Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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self milking cow

self milking cow while solving bovine dental distress
  [vote for,

In the US there are 9 million dairy cattle. A function of their digestion is regurgitation of food, which we see as a cow chewing its cud. This chewing, the opening and clamping of jaws happens every 2 seconds, or 30 times a minute. Assuming a cow awake for 12 hours/day: 12x60x30=21,600 clamping motions/day. In feeding, cows often get pebbles or other hard objects mixed in their feed brought into their mouths which damage their teeth. A denture device can be fabricated which protects the teeth and hinged such that the chewing motion affects a gear which turns an axle which turns an exterior flywheel which turns a dynamo which creates a current which feeds a battery which when needed will power a milking pump
fried dwight, May 14 2011

Transforming cows http://www.youtube....watch?v=FavUpD_IjVY
Animation. [neelandan, May 25 2011]


       Welcome to the 1/2 bakery, [fried dwight].   

       Shall the battery be lead-acid or Lithium-ion?
neelandan, May 14 2011

       Alternatively, you could employ dancing cows with piezoelectric generators under their feet.
ldischler, May 14 2011

       Udderly BRILLIANT, [fd]! Two buns up! [+]
Grogster, May 14 2011

       [ldischler] Cows can't dance: It's well known that they have two left feet.
mouseposture, May 14 2011

       I would pay for a farmerjohn drawing of this. It would be quite in his genre. Oh how I miss the illustrators. A big, fat, milky white, bun for your idea, [fried dwight]!
blissmiss, May 14 2011

       I suspect my last boss did this.
bob, May 15 2011

       my concern in this is a cow, being a social creature, will be wearing a battery around its neck whilst other cow's acoutriments are mostly bells. Will it be accepted as function and also fashion statement? Cows are acknowledged as the first punks with nose rings so risk in coutier is their domain, but still. Secondly if a cow self-milks it is no longer on the grid. 9 million self-milking cows could affect a coal-fired utility, which is a form of rebellion, no longer pawns of "the man"
fried dwight, May 15 2011

       Subversive self-milking cows with haute-couture dentures. That puts a whole different complexion on the idea. [+]
mouseposture, May 15 2011

       Cow milking cow might be another idea: operate on a calf such that any milk sucked from his or her ma's teat goes into the mouth but is then diverted into a bottle around its neck, the calf itself being fed nasogastrically, from a sack of silage strapped to its head. This way lady cows are spared the horrendous cruelty of the milking machine.
calum, May 18 2011

       Wonderful! Finally, get those lazy oh-please-come- milk-me-now-cows to work. [+]
Boomershine, May 18 2011

       [calum] Works with leeches, too. You let them attach, then snip off the tail end with scissors; the blood just keeps flowing out the cut ends, and they never stop pumping blood, 'cause their guts never get distended.
mouseposture, May 19 2011

       [+] very good!
xandram, May 19 2011

       Can we add a laser beam, on the cow's heads?
infidel, May 20 2011

       Of course. Imagine a herd chewing their cud. With each chew the head would bob, as would the laser. Soon the cows would recognize rythym in the bob, seeing in the distance the action of their laser. Some cows would bob to heavy cud of hay, others would bob less to lighter cud of fescue. Cows would migrate to cows of similar bob. In the distant laser light paterns some cows would see a meld into a single laser. Others would see multiple lasers, others would deny the existence of any lasers at all. All the while chewing which provides energy for the pump which milks the cow.
fried dwight, May 25 2011


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