think, if they can run their trains on time etc during a full scale war, they would easily manage to operate the UK's crumbling railways.

I'm sure they would have no problem unravelling the nightmarishly chaotic fare system that's the result of the mad privitisation of British Rail (which was another of the Tory's brain waves, instead of investing money it as our EU neighbours did).

With the Ukraine in charge, everyone's a winner.
We get trains that work properly, while Ukraine gets to keep all the profits to help with their war effort.

xenzag, Jan 22 2023

Trains in northern England are less reliable than in war-torn Ukraine, figures show https://www.dailyma...e-figures-show.html
Majority of TransPennine Express (TPE) trains in North of England are late Just four per cent of services in Ukraine failed to arrive on time in recent days The 10.07am service from Leeds to Manchester Piccadilly ran just 43% of time [xenzag, Jan 22 2023]

https://www.youtube...watch?v=gvagsSOlAy4 [pocmloc, Jan 23 2023]

Or better yet, let the amateurs run it National_20Volunteer_20Steam_20Railway
"Amateurs" - people who love what they're doing. [a1, Jan 25 2023]

Rome to Milan https://www.wantedi...urs-45-minutes.html
barely time to eat your pizza... [xenzag, Jan 26 2023]


       This is the seed of a larger idea: if your country is good at [the thing], you will be put in charge of cleaning it up and straightening it out in another country, with the full backing of the Untied Nayshuns (previously known as the United Nations; named changed to reflect the new open-minded creative problem-solving xenzagification focus) funded by the re-routing of the bazillions of Davos dollars and EMF holdings.   

       Ontario's Conservative government used taxpayer money to build the 407 toll highway, then sold it to Spain, which gathers the tolls. Why? I'm sure it was some kind of weird tit-for-tat write-off, like the 10-year-loan of Chinese Pandas for Toronto Zoo in exchange for China's 30 years' access to Canadian food and raw lumber. That ugly real-world rip-off is xenzagified in this idea, and used for the good of the people--hooray!
Sgt Teacup, Jan 22 2023

       Let me guess: Cintra. They lease the Indiana portion of the 80-90 Toll Road too.
RayfordSteele, Jan 22 2023

       Let me guess: Cintra. They lease the Indiana portion of the 80-90 Toll Road too.
RayfordSteele, Jan 22 2023

       Alternately, Putin or any other incompetent bully du jour could mount an invasion of the UK.
a1, Jan 22 2023

       How many qualified railroad repairmen in the UK are willing to work for Ukrainian wages, out of curiosity?
Voice, Jan 23 2023

       Saddam's Iraq was also known for its timely train service. Would you have ever suggested putting him in charge of your railways? How about Hitler's Germany? That country ran like a Swiss watch under Nazi control.
21 Quest, Jan 23 2023

       Compairing things to Nazis already? There aughta be a law.
Voice, Jan 23 2023

       I see what you did there. This is why we'd be friends if we ever met!
21 Quest, Jan 23 2023

       //any other incompetent bully du jour could mount an invasion//   

       Yes I think this nails it. A more efficient country taking over a less efficient country's infrastructure is baked, widely know to exist, commercially available for sale in your local corner shop etc. etc.
pocmloc, Jan 23 2023

       //How about Hitler's Germany?// I don’t recall the UK sending billions of pounds worth of advanced weapons to German. Ukraine is also practically a member of Nato at this point, meanwhile I’d be happy with any European country to take over the running of the UK’s railways but Ukraine seems to me to have particularly admirable qualities, and they need the profits for their war effort. I’m also unaware of any country’s complete rail system being totally run by another county. (which is also at war) Perhaps (pocmloc) could point out the examples, as they are referred to as "widely known to exist" and therefore baked? Where are they?
xenzag, Jan 23 2023

       //How many qualified railroad repairmen in the UK are willing to work for Ukrainian wages, out of curiosity?// Such sensible, practical questions. I’m sure the good union men will throw in their lot to help Ukraine with their war effort, and put their mega salaries on hold until Putin is quelled.
xenzag, Jan 23 2023

       This idea is not an invasion situation, it's a "We''ll help(and this is the important part) at your request, and then leave, once we've shown you how we do it".   

       Up 'til now, attempts to control things have generally come from people in charge playing some variation of RISK for fun and profit. This idea is not that. It's looking at what isn't there, hidden in plain sight non-obvious solutions--how did the Underground Railroad manage to get so many people to safety out of the slave-holding states? Have Underground Railroad 'engineer'-types organizing transportation.
Sgt Teacup, Jan 23 2023

       // fact it's considerably cheaper to fly from Glasgow to Barcelona, then from Barcelona to London, than to take a train from Glasgow to London!//
There are no direct flights from Glasgow to Barcelona. Glasgow to Barcelona (via Amsterdam!) to London on 29 Jan 2023 is £360. Glasgow Central to London Euston on 29 Jan 2023 via train is £61.90 (or £197.10 first class). I did also recently travel on the sleeper from GLC to EUS first class and it cost £345 and was worth, in a very real sense, every penny of my employer's money.

       However, I will not dispute your points that (a) the UK rail system is garbage and expensive and (b) the privatisation of the UK rail system is an quagmire of stupidities. HOWEVER, if there's one thing a quagmire of stupidities attracts it's lawyers, so I'm all for it.
calum, Jan 24 2023

       Ryanair quote a fare of £15.99 for Glasgow to Barcelona and without even checking, I know that it's just as cheap to fly back from Barcelona to London. It's also probably quicker than the train too given breakdowns/cancellations and strikes by the greedy mega pay drivers.
xenzag, Jan 24 2023

       Well, that's from Glasgow Prestwick, which is not in or near Glasgow, so for almost every prospective passenger will mean a train journey from Glasgow Central, where you would have been getting the train to London from anyway. The journey time is about 4.5 hrs, which is pretty good.   

       I realise that I am coming across as Captain Save-a-Privatised-Railway. I am not that guy. I am just, out of every halfbaker there has been, the guy who has taken the train from Glasgow to London most often.
calum, Jan 24 2023

       //I don’t recall the UK sending billions of pounds worth of advanced weapons to German//   

       Really? you don't? but we sent loads, we even sent technical experts to help operate and demonstrate them, easily billions of pounds worth in todays money, they were very accommodating about providing suitable demonstration targets, you may remember the event, we called it the second world war.
Skewed, Jan 24 2023

       Given the state of the UK's railways, we could probably substitute flights to NYC then back to London as being faster. [wonders how Ryan Air would get on running the UK's railway system?] Wonders if anyone could run it? Who would want to? How about handing it all over to the rail Union Barons? ie "YOU run it, You're in charge - now you can pay the drivers double what they are asking for"
xenzag, Jan 24 2023

       See link for the type of European high speed train the UK can only dream that their new Ukrainian operators will bring when they take over. 400 miles Rome to Milan in less than three hours - wow! Compare with Belfast to Dublin train (100 miles) in two hours and twenty minutes (when it's not broken down)
xenzag, Jan 26 2023


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