As the below recorded instructions play, the stewardess
will mime all the associated actions.
"Hello and thank you for flying Remulac3 Airlines. Your
money is important to us, so we want to increase your
chances of survival in the... we'll call it, "unlikely"
(stewardess makes air quotes)
event of an emergency"
"Once the captain is aware of an emergency, he will
indicate the status of the situation over the intercom by
screaming "OH MY
GOD! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (stewardess holds head
hands and mouths what the captain is saying) That fat
sitting next to you is going to block your exit (stewardess
puffs out cheeks and extends stomach while waddling in
place) so it's
important to climb over them before they can dig into
disgusting fat roll to find their seatbelt buckle.
Now your stewardess is going to demonstrate some basic
hand to hand combat techniques to clear the aisle.
Depending on your physical size, you may need to strike
more sensitive areas of people in your path. These would
include the groin, eyes and stomach. If you're big enough
you may be able to utilize headlocks and body slams to
safely clear the path to the exit.
Once you've exited the plane and are in the life raft, it's
important to disengage it before anybody else can get
especially those fat people we warned you about earlier.
Pull the red cable and continue to engage those trying to
Also note, first class passengers will be given survival
priority so all you proles shut up and wait your turn.
Thank you for watching, because at Remulac3
Airlines, we "care". (stewardess does the air quotes