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As the below recorded instructions play, the stewardess
will mime all the associated actions.
"Hello and thank you for flying Remulac3 Airlines. Your
money is important to us, so we want to increase your
chances of survival in the... we'll call it, "unlikely"
(stewardess makes air quotes)
event of an emergency"
"Once the captain is aware of an emergency, he will
indicate the status of the situation over the intercom by
screaming "OH MY
GOD! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (stewardess holds head
hands and mouths what the captain is saying) That fat
sitting next to you is going to block your exit (stewardess
puffs out cheeks and extends stomach while waddling in
place) so it's
important to climb over them before they can dig into
disgusting fat roll to find their seatbelt buckle.
Now your stewardess is going to demonstrate some basic
hand to hand combat techniques to clear the aisle.
Depending on your physical size, you may need to strike
more sensitive areas of people in your path. These would
include the groin, eyes and stomach. If you're big enough
you may be able to utilize headlocks and body slams to
safely clear the path to the exit.
Once you've exited the plane and are in the life raft, it's
important to disengage it before anybody else can get
especially those fat people we warned you about earlier.
Pull the red cable and continue to engage those trying to
Also note, first class passengers will be given survival
priority so all you proles shut up and wait your turn.
Thank you for watching, because at Remulac3
Airlines, we "care". (stewardess does the air quotes
Northrop Corporation selected actress and singer Joan Elms to record the automated voice warnings. To those flying the B-58, the voice was known as "Sexy Sally." [kdf, Feb 11 2021]
Otherwise known as "coach", "steerage", or most accurately "cattle class" ... [8th of 7, Feb 11 2021]
||"Those of you in First Class have been assigned personal Ninjas to clear the proles out of your way, and keep them back with impressive swordplay while you don the lifejacket and/or parachute in the concealed locker in your private washroom ..."
||Hmmm, combined lifejacket and parachute harness ?
||"Those of you in Ultra Executive Class will notice a brief
moment of discomfort as the B58 Hustler-style
encapsulation process initiates. Fortunately, for your
convenience, the in-flight entertainment & mini-bar is
replicated inside. In the event of an emergency, channel 23
will broadcast the flaming descent of the remainder of the
||""Those of you in Ultra Executive Class:..."
||... will have this preflight briefing and other in-flight
announcements dubbed by "Sexy Sally." (link)
||Sp. "proles" ... proletariat.
||A hybrid of proles and trolls ? Sounds like what you'd get if [xenzag] and [kdf] had a child together ...
||<Sound of screaming and receding running boots/>