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Foam for men

Add substance and safety to your love-load.
  (+5, -12)(+5, -12)
(+5, -12)
  [vote for,

Contraception for men has been limited to condoms for quite some time. However, the new foam for men is beginning to level the playing field.

Just attach the special Foam-For-Men applicator* to your member, and pump in the foam.

The powerful spermicidal chemicals will go to work from the instant you apply it, and will be mixed thoroughly with the unwanted sperm before it even enters the vagina. There, thickening agents will assure that the remaining sperm is trapped in the vagina until the spermicidal chemicals have done their job.

* some men may experience "mild discomfort" when using the applicator.

Right now, many of you are wondering why you should bother with a spermicidal foam when women can apply these to themselves already. Rest assured gentlemen, the hassle is well worth the results.

Foam for men does more than provide contraception. It enhances your ejaculation. Foam for men will provide added bulk to your ejaculate. The specially formulated gel will ensure natural looking, feeling, and tasting ejaculate additives, so that you too can make a porn-worty money shot.

When you want to protect your lover; use foam for men.

When you want to impress your lover; use foam for men.

When you want to stick a tube up your weiner; Use foam for men.

ye_river_xiv, Apr 05 2007

male birth control http://www.huffingt...ible_n_1400708.html
yes, my evil plans are being made real. [ye_river_xiv, Apr 18 2016]


       a permanent catheter could be installed below the beer belly for just this purpose. you forgot to mention the enhanced size.
po, Apr 05 2007

       Premature thickening would result in a highly painful condition.
nuclear hobo, Apr 05 2007

       I can't say I'd ever want to try the proposed applicator, but bun anyway, just for making me snort my coffee upon reading that last line.
Freefall, Apr 05 2007

       I think I'd rather just go to the doctor and get some sort of spermacide shot in each testicle.
Jscotty, Apr 05 2007

       Wow, two positive votes for an idea that involves sticking things in your pecker. That's positive.   

       Well, lets try and respond to some concerns.   

       I didn't mention the thickening of the member because it probably wouldn't be significant. Most guys tend to shy away from permanent catheters in that region, but apparently increasing the "load" is a powerful marketing ploy, so maybe...   

       Premature thickening probably would not be that serious. Foam for women uses a similar mechanism, of spermicide and thick fluids, but doesn't have a tougher consistency than shaving cream, or so I gather. Actual semen already thickens naturally, and foam for men would simply prolong that process.   

       Needles in the testicle? Umm, if you say so. I've had needles in my arm, and tubes up my pecker, and I'd much prefer the second treatment.   

       But if you're shooting the testicle, some sort of hormone shot to stop sperm production for several months would be a lot better than spermicide, since the spermicide would only last for one go, and wouldn't get the sperm that's stored in the cowpers gland.
ye_river_xiv, Apr 05 2007

       <shudders> [-]
wagster, Apr 05 2007

       //Obstructing the urethra with a tube then injecting a highly expansive foam within, probably isn't so well thought out. Perhaps a cream similar to shaving cream could be applied to the penis which would foam up to a thick lather when invigorated//   

       1: Who said anything about expanding foam? It adds bulk to the load because when you apply it, you're adding bulk to the load.   

       2: who said ideas needed to be well thought out around here?   

       3: It's mostly a joke.   

       Admittedly, the delivery system is less than ideal, but since women currently have to undergo all of the discomfort in the event of a failed contraceptive, we might as well see if we can't get men to share some of the discomfort involved in using contraceptives. Rumor has it that men in the "adult" industry sometimes already pre-load their members with stuff, so a similar delivery method probably isn't too debilitating.
ye_river_xiv, Apr 06 2007

       As said by wagster, ugh... [-].
Germanicus, Apr 06 2007

       Perhaps gel for men would be a better idea.   

       Perhaps the surgically installed catheter would be a better thought out applicator. Sadly, I have no beer gut to hide it in. I also imagine refilling the canister would be troublesome.   

       I'm having a hard time getting my head around a lathering penis-coating spray.
ye_river_xiv, Apr 06 2007

       Flavors will of course be availabile in the near future.   

       Miracle whip, Bannanna cream, and Lemon Meringue spring to mind immediately.   

       I suspect that flavored semen is not enough motivation to get most guys to jam tubes up yonder though.   

       Maybe some form of pressurized "head" covering might work. No, I'm not talking about suction hats.
ye_river_xiv, Apr 07 2007

       An oral applicator would definitely beat out a catheter or syringe.
nuclear hobo, Apr 07 2007

       you say oral very lightly dude. how does that work?
po, Apr 07 2007

       I think he swallows some pills, and a day or so later, they get dissolved into his bloodstream, and filtered out into his bladder, where they foam up like pepto bizmo. I'm sure once the foam pressure is high enough it will be a spectacular display... not something I'd exactly want to show my lover though...   

       Ah well, us guys are wimps. We couldn't stick a little tube up our pee-holes to save the world. Chicks are much tougher, shoving sponges, and diaphragms, and foam applicators and speculums up in that space... hopefully not all at once mind you...   

       But why should women suffer from all the discomfort of applying contraceptives, when they're already going to have to suffer through all the discomfort of a failed contraceptive?
ye_river_xiv, Apr 08 2007

       //... hopefully not all at once mind you...// oopsie.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 08 2007


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