Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Strap *this* to the back of your cat.

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Who needs a runway? Every airplane can be a helicopter II

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Aircraft wings, although not symmetrical front to back, could be made so with a bit of tinkering, such that they provide acceptable lift whether moving forward or backward.

Then, simply release the parking brake, throttle up the left- hand engines, and engage the thrust reversers on the right- hand engines and, ipso corrigendum, the plane will spin itelf helicopterishly into the air.

MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2013

Anyone else remember these? http://www.cyber-he...eclipse/stand44.jpg
[MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2013]

Always loved these ram jet rotor blades https://duckduckgo....=ram+jet+helicopter
Why not try it on the wings, even though wings aren't needed -- you forgot to mention the wheel spinners that actually provide the lift -- the wings would provide engine mounts however:-) [+] [Sunstone, Mar 09 2013]

'The Borribles' by Michael De Larrabeiti http://www.amazon.c...d=1362911691&sr=8-2
Includes the great Rumble hunt. A classic of senseless & hilarious violence & genocide. Entertainment for all ages! [DrBob, Mar 10 2013]

Some weird airplane http://news.softped...unding-289401.shtml
[Kansan101, Mar 20 2013]

Shape shifting wings transform to needs of desired flight https://www.google....e+shifting+airfoils
MaxwellBuchanan's need for Aircraft wings, although not symmetrical front to back, could be made so with a bit of tinkering, such that they provide acceptable lift whether moving forward or backward." are here! [Sunstone, Apr 13 2020]

Emergency faith pack Emergency_20faith_20pack
Not merely useful; essential ... [8th of 7, Apr 16 2020]

Who needs a runway? Every airplane can be a helicopter Who_20needs_20a_20r...be_20a_20helicopter
Calculation of centripetal force. [8th of 7, Apr 26 2020]

[link]






       The fuselage probably won't be able to withstand the centrifugal effect.
Vernon, Mar 08 2013
  

       I am incapable of providing the amount of derision this post deserves.
FlyingToaster, Mar 08 2013
  

       The centrifugal force needn't be a problem for the passengers. Make the wings sufficiently long, and the rotation rate can be made arbitrarily low.   

       Take this far enough and it starts to resemble the Kiritimaticentrifugomobile, described elsewhere in these hallowed pages.
Wrongfellow, Mar 08 2013
  

       Transitioning to horizontal flight would be a bitch.
Kansan101, Mar 08 2013
  

       The Nazis messed around with this concept a bit. They probably should have spent a little more time on the 'we should quit this horrific unwinnable war' concept, but instead they decided to make a bunch of their test pilots very dizzy.
Alterother, Mar 08 2013
  

       //Anyone else remember these?   

       No.
not_morrison_rm, Mar 08 2013
  

       //Transitioning to horizontal flight would be a bitch.// Not necessarily.   

       Assume, for argument's sake, that the passengers survive the lift off. They are now in an aircraft which is spinning, and more or less directly above its point of departure.   

       Carefully timed throttle pulses should be able to impart a net horizontal motion, superimposed on the rotation. Clearly, the lift then comes from a combination of the rotation and horizontal movement, both of which cause the wings to move through the air.   

       Gradually, the movement can be made less spinny and more flyey, until pure linear motion is attained. With luck, this linear motion will be in the same direction that the aircraft ends up pointing in, in which case all will be well.   

       Admittedly, there are a few tricky moments when the horizontal motion completely cancels out lift from each wing during half of its rotation. However, this will only affect a part of the wing at any one time.   

       In short, I fail to see no serious flaws whatsoever with this idea.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2013
  

       If you mount the passenger seats on gimbles so that they don't rotate with the aircraft then it would be fabulous. You could decorate the interior of the heliplane like a kinematoscope to keep them entertained whilst they wait for their sick buckets to be emptied.
DrBob, Mar 08 2013
  

       //mount the passenger seats on gimbles//   

       I think you mean 'gimbals'. 'Gimbles' are furry creatures who live on Cleethorpe Common and used to collect litter, but have since fallen into despair and alcoholism since missing a key audition for children's television.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2013
  

       //disrepair and alcoholism// unfortunately, a simple re-read corrected that
lurch, Mar 08 2013
  

       //With luck, this linear motion...//   

       As a pilot, I really prefer to stick with something more than luck.
Klaatu, Mar 08 2013
  

       And that's how the golden era of aviation died.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2013
  

       Mount the entire fuselage on gimbals so only the wings spin!
pocmloc, Mar 09 2013
  

       //Carefully timed throttle pulses should be able to impart a net horizontal motion, superimposed on the rotation.//   

       Imbalance of lift on a gyroscope, eh? Clearly what you have now is a boomerang: the precession will cause your net motion to be a curve. Better add another axis to your gimbals...
mitxela, Mar 09 2013
  

       Gimbals? We don' need no steenking gimbals.   

       And I can't believe nobody remembers those helicopter fireworks. They were brilliantly unpredictable, which is exactly what's needed in a firework.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 09 2013
  

       I think an easier method to transition from rotation to horizontal flight or rather becoming 'less spinny and more flyey" would be to spin it up to a very high altitude, like maybe 2 miles high or so, and then stop the rotation, either through thrust reversal or through air brakes, and then free fall into a dive, that might be climbed out of at the last second, if you are lucky. If you are unlucky, you make someone a new farm pond. So someone wins, either way.
Kansan101, Mar 09 2013
  

       Nice marketing strategy! "Welcome aboard 50-50 Airlines, where our motto is *Do you feel lucky?* I'll be your captain today. My name is Whip Whitaker."
Canuck, Mar 09 2013
  

       //Mount the entire fuselage on gimbals so only the wings spin!// Like a helicopter!
DIYMatt, Mar 10 2013
  

       //'Gimbles' are furry creatures who live on Cleethorpe Common and used to collect litter, but have since fallen into despair and alcoholism since missing a key audition for children's television//

That'll be the 'Rumbles of Rumbledom Common' you'll be thinking of, (linky)
DrBob, Mar 10 2013
  

       // And I can't believe nobody remembers those helicopter fireworks. //   

       Not only do I remember them, but I know where one can still purchase them (virtually anywhere in South Carolina, West Virginia, or Georgia, and one rather disreputable establishment on State Route 9 in New Hampshire). When I was a younger and less experienced idiot than I am today, I made a few similar devices out of AA model rockets by trimming and canting the fins and adding a little curl of plastic sprue or cardboard that produced a loud whistle in flight. It's all fun and games until your foolhardy creation smashes though a double glazed window and explodes in your grandparents' living room.
Alterother, Mar 10 2013
  

       //Not only do I remember them, but I know where one can still purchase them// I am impressed and pleased to know they're still available, although I presume the lack the RAF roundel on the wings.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 10 2013
  

       sp. aeroplane
pocmloc, Mar 10 2013
  

       I buy the spinning UFO fireworks every year. Talk about a fire hazard!
DIYMatt, Mar 10 2013
  

       //Talk about a fire hazard!   

       Do we have to? You can if you like, first amendment and all that...
not_morrison_rm, Mar 10 2013
  

       //And I can't believe nobody remembers those helicopter fireworks. They were brilliantly unpredictable, which is exactly what's needed in a firework.//   

       You can still get them in Taiwan. In the celebrations for new year, groups of kids were firing them off in the street, during lulls in the traffic. They'd bounce off the overhead wires.
I bought some nice big ones, but wasn't allowed to fire them off in the city.
  

       I remember my Dad talking about fireworks you'd hold hands and stand around in a ring; they'd jump around.
Loris, Mar 11 2013
  

       Ideally, the fuselage would be reshaped to provide lift as well. What could possibly go wrong?
ReBuildIt, Mar 11 2013
  

       Found something like it, kind of. Or close. I think. See link.
Kansan101, Mar 20 2013
  

       I'm thinking it might actually be cheaper and less trouble to simply buy a helicopter. With a bit of practice, they can be made to gyrate around in the sky in similar chaotic fashion, if you like.
whlanteigne, Mar 25 2013
  

       Who needs a landing mechanism? Every runway can be a crater.
doctorremulac3, Apr 13 2020
  

       "A good landing is one you can walk away from. A great landing is one where you can use the 'plane again."
8th of 7, Apr 15 2020
  

       Brilliance of MB is missed so much. Funny I was just talking to the cardinal who is sitting on the birdfeeder.
blissmiss, Apr 16 2020
  

       True. Blessed be.
sninctown, Apr 16 2020
  

       // the cardinal who is sitting on the birdfeeder //   

       Surreal image, that. Does the Pope know ... ?   

       <Enter cringing uniformed flunky, stage right/>   

       "Your Holiness ... I regret to report ... One Of Our Cardinals Is Missing..."   

       Now, with Herr Benedict, that could have been the setup for a full flecks-of-spittle Führer-biting-the-carpet where-are-my-787s rant ...   

       But with the new bloke, not so much.
8th of 7, Apr 16 2020
  

       Hahaha, you have ruined my birdfeeder view forever. Shame on you, say a bunch of Hail Marys. Quick.
blissmiss, Apr 16 2020
  

       We can say the Hail Mary at a speed that would astonish you. We know all the words. We can generally get at least a dozen in between turning from base leg to upwind and dropping low enough to feel the ground effect, at which coherent speech is replaced by whimpering and blubbering, overlain by the squawk of the stall-warning alarm ...   

       "Brakes off, Undercarriage down and locked, Mixture full rich, Fuel booster on, Flaps twenty, Carb heat on, Hatches and harness secure, Hail Mary, Mother of Grace, Blessed be Thou amongst Women and, Tower upwind on short finals, Golf Sierra Yankee, the fruit of thy womb Jesus Christ, flaps twenty five, Mother Mary, pray for us sinners, now AND AT THE HOUR OF OUR DEATH ...   

       (That bit tends to get a bit shrill.)   

       And that's without the help of a set of rosary beads, and taking time out to speak to ATC in a calm, collected way.   

       See also <link>.
8th of 7, Apr 16 2020
  

       Just use an ordinary plane, and tie one wing to a point in the ground by a cable. Plane goes around in circles, slowly let the cable out as it gets faster, then when it’s going really fast let the cable go, and pew it will cartwheel through the sky to its destination where you can catch it in a big circus net
Casso, Apr 26 2020
  

       For a neat demolition of that idea, see [wjt]'s calculation in this <link>.
8th of 7, Apr 26 2020
  
      
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