Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Antichrist Doorbell

Scare away bible-thumpers with the power of Satan
  [vote for,

This is a doorbell with a video projector and speaker. When someone presses the doorbell, Satanic images and videos (the devil, witches, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen..) are projected onto the front of the door, and loud Satanic music (Ozzy, Iron Maiden, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen..) is played through the speaker. If it happens to be a religious fruitcake come to convert you, he/she will be frightened away.
DeathNinja, Sep 18 2003

(?) Catholic Exorcism Ritual http://members.aol....tholicexorcism.html
[Laughs Last, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


       you don't like religious fruitcake? first time I've known you refuse food.
po, Sep 18 2003

       And as an added bonus Catholics might come over and try an old fashioned exorcism. I love a good exorcism.
jrzx15, Sep 18 2003

       Of course, they might just see this as a challenge...
yamahito, Sep 18 2003

       Great for Halloween.
waugsqueke, Sep 18 2003

       Satanic Santa, crucified Chris Cringle, and the severed head of St. Nicholas could ward off carrolers at christmas time ... I hate carrolers more than I hate mimes
Letsbuildafort, Sep 18 2003

       - Remove the plastic cover from the doorbell button
- Remove the transformer from the fuse box and reconnect the wires

       There will be a pile of bodies on your doorstep, but hey, if they had to ring the bell you probably didn’t want to talk to them anyway.
Shz, Sep 18 2003

       Any religious extremism will attract all the other religious extremists who will try to 'help' you. You just need to go into a tirade from an opposite religious viewpoint. The other day my neighbor, a harmless but crazy born-again freak, preached in a loud-from-the-gut-preacher-voice to the door to door Mormons in Suits from the top of his porch for about an hour and a half. It was great. They were all sweating in the heat, and Mike (my neighbor) wouldn't let them leave, he just as determined to save the Mormons as they were to save him. I had plenty of time to make a makeshift NO SOLICITORS sign, which works fine, except for the illiterate drunks asking for money.
oxen crossing, Sep 18 2003

       Why do you want to scare off solicitors? My dog loves them and I don't have to feed him for days after he had a couple.
kbecker, Sep 18 2003

       Or, even more demonic, a trap in the eaves could open and shower the fruitcake with Longaberger basket pamphlets. A recording would ask them to play a game using the first letter of their first name to describe their favorite thing to place in a basket. (could I possibly make this up? NO) Then a 15 minute pitch encouraging the intruder to host his own special basket party and entreat friends and colleagues to endure an evening of sheer hell.   

       Substitute Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Party Lite, and such at will.
BeeBee, Sep 19 2003

       Also, I'm going to go ahead and suggest that Oxen Crossing relocate. The born-again freak and well dressed Mormons sound pretty entertaining. But if you've got roving bands of illiterate drunks knockin on your door asking for money, it's time for a new address.
BeeBee, Sep 19 2003

       Needs a Ouija Board Welcome Mat, which I'm going to manufacture right now...
thumbwax, Sep 19 2003

       Well I only assume they are illiterate, as they seem to be ignoring the sign. They too are entertaining. "We're in your neighborhood today drawing numbers, and your number came up, so you have the opportunity to--"
"Um, you used the same line last week, and I showed you the sign here, remember," I say, reeling from the boozy fumes wafting from the guy.
"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, well could you see your way-."
"Sorry, don't ever ring this bell again. See the sign? That means don't ring this bell. Good-bye."

       He hasn't been back for a while. We are going to move though, next year, but because of the schools, not so much the neighborhood.
oxen crossing, Sep 19 2003

       Once word gets around, wouldn't it make your front porch kind of a magnet for the local bad guys and other folks from The Dark Side who would be dropping by for inspiration, not to mention all the curious neighborhood youngsters who would then make your life miserable ringing the bell and running away? >Go ahead I dare you, ring the bell and the devil will pop up...<
little dog laughed, Sep 21 2003

       //We are going to move though, next year, but because of the schools//   

       //the curious neighborhood youngsters who would then make your life miserable ringing the bell and running away//   

       Littledog, looks like you were right!
egbert, Sep 21 2003

       I have found that answering the door naked scares off most of the solicitors. Although the Mormons wouldn't go away until I insisted they join me in watching reruns of Barney.
ato_de, Sep 22 2003

       The olsen twins are a fabulous example of acting prowess!   

       "[Deadlock'd] dies by choking on a bit of sarcasm lodged in his throat."
Deadlock'd, Feb 04 2004

       I love it.   

       My current way of getting rid of bible bashers is to claim that I am the Devil. Tell them if they knock on your door again you will see to it that they rot in hell. It works for me.   

       Or invite them into your house and tell them that religion only exists to make money.
magic_ki, Feb 04 2004

       I got the perfect way to get rid of them, put a large sign stating that you GIVE BLOOD, they'll never come again.
magic_ki, Feb 04 2004

       + I'd take one of these.
xandram, Jul 03 2007

       [Letsbuildafort] To get rid of mimes, a white-gloved hand-shaped knocker would project from the wall and perform a silent knocking motion inches away from the door.
marklar, Jul 03 2007

       Answering the door in the nude works just as well with religious fruitcakes, though you may get a different result with delivery and service people.
nuclear hobo, Jul 03 2007

       Baked, I think that Ozzy Osborne already has this kind of yearlong halloween theme going on at his house.
quantum_flux, Jul 03 2007


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