Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Replace "light" with "sausages" and this may work...

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X-rays plates on plane seats

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Seeing I'm on a plane in a few days (drones permitting) all the passengers will all get a smallish touch of the old radiation.

Und zo I propose x-ray plates fitted on the seats, or one huge roll of film that fits around the (inner) circumference of the plane, which is hoicked out when the plane lands, by a radiologist.

For more accuracy, the plates are shielded until the plane is going on a predictable, straight line course, then shielded again on getting to the fiddly bits of the flight.

For night-flights, a phosphorous compound should be mixed in, so the film will be able to see the x- rays.

not_morrison_rm, Jan 26 2019

Not even wrong https://rationalwik...wiki/Not_even_wrong
Mentioned in my anno. I don't think this idea *is* this, but it's at least *almost* this. [notexactly, Jan 27 2019]

X-rays from Sellotape https://www.youtube...watch?v=LQBjRF9mX1Y
[MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 27 2019]

BED: Banana Equivalent Dose https://en.wikipedi...ana_equivalent_dose
[hippo, Jan 31 2019]

Depleted uranium counterweights used on 747's https://aviation.st...rweights-in-the-747
DU is mostly safe. Mostly. Just don't lick or touch it. [RayfordSteele, Jan 31 2019]

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       The creation of an idea that has so many faults, misconceptions and downright foolishness in it of itself bespeaks some sort of extraordinary talent.   

       Just not one of any value or use.
8th of 7, Jan 26 2019
  

       Aha, so I am outstanding in one respect.   

       Sorry, no autographs.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 26 2019
  

       In theory, there should be no need for X-ray plates - just install sufficiently sensitive accelerometers in a few points around the aircraft.   

       Every person's body mass will affect the way the plane responds to micro-turbulence or even to the faint vibrations of the engines. Equally, density variations within each of the bodies should likewise have an effect. Therefore, with a set of ultra-sensitive accelerometers, it should be possible to recover images as accurate and as three-dimensional as a CT scan.   

       Admittedly, the computation will be tricky. Although you might in theory be able to use a data-driven approach to compute 3D passenger images from the accelerometer data, I don't think we can handle it with current mathematics. So, you'd have to go for a model-driven approach. Divide the plane (and its enclosed space, including passengers) into 100µm voxels, and then model all possible densities and compliances for each possible voxel, to find the model that most closely fits the accelerometer data. A priori, you'll have something like 10^17 voxels, modelled with (say) 100 different densities and 100 different compliances, meaning that there will be (10^4)^(10^17) models to evaluate. However, you know what the aircraft is made of (mostly), and you know that some places will contain only air, so you can probably cut that number down considerably.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 26 2019
  

       The idea itself is almost not even wrong: [link]   

       // Every person's body mass will affect the way the plane responds to micro- turbulence or even to the faint vibrations of the engines. Equally, density variations within each of the bodies should likewise have an effect. Therefore, with a set of ultra-sensitive accelerometers, it should be possible to recover images as accurate and as three-dimensional as a CT scan. //   

       Sounds like a hybrid inertia/gravity camera. I was thinking about how to build a gravity camera about a year ago, or about two years ago, though certainly not about a year and a half ago. Maybe I should post it when I remember the details of my design.
notexactly, Jan 27 2019
  

       OK. {Clambers gingerly into the shallow end}   

       We're imagining some sort of background radiation, supposed to be present in higher doses at altitude?   

       (The alternative, which I'm setting aside for now, is that we're imagining radiation emanating from some part of [not_morrison_rm]'s own body, for the illumination of his/her fellow-passengers).   

       And then, we're assuming that it arrives vertically from above the aircraft?   

       In which case, we imagine, it might leave on the film or plate a radiological equivalent of one of those "sitting on a photocopier" pictures from an office Christmas party?   

       Is that how it works in your imagination, [not], or should I start again from somewhere else?   

       Would anyone like some of these question marks ??????   

       I have plenty.
pertinax, Jan 27 2019
  

       This idea could totally work -- all you need to do is add a nice big lead collimator to the top of the plane, lead shielding everywhere else, and make sure nobody moves or breathes for the duration of the flight.
mitxela, Jan 27 2019
  

       Correct.   

       // we're assuming that it arrives vertically from above the aircraft? //   

       Yes; sadly, that assumption is entirely incorrect.
8th of 7, Jan 27 2019
  

       // we're assuming that it arrives vertically from above the aircraft? //   

       Surely it's not beyond the wit of man to have one wing down a bit?   

       Did I mention the on-board proctologist? Easily identified by the very long latex gloves with suspicious stains.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 27 2019
  

       //all you need to do is add a nice big lead collimator// Why a collimator? If they're solar X-rays, they're already effectively parallel beams.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 27 2019
  

       Yes, but emulsion films aren't that discriminating, and there's a substantial amount of other energetic E-M radiation at altitude that will fog plates; it isn't truly isotropic, but there's enough "off-axis" flux to defocus an exposed plate.   

       NASA have a lot of info on their website about high altitude and LEO radiation levels.   

       // Easily identified by the very long latex gloves with suspicious stains. //   

       Might not be a proctologist - could just as easily be a tax inspector ...
8th of 7, Jan 27 2019
  

       Maybe we're thinking about this upside down. Relying on solar X-rays from above is fraught with difficult difficulties.   

       However, considerable amounts of X-rays can be generated by peeling Sellotape from a reel <link>. I suggest, therefore, that we proceed as follows. First, we replace the nose-wheel tyres of the plane with big rolls of Sellotape, complete with that little non-stuck tab that you use to start the roll. Then, we employ a guy whose job it is to run in behind the nose-wheels immediately before take- off, and stand on that little tab. Obviously he should crouch down a little. Then, the take-off proceeds as usual, with the Sellotape peeling off the wheels as the plane moves, generating X-rays.   

       The X-ray plates will be placed above, rather than below the passengers. Only four or five seats over the nose- wheels will be usefully irradiated, but these will be in either First or Business, and occupants of those seats will pay a premium for being X-rayed.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 27 2019
  

       Good idea -- sell it as an "anti-terrorism" in-flight whole-body scanner and it'll be made mandatory for all commercial aircraft.
sninctown, Jan 31 2019
  

       // occupants of those seats will pay a premium for being X-rayed. //   

       You could call it "Eben Byers Class" ...
8th of 7, Jan 31 2019
  

       This idea is probably at least as feasible as my BED*-based X-ray camera, which works by wrapping yourself in X-ray film and eating a banana.

[* BED: A unit of radiation, roughly equivalent to the radiation level of an average-sized banana (see link)]
hippo, Jan 31 2019
  

       //Seeing I'm on a plane in a few days all the passengers will all get a smallish touch of the old radiation.//   

       [8th] lent you his pocket cyclotron ? I'm not going to ask why you plan on irradiating the other passengers, that being obvious, but how are you going to explain it to the TSA ?
FlyingToaster, Jan 31 2019
  

       People tend to move around on aircraft, shifting, shuffling and nipping off to the toilet. To get any reasonable image, you'd have to remove the toilets, then clamp the passengers in so tightly that only the most shallow breathing is possible... wait, I think they're already implementing that...
bs0u0155, Jan 31 2019
  

       //People tend to move around on aircraft, shifting, shuffling and nipping off to the toilet.   

       Not on Ryanair, no room to move. I blighted the fair city of Malaga with my presence.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 31 2019
  

       // considerable amounts of X-rays can be generated by peeling Sellotape from a reel //   

       Only in a partial vacuum, IIRC. Good luck building a vacuum chamber big enough for a plane to take off in. There are at least two other obvious difficulties as well.
notexactly, Feb 03 2019
  

       Yes; the runway will have to be cleared of used tape after each takeoff, and the change in wheel diameter will seriously affect the calibration of the autobrake/ABS on landing.   

       // how are you going to explain it to the TSA ? //   

       It's cunningly disguised as a Colt M1911A1 .45 semi-automatic pistol.
8th of 7, Feb 03 2019
  

       Make that four other obvious difficulties…
notexactly, Feb 04 2019
  

       Everyone's a critic ... like you could do better ...
8th of 7, Feb 04 2019
  


 

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