Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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iPhone Text Feature That Measures Alchohol On Breath

Writes dictated words appropriate for the level of inebriation.
  (+3)
(+3)
  [vote for,
against]

Could have the breathalizer build into the case communicating with the phone through Bluetooth. An app transcribes your speech into text appropriate to how drunk you are.

So even if you say reasonably clearly: "Yea, we're having a great time, just had a couple of cocktails, might get a nightcap later."

the Boozelator writes "Yhaa, whesher havna ghurat tum. Shhesh hassa kuploa costaze, miguna ghutta nihcap lillator."

This way the person receiving the text will know how drunk you are.

doctorremulac3, Apr 23 2023

drunk_20detecting_20cell_20phone [xenzag, Apr 24 2023]

Tom Lehrer - Vatican Rag https://www.youtube...watch?v=3f72CTDe4-0
[Voice, Apr 25 2023]

[link]






       Tell ya what, bun this I'll go bun one of your ideas. The rules don't say anything about bun trading. Peace through commerce, it's beautiful thing.   

       Seems a little squirrely? Eh, makes it even more interesting.   

       (Not on a regular basis, that'd be too weird, just a one time thing)
doctorremulac3, Apr 23 2023
  

       Totally agree. That's why I picked ideas that I thought were the best going down your list.   

       Conga Line Dance on linked monowheel scooters [+]   

       Odiferous Area Denial System [+]   

       Gloves for finger painting [+]   

       Last one was the best.   

       Now that being said, I think we both might be spending a little too much time on the old HB. Making us both a little wacky. Maybe I'll take up golf. Get away from these damn computers all the time.
doctorremulac3, Apr 23 2023
  

       There's an idea.
doctorremulac3, Apr 23 2023
  

       In order to receive the messages, the recipient should have to match or exceed the sender's degree of inebriation. Think of it as geo-fencing, but with lassitude instead of latitude.
jutta, Apr 24 2023
  

       Thought it was a familiar idea…. see link
xenzag, Apr 24 2023
  

       I like the idea of setting your phone to only talk to people as drunk as you are. I never minded drunk conversations with friends if I were drunk, but get an obviously soused buddy calling at 10 at night? Suddenly I turn into the Pope.   

       By the way, I haven't drank for decades but doesn't mean I don't have great memories.
doctorremulac3, Apr 24 2023
  

       // Suddenly I turn into the Pope. //   

       Now *that* I would like to see. Where were you hiding the hat?
pertinax, Apr 24 2023
  

       //Now *that* I would like to see. Where were you hiding the hat?//   

       "Is that a Pope's hat in your pants or are you just very very very happy to see me?"   

       I know they're cliche' but those Pope hat down the pants jokes never get old.
doctorremulac3, Apr 24 2023
  

       Gotta add, if it's too garbled, the app just sends "Too drunk to talk right now".   

       LOL!, Then if you try to text again the app says "Dude, really. Sleep it off."   

       You could also program it to say "Bro, listen to yourself..." and it plays back a recording of your slurring mess.
doctorremulac3, Apr 26 2023
  
      
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