Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Zoo Night Watch Security Service

Might Want to Pick Another Place to Burgle There, Sport...
  [vote for,

<See Anno> Repartee With [21Q] Lost In The Ether, But Not Forgotten. And now, back to the idea:

Most modern zoos have budget problems and are heavily dependent on their benefactors to make ends meet.

No more!

Sure, during the day the animals just hang around looking fierce for the crowd during regular zoo hours. But now all those wild animals that might normally spend their night goofing off in zoo cages can be put to work and earning their keep, prowling in warehouses and other businesses thanks to the Zoo Night Watch Security Service. It is similar to those places that rent out guard dogs for the night.

Clients of the ZNWSS may have a tiger, lowland ape, alligator, rhino, ostrich, python, or other dangerous zoo creature wandering about in their place of business. They can rest assured that burglars and thieves will be killed and/or eaten (or some other form of discouragement that usually involves sharp teeth or claws) prior to the next business day, since most of the zoo animals are fairly testy about being woken up at night. In the morning, zoo keepers run around and collect their charges for the next day at the zoo.

Grogster, Oct 15 2010

"Your honor, my client was caught red handed and waives right to plead not-guilty." http://s68.photobuc...jpg&t=1287249010264
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Oct 16 2010]


       In other news, Reginald Charles Dimbleby, of no fixed abode, was nibbled to death by pink flamingoes after falling asleep in a warehouse complex in the city's west, early this morning. Police are treating the death as one of misfortune. A spokesman from Zoo Night Watch Security Service confirmed their animals were responsible for the death but declined to confirm whether the flamingoes were the same flock responsible for at least 31 other deaths this year, in the same area of the city.
infidel, Oct 15 2010

       It seems to work OK for police dogs. They can make the distinction.
infidel, Oct 16 2010

       Will the lowland apes wear body armor and cary firearms?
mouseposture, Oct 16 2010

       //The problem with this is that it encourages animals to attack humans//   

       [21Q], you've got this wrong in at least two ways.   

       First, unlike with attack dogs, the ZNWSS is not encouraging the zoo animals to do anything they wouldn't ordinarily be inclined to do. This is precisely the reason there are barriers between the animals and the people at the zoo. They are, by nature, wild, and will remain that way. The zoo keepers do nothing more than ensure the animals needs are met.   

       Second, the entire idea for this service (other than making the zoological society some spare change) is to DISCOURAGE would-be burglars from interacting with the animals. There is not a sign out front of the warehouse saying "FREE BEER! ENTER HERE!" in the hopes that some idiot will wander in and be eaten. If anything at all, there would be a sign that says "If You Enter This Warehouse We Can Assure You That You Won't Need One More Clean Shirt. (Protected by Ferocious Beasts)" Someone of even below par intelligence will, perhaps after a few moments of deliberation, decide to go knock over a convenience store instead.   

       This is a service that provides a deterrent. A unique one to be sure, but a deterrent none-the-less.
Grogster, Oct 16 2010

       //once a wild animal gets the idea that it can attack someone it has to be killed//   

       And yet, the same standard is not applied to an attack dog that has been specifically trained to do the same thing? I don't buy it. Let the idiot beware.
Grogster, Oct 16 2010

       So what you are assuming is that a dog handler is there directing the actions of the dog? That doesn't happen in the real world, [21Q]. Dogs are turned loose in the establishment at night (just as they are in junk yards everywhere) and they rain misery down upon anyone that enters their territory during that time. Alone (or in packs). No handler. Nada. Zippo human intervention. Doesn't happen. They are trained to be mean-ass sumb itches with no guidance whatsoever once they're turned loose.   

       My point was, zoo critters receive no such training and yet the net effect is the same as with the dogs. In fact, they may be better off with the zoo critters than the dogs. The attack dogs will definitely tear their sorry ass up --- the zoo critters may, or may not, whup their ass. What kind of moron will stand there IN EITHER CASE and postulate his chances of survival?   

       I realize I won't change your mind and you're not convincing me either. Fine. Good night...
Grogster, Oct 16 2010

       Good morning, HalfBakers! Any casualties at the warehouse this morning?
Boomershine, Oct 16 2010

Just one. Don't check out the [link] over breakfast.

       Great link, [2 fries].   

       [Grog] The croc in this link was clearly trained to give intruders warning bites; an arm, perhaps a foot. The perpetrator apparently escaped otherwise unharmed. Conclusion: great idea.
Boomershine, Oct 16 2010

       [Boomer], yes, the intruder was otherwise unharmed and otherwise disarmed.
Grogster, Oct 17 2010

       So he was. Splendid!
Boomershine, Oct 17 2010

       An Oldie But a Goody:   

       RE: Repartee With [21Q], Now Lost In The Ether, But Not Forgotten. The blanks are fairly easy to fill in.   

       (And a hearty **FUCK YOU** to all who would silence him or anybody else. I may not agree with him from time to time, but I will fight you to my dying breath protecting his freedom to spout any of the inane shit he says. Take that to the bank.)
Grogster, Jan 24 2015


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