Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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An alternative to torture for gaining information from jihadists
  (+17, -6)(+17, -6)
(+17, -6)
  [vote for,

Given the current contretemps about interrogation techniques and terror suspects, I would like to suggest the following alternative that may be effective with jihadists:

1. Inform suspect that he's about to be summarily executed.

2. Secure suspect to gurney, inject with anesthetic.

3. Suspect wakes up in a softly-lit area, cushions, elegant fabrics, music playing, fog... and lots of beautiful women.

4. Women inform suspect that praise be to Allah, he has reached the heaven of his dreams, and will now spend eternity in connubial bliss with all these virgins and more....

5. ... but first, would he please tell them all the story of his brave and heroic life? With all the details?

6. Roll cameras!

smendler, Nov 08 2005

[moom]'s "lie detector" story http://www.snopes.com/legal/colander.htm
[angel, Nov 08 2005]


       I am reminded of the story about the thief who was attached to a "lie detector". This "lie detector" consisted of a photocopier connected via jump leads to a colander. the colander was placed on the suspect's head, and a piece of paper saying "He's Lying" was put in the photocopier. Whenever the police thought the thief was lying, they pressed the green button. The suspect confessed, apparently.
moomintroll, Nov 08 2005

       What if he lies in order to impress the chicks?
wagster, Nov 08 2005

       It might work in combination with "rendering" (the process Dubya has admitted the US intelligence agencies use to capture suspects and extradite them to locations where they can be tortured/killed without trifling human rights concerns or proof of guilt getting in the way). However, if your suspect was picked up in the target country (eg. US, UK etc) they'd know that local laws prohibit execution without trial so would be unlikely to fall for such a ruse.
DocBrown, Nov 08 2005

       Wasn't this an episode on Mission Impossible? Hm, no, that was a revolutionary tricked into thinking the revolution had come and gone, complete with innocent school teachers up against the wall, and he had to tell them his role in starting the revolution or they'd shoot him, too.   

       Sounds a lot better than torturing limo drivers, anyway. Except that making people think they're going to die counts as torture under the Geneva Convention, if anyone still pays attention to that old thing.
DrCurry, Nov 08 2005

       I like the idea of tricking terrorists - I put up "suicide bomber practice range" - but it got savaged - touchy subject - giving you a plus anyway, even though it's a familiar secenario. I've often wondered about the virgin supply chain "up there" - do they keep getting "new ones" or what? Perhaps some authority on the old "heavenly virgin reward scheme for blowing up children waiting on a bus" subject could offer enlightnement, or is that a bit cynical?
xenzag, Nov 08 2005

       That's why they need to off young people, to keep the heavenly virgin supply cabinets fully stocked.   

       + from me for brilliant alternative thinking.
RayfordSteele, Nov 08 2005

       7. Allah explains to them why their actions are inconsistent with his teachings and sentences them to remain on Earth for many moons. During this time they must repent by preaching his ‘real’ message and never speaking of the encounter.
Shz, Nov 08 2005

       7. After suspect confesses, one of the virgins grabs the side of her face, and pulls off a rubber mask to reveal she is really Martin Landau!
dbsousa, Nov 08 2005

       I don't like this on so many levels.
po, Nov 08 2005

       we don't have to use real virgins
theircompetitor, Nov 08 2005

       Wouldn't they insist on checking? (I know I would!)
DrCurry, Nov 08 2005

       staged executions as alternative to torture? And beagles as alternatives to dogs?
loonquawl, Mar 25 2009

       //I don't like this on so many levels//
It doesn't have to be Martin Landau [po], it could be Barney.
Or even Tom Cruise, if you want to bring it up to date.
coprocephalous, Mar 25 2009

       How is [DrCurry] going to check if their virgins?
theleopard, Mar 25 2009

       If their virgins what?
coprocephalous, Mar 25 2009

       Had had sex.
theleopard, Mar 25 2009


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