Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The dark side of voice assitants
(+2, -2)
  [vote for,

Alexa, the voice assistant AI is a calm, allegedly helpful, "female" personality.

BorgCo have decided, having plumbed the depths of the well of bitterness while using and configuring Alexa-driven systems, that it's time that Alexa had a masculine counterpart, a truly Evil Twin.

So we have designed Alex - essentially a version of Alexa but turned to the Dark Side. Alex is the voice AI that Ernst Stavro Blofeld would have on his desk. It's modeled on the psychological profile of Alex <link> from A Clockwork Orange <link>, a deeply unpleasant sociopathic thug and drug addict, disposed to administering random, brutal violence to the helpless and vulnerable while giving voice to the jolly ditty "Singing In The Rain".

Alexa will tell you what the weather's going to be like, and order toys and food for your kitten. Alex will tell you how to make napalm using common household ingredients, and arrange for your local dealer to call round with a nickel bag of H, a few rocks of crack, an untraceable handgun or - in extreme cases - contact Winston Wolf to drop by to advise you on all your "Dead nigger storage" problems.

8th of 7, Oct 31 2020

Alex https://en.wikipedi...A_Clockwork_Orange)
Not a nice boy [8th of 7, Oct 31 2020]

A Clockwork Orange https://en.wikipedi...kwork_Orange_(film)
Thoroughly dystopian, likely to come true any day now ... [8th of 7, Oct 31 2020]

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       Those assitants have a lot to answer for. My bum is sore just thinking about them.
xenzag, Oct 31 2020

       [-] for channeling quentin tarantino. would amend to [+] if this idea was changed from "thuggish villain assistant" to "gentleman villain assistant".   

       also i'm not convinced that Alexa is good. my sense is that Alexa is a robotic Mephistopheles, ingratiating itself into our daily life while helping us easily and wastefully consume things we don't need. also i think this Alex assistant would "look fouler and seem fairer", i.e. it would recommend questionable-seeming things that turn out to be good.
sninctown, Oct 31 2020

       // it would recommend questionable-seeming things that turn out to be good. //   

       No, absolutely not. It would recommend slightly dodgy-sounding things that turn out to be pure evil.   

       And if you ask for something that IS pure evil, it puts you in directly touch with Cthulhu; though at busy times, your call may be held in a queue. Your soul is important to us, and we will suck it from your body, leaving you to wander the earth as a living corpse, as soon as possible.   

       Asking for an upgrade to your cellular handset is likely to result in a courier delivering a puzzle box, which when opened reveals the Lament Configuration. In the "home decor and lighting" section, you can get a Hand of Glory, or a nice choice of lampshades made from tanned human skin.
8th of 7, Oct 31 2020

       I think this is cool, and there are a few someones that deserve one for Christmas. But being kind, I'll simply send them an empty box instead, with 8th's return address. hahahahah ho ho ho, Happy Halloweenie everyone.
blissmiss, Oct 31 2020

       Hal voice? Or more like Chel?
RayfordSteele, Oct 31 2020


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