Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Keep out of reach of children.

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lurch

[This account was created in a pottery crash in October 1227BC and has been partially replaced by a cracked copy. If you think it is yours, you're quite simply wrong.]





clpeterson at cabertossingmarmot dot net





Powerful enough to run xsane as root.
Smart enough not to.
Desperate enough to do it anyway.





I've got a photographic memory. Why, I'd forget my breakfast if there wasn't a picture of it on the cereal box!





There's more than one way to obtain a cat. Then there are multiple ways to decide what to do with it. And when you've decided (inevitably) to skin it, there is more than one way to do that.





Will revise history for food





Houston, we have a parabola.





Inept driver on open course. Do not attempt.





Our *new* functionality is enabled via exofumic reactors and photo-quality retro-reflection!





Space-time is curved. And warped, and bent. And cracked, and wrinkled, and has some holes in it and it's got an ugly paint job, and WE WANT A NEW ONE.





Boldly thinking where no box has gone before.





Widely known to not exist.





I hear voices in my head telling me to correct people's spelling.





Poof of concept.





Putting the "trap" in "contraption".





Everything you need to know about a man's character can be determined from how he reacts to a hangfire.





Limited Lifetime Warranty: you break it, you're dead





Two heads may be better than one, but half a head and no heads at all are approximately the same value.





I am so extremely curious, I pose a grave risk to cats.





Melogrammatic.





With enough ping-pong balls to sink a battleship.





Real smoke. Fake mirrors.





Get your mime out of the gutter.





I think, therefore I am.
You're not thinking, so why do you still exist?





Author of "Adventures of a Line-Following Robot in the Land of 'O's"





Brought to you by the makers of Charlie's Minimally Toxic Cooking Soap.
It'll leave you so healthy & clean, your butt hole will heal shut and not even leave a scar!





I don't know if I'm in that Ooolongftangftangbank thing or not.





The pen may well be mightier than the sword - but it fails to make a quick, clean ending for him who decides to end it all by falling upon it.


[Sep 15 2002, last modified May 25 2016]
   
(+3) 3-speed Wheelchair
(+7) A mark posted at (x,y) on the wall
(+6) Acupuncture for autos
(+10, -1)(+10, -1) All Weather Olympic Torch Lighter
(+10, -1)(+10, -1) Anti-superstitious cat bleach
(+17, -1)(+17, -1) Auto Lepidoptera
(+4, -1) AWACS Pizza
(+35, -3)(+35, -3)(+35, -3) Belly-dump Hearse
(+6) Bic 870
(+19, -2)(+19, -2) Blowfish Tearaways
(+5, -1) Borborygmi Modulator
(+6, -1) Bouguer Deflection Flat-Planet Positioning system
(+12, -1)(+12, -1) Bowling billiards
(+4) Box Spacesuit
(+12, -1)(+12, -1) Bungeeing for Apples
(+47, -3)(+47, -3)(+47, -3) Canary Resuscitator
(+6, -2) Cell phone vibrator - seismographic mode
(+11, -2)(+11, -2) Code Mumblers
(+6, -1) Coffee table marker lights
(+11)(+11) Control-freak's Blender
(+6) Coriolis Curling
(+2, -1) Cow-y-oke
(+7, -1) Crystal TV
(+38, -1)(+38, -1)(+38, -1) Desk Upgrade Cover
(+3) Differential Accelerometry
(+14, -2)(+14, -2) Dog Nav
(+2) Dog rolling tray
(+17, -4)(+17, -4) Doublewide Treadmill
(+8, -1) Dropped Food Safety Estimator
(+17)(+17) Earthquake HangTags
(+2) Engineer's Easel
(+5, -2) faux-FTL news
(+3) Filter Fountain
(+4) Gel Wrestling
(+7) Google Earth Date/Timestamp
(+10)(+10) Google Glass Backyard Flight Sim
(+3) GPR sinkhole alarm
(+10, -2)(+10, -2) Gregorian Chant Children's Songs
(+12, -3)(+12, -3) Gym bag, with fan
(+16)(+16) Half Walker
(+3) Halo generating hat
(+19, -1)(+19, -1) Head Down Display
(+7) Helocaber
(+3, -2) Human Resources Cannonball
(+12, -1)(+12, -1) Hymnasium
 Indoor Biathlon
(+3) InstantCat scanner
(-3) Internal Dryer Drum Clutch
(+2, -3) Kum-Ba-Yah-Do
(+5, -1) Laparoscopic Road Repair
(+10)(+10) Laser Fire Exit Pointer
(+5) Laserschino Cherry
(+6) Locking C-Clamp
(+8, -2) Low-Wattage Rasterized Scanning Toaster
(+9, -1)(+9, -1) Marceau Park
(+5, -1) Musical self-stirring thermo-mug
(+4) Null Keyboard Plug
(+4) Pokemon Go Thataway
(+8)(+8) Predictive Text at end of word
(+15)(+15) Propane fueled video display
(+5) Prosthetic Tree Limb
(+11)(+11) Razor Odometer
(+4, -1) Recumbent motorized wheelchair
(+5) Road Construction Webcam
(+7) Royal Transfusions
(+4) Segway Immobilizer
(+16)(+16) Sign Language Yodeling
(+4) Solar solstice laser
(+11, -1)(+11, -1) Spaceman's Broom
(+8, -1) Spaghetti nodo Gordiano
(+17)(+17) Squeaky Toy Silicone Implant
(+4) Stellar Flash Photography
(+7) Styptic block
(+34)(+34)(+34) Termite router
(+2) Tinkertoy bog roll adapter
(+1) Tongue Cot
(+37, -1)(+37, -1)(+37, -1) Tongue remover
(+2) Transatlantic Custard Pipeline
(+15, -3)(+15, -3) Underwater Sumo
(+2) URP scanner
(+6, -1) Ventriloquist mime
(+14)(+14) Viking headphones
(+13, -2)(+13, -2) Vuvuzela-scope
(+7, -1) Watermelon Snorkel
(+3, -2) What's your problem?
(+9, -1)(+9, -1) "What was that?" recorder
 Whiteboard Scanner Backup & Defrag Bot
(+6) Windlatch
(+12, -2)(+12, -2) Windowless airliner
(+3) Wood scent air freshener & alarm
(+10)(+10) Zip Tie Gender Changer
 

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