h a l f b a k e r y
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This idea is to counteract the disturbance
encountered in open-plan
ofices of people nearby having
conversations. I'm proposing an
over-engineered technology solution to
this problem rather than just going and
telling these people to be quiet
of the same thing and people in
glass houses, etc.
o It would be a
especially for us English
o This is
this, you would set a little "sensitivity to
disturbance" slider on your
computer which you would obviously set
"High" when you are working hard.
With everyone's input, the server
behind this would then be
able to create a map of sensitivity for
floor. Then, using the
microphones in every computer, the
builds a "noise map" of the
floor and identifies desks with a relative
high noise level, once
ambient noise from airconditioning, etc.
have been taken into account.
IR transponders built into employee ID
badges (as already used in some
workplaces) are used to identify where
these noise hotspots correlate
with more than one employee being near
Where these potential
sources of disturbance overlap with high
areas of noise sensitivity from
the sensitivity map, the system will
interrupt the conversation.
Obviously you don't want to use sound
this interruption, instead I
propose that motorised rollers in the
computer's mouse are used to make
move in little, distracting, circles on the
mousepad - bigger circles
for bigger disturbances of
[5 years today!]
For DrBob [DesertFox, Mar 02 2005]
||Not sure that the mouse would make enough of an impact on the offenders' attention but I like the principle. Perhaps continuous opening and closing of the PC's CD door could be added to the effect?
||I could use this, though throwing office products at offenders is more fun.
||I was with you until you started moving mice about to make people quiet. This is horribly passive aggressive. Far better to have a fucking massive klaxon ring. Aggressive aggressive, yes but it will get results. Can I have the modified version for my office, esp. near all the typing pools?
||Use real mice then you can empty the office completely.
||5 years, wow, is jutta even that old?
||I think the problem is understandable, though the soloution a bit too extreme. I would lean more towards a fifty foot long megaphone, a platform dangling from the ceiling, and a really loud baritone, shouting "shut the fuck up", every three and 1/2 minutes, all day.
||Seems that active noise cancellation, combined with your noise map and free donuts every morning, could solve all problems. I admit the donuts aren't necessary for the noise issues.
||A thoroughly overblown response to a genuine problem.
Well done indeed, sir
Happy 10th Halfbirthday.
||Watching the "prarie-dogging" effect of a disturbance is the only thing that makes office life bearable. But I do like the idea of an over-engineered technological solution to a minor problem. It sounds expensive too! +
||//make the mouse move in little, distracting, circles on the mousepad - bigger circles for bigger disturbances of course.//
I need a young priest and an old priest.
||but but but, that would train everyone to get really noisy in the morning just so they could scam a free air-biscuit, I mean flung donut. I wouldn't do that myself, of course. No, I'd hang out quietly near one of the windbags until I heard the mouth-watering boioioioing of the donutapult, and then I'd be up in the air like Michael Jordan--zang!--nabbin' that free cruller! boo-yah!
||Croissant with five candles on it.
||This would work in non-open plan offices (erk... closed offices!?) as a deterent for the waifs and strays that congregate outside my office (they tend to be looking for someone in a neighbouring office and upon failing, they stay and chat).
||The link posted by DesertFox was blocked by my anti-virus software. Treat with caution.