Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Home Made Vagina

Fake Vagina from normal non-embarrassing items...
  (+13, -31)(+13, -31)(+13, -31)
(+13, -31)
  [vote for,
against]

Needed:

-Three to Four socks. -Rubber glove (large size). -lubricant of some type.

Place each sock inside the next one until one "tube," roll top down (<-important). Place glove inside tube leaving "wrist" part outside top, wrap "wrist" end around the "top"of the socks.

Lubricate.

-THROW away glove, for the love, throw it away. -Disassemble when not in use. -Keep lubricant in bathroom.

A non-embarrassing fake vagina...

McGyver, Jun 07 2005

Commercial version http://www.fleshlig...m?id=1001&aff=29832
(Don't ask!) [angel, Jun 08 2005]

(?) Baklava http://escapades.ju...net.com/baklava.jpg
[angel, Jun 13 2005]

Vagina http://www.horsepro...itched%20Vagina.jpg
Well, I can tell the difference. (OK, the vagina is that of a horse, but even so...) [angel, Jun 13 2005]

From Post Secret (http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/) http://photos1.blog...2612/1024/socks.jpg
So did McGyver send this in? [Gordon Comstock, Jun 22 2005]

The cock sock king. http://www.davenava...Bio_RHCP_socks.html
Not for any reason other than no reason not to? [Giblet, Jun 23 2005]

Your virtual wingman! http://dilbertblog....al-wi.html#comments
Take a tip from Scott Adams! [quantum_flux, Oct 16 2007]

I found Adams' advice rather distasteful. http://www.thesadbastard.com
My own advice is more half-baked and less evil. [pertinax, Oct 16 2007]

Fifi http://view.break.com/381709
[jaksplat, Oct 17 2007]

[link]






       Episodes must really getting stale for McGyver to turn to this.
Worldgineer, Jun 07 2005
  

       Just be glad I didn't have some duct tape and C4, HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH.
McGyver, Jun 07 2005
  

       You may benefit from some napkin folding lessons at a quality restaurant. Some of those cordial glass cozies would be just the ticket.
reensure, Jun 07 2005
  

       [UnaBubba] - LOL LOL.   

       [Reensure] - I have always thought that flowers have an almost vulvic appearance at times. Perhaps efflorescent books, napkins, et al should come with M ratings, heh.
McGyver, Jun 08 2005
  

       Stay out of my garden.
lostdog, Jun 08 2005
  

       What? You're not [benfrost]?
wagster, Jun 08 2005
  

       //I have always thought that flowers have an almost vulvic appearance at times.//   

       Pink Floyd thought so too, if their "The Wall" music video is anything to go by. What's your right hand anyway, chopped liver?
Adze, Jun 08 2005
  

       //A non-embarrassing fake vagina// Is that an oxymoron?   

       How exactly, is this not embarrassing?
zen_tom, Jun 08 2005
  

       Home made? Certainly saves having to make them at work. Must come in useful for home childbirthing too.
Ian Tindale, Jun 08 2005
  

       And [Adze] that wasn't Pink Floyd, that was Roger Waters having a socio-political ego-splurge (with assistance from Gerald Scarfe) the 'proper' Pink Floyd heyday was about 5-6 years earlier.
zen_tom, Jun 08 2005
  

       While it's infrequent that I read something that makes me laugh out loud, it's even rarer that I read something that renders me completely speechless, staring vacantly in incomprehension at the screen for several minutes. Well done...
Detly, Jun 08 2005
  

       The jam's home made too.   

       Ohhh, god.
daseva, Jun 08 2005
  

       is this for fake orgasms?
po, Jun 08 2005
  

       [angel] "for her - Mr Limpy"   

       something for every taste eh?
po, Jun 08 2005
  

       Don't mind if I do!
justaguy, Jun 08 2005
  

       I wonder how much experimentation was required to perfect the design.
waugsqueke, Jun 08 2005
  

       I don't.
Detly, Jun 08 2005
  

       //I was hoping for something really good. Masturbate into a sock full of vaseline?//   

       Better than a sock full of jam, I'd venture to guess. (Gotta ask ben for the answer to that one.)
blissmiss, Jun 08 2005
  

       At least now we know where all the missing socks went.   

       For some reason, I can’t bring myself to bone this idea.
Shz, Jun 08 2005
  

       That's so bad, it's good.
blissmiss, Jun 08 2005
  

       A solution often comes to hand.
Ian Tindale, Jun 09 2005
  

       Oh my, I looked at the link. Oh my!
blissmiss, Jun 09 2005
  

       "and when a sperm gets wasted, God gets quite Irate"
Zimmy, Jun 09 2005
  

       (+) Of course the outer-sock would be a sock puppet.   

       "A non-embarrassing fake vagina" sock puppet.
MrDaliLlama, Jun 10 2005
  

       Arrr Gyle, swab the deck.   

       All that thought and effort for 30 seconds of results. I mean that's what I've heard. From other people. Not me.

And if you need to use tube socks you're just bragging.
Canuck, Jun 10 2005
  

       Yer saying leotards are out?
blissmiss, Jun 10 2005
  

       First,   

       Hands down some of the absolute funniest responses I have ever read. It was late at night and I almost woke the fam.   

       [UnaBubba] - cops have to get into the strangest locations sometimes....hehehehhehe.   

       Pink Floyd rocks.   

       [Zen Tom] - It is "non-embarrassing" because the items it is composed of could be there for "other reasons." Heh. You knew what I meant I think, but still.   

       [Ian Tindale] - not certain how the childbirthing thing would work exactly.   

       [Detly] - This idea is years old and comes from a mispent youth I guess. I invented any number of things which almost killed me, ropes across the creek, a cable wire across the creek that had a handle you hung from, damns in the creek...sounds like I spent alot of time in that creek in retrospect (or dangingly highly above it in any case). Anyways, I do not excuse this idea in the least, but it is what it is...so there.   

       [po] - fake orgasms. Sorry, never had one, so I don't know. Is that when your wife/hubby/insignificant other says, "get off me I'm done?"   

       [waugsqueke] - none. The design phrase worked out all the "kinks." HEHEHEH.   

       Jam is sticky, don't try it. Errr, I heard it from a friend of a friend of a friend....yeah...that's it...   

       Socks do not go missing [Shz] they just say in the room for "emergencies." Heh.   

       [Zimmy] - there is a story in the Bible about a guy that was killed by YHVH-God of the Jews because he "wasted his seed on the ground." Various other traditions teach that you loose "lifeforce" and will die sooner if you over work the monkey. Gen 38:9...Onan...when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled [it] on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.   

       [Pa've] - I haven't begun to disillusion you yet...heh. But whether you give me a BONE or whatever, I'm certain I could do something with it. I always come up with something in the end.   

       the puns are almost M/R rated in this thread (doubt a kid would "get them" however), if that went too far edit me, heh.
McGyver, Jun 10 2005
  

       Right. I guess if there's a better reason than needing an ear drained for being up all night, this is one.
reensure, Jun 10 2005
  

       [Zimmy] wasn't quoting the bible but Michael Palin. Godlike maybe, but not God.
Gordon Comstock, Jun 10 2005
  

       //never had one// but you might have a friend who has...
po, Jun 10 2005
  

       I'm surprised, this being the Halfbakery no one has suggested using custard in someway.
maximus5, Jun 10 2005
  

       Well, you know what substitutes the cutard here, don't you??
daseva, Jun 10 2005
  

       I read the title and thought "Oh, yeah, as opposed to a store-bought one - huh, like that's gonna happen". Thanks now to [angel] I'm mildly disturbed to find that there *is* a store-bought one.
TolpuddleSartre, Jun 10 2005
  

       What's "cutard"? Any relation to puddin?
blissmiss, Jun 10 2005
  

       Tuck your fishbones deep inside.   

       It had to be said.
Blumster, Jun 10 2005
  

       A cute retard, or a typo, you be the judge.
daseva, Jun 10 2005
  

       You're right, I was just desperate for an answer.
daseva, Jun 10 2005
  

       Only a retard 'd wear a reotard.   

       Zing!
daseva, Jun 10 2005
  

       //[McGyver], I have to say it... "You are a wanker" UnaBubba, Jun 10 2005//   

       I think that was implied from the get go?   

       My non-joke answer of course is "your oppinion is greatly valued here...bizzaro world."   

       Of course, in discussing this with you I am by definition conversing with a joke so ignore my last comment.
McGyver, Jun 10 2005
  

       ///Only a retard 'd wear a reotard.   

       Zing!///   

       [daseva] Wow, if that was your "zing", I'd hate to see your "burn".   

       Also, [UB], do you watch CSI at all? If you do, you won't have to ask why I asked.
Blumster, Jun 10 2005
  

       McG, you poor loser - <licks arse>   

       <snigger>
The Kat, Jun 11 2005
  

       With the mention of a balaclava, I suddenly had an epiphany... baklava looks like a vagina.
moPuddin, Jun 11 2005
  

       It does not, not at all.
blissmiss, Jun 11 2005
  

       Similar response to Detly. Reading the idea is a bit like having an uninvited stranger come and sit next to you in the park and start rummaging through your picnic hamper. It's just not right...but you've got to admire the audacity.
DrBob, Jun 12 2005
  

       the idea of a home made vagina is nothing new. I read some thing in "Maxim" about things people make in prison. It told how to make an fake vagina called a "Fifi" by rolling up a plastic trash bag and a towel, and then all you need is lotion of some kind.   

       and save the baklava for your coffee break.
-wess, Jun 13 2005
  

       //called a "Fifi"//   

       Okay, naming it is just too much.
Detly, Jun 13 2005
  

       for that, maybe they DO use baklava.....LOL!   

       and yum!
-wess, Jun 13 2005
  

       //How does this work with cunnilingus?// First, fill it with jam.
FarmerJohn, Jun 14 2005
  

       im not sure what to say
benfrost, Jun 22 2005
  

       *gasp*
daseva, Jun 22 2005
  

       I'll never forget the smell of grandma's home made vagina.
benfrost, Jun 23 2005
  

       Ha. I knew you'd figure out something appropriate to say.
Worldgineer, Jun 23 2005
  

       I think this has been baked, at leat half way (see link).
Giblet, Jun 23 2005
  

       Wow, what a disturbing world of hurt I have stumbled into here.   

       And I was wondering why the "lubricant" should be kept in the bathroom, something like a can of WD-40 (engine degreaser) or PAM (butter in a can for cooking applications) might seem out of place there seeing as they are both lubricants.   

       And what about women using this? Perhaps a lesbian might be attracted to this idea?   

       I knew some people who made a vagina at home once... took about 16 years till it was ready to use though.
BunsenHoneydew, Nov 02 2005
  

       was that the lemon flavoured? high in cals you know and a nut warning too   

       // I'll never forget the smell of grandma's home made vagina // I think I may die laughing...   

       you think I''m kidding... <keels over, never to be heard of again...
po, Nov 02 2005
  

       I gotta stop reading the 'bakery at the library, before my laughing disturbs the wicked librarian, that sits behind me...
blissmiss, Oct 16 2007
  

       I can imagine getting caught by the father from "American Pie" with the scene cutting to us sitting at the kitchen table with the lubricant oozing out of this contraption and then the father saying, "Err, ummm.. well.. its.. perfectly NORMAL for guys.. your age to.. experiment with... fellatious innovations.. and um..." I don't know what makes a good discreet "toy" but if I saw a bunch of socks stacked into each other with a rubber glove on the inside of the bundle, I would immediately think that something was wierd about that.
Jscotty, Oct 16 2007
  

       This is exactly what is commonly referred to in the military as a "Feefee". Not sure where the name comes from, but that's what they called it when I was in tech school. Never used one myself (never needed one), but I've heard they feel quite realistic, especially if you put it in the microwave for about 15 seconds to warm it up first. There was a guy in my class I used to hang out with that got drunk one night and told me all about it. I just sorta looked at him and backed slowly away.
21 Quest, Oct 16 2007
  

       Sure you did, [Questy], sure you did...   

       Just a guess, but did you go to Texas A&M?   

         

       ..and..*microwaved*?!
squeak, Oct 17 2007
  

       How long does that radiation linger after you take it out of the microwave?
Jscotty, Oct 17 2007
  

       I don't think it's "that kind" of radiation. I think all you need to worry about is the temperature.   

       "DAMN, THAT'S HOT!"
normzone, Oct 17 2007
  

       Not after 15 seconds, it wouldn't be. And, no, I didn't go to A&M, I went to USAF Technical Training School at Sheppard AFB, which sits right smack in the middle of Wichita Falls, the sphincter of America.
21 Quest, Oct 17 2007
  
      
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