h a l f b a k e r y
actual product may differ from illustration
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Turn gigantic stumbling blocks into unfeasibly large stepping stones
Crisis! An asteroid 600m wide has been detected that's heading directly
toward a major world population centre and is set to kill tens of millions.
Your reaction? To yell "Bonza" and crack open a tin of the amber fluid. The
governments of the world are ready to open their wallets to anyone who
save humanity, which means your decades of quixotic planning can finally
turn into action in the capable hands of Aussie science.
After several years flat out like a lizard drinking, the Australian Space
Agency finally gets the thermonuclear device into space and carefully
positions it against the asteroid. The detonation minutely adjusts its
course to send it from the east to hit the western end of the Great
Australian Bight at an acute angle. The impact digs out a sub-sea-level
crater 100 kilometres across and throws up a mountain range 1.5 km high,
resulting in immediate hydration of the region and setting it up for
continuing orographic precipitation. Ripper.
The rest of the world is relieved that disaster was averted but frankly they
carry on like a bunch of Pommies about the years of atmospheric ash to
There have been other ideas about an Australian Inland Sea, and ideas
about saving the earth from rogue asteroids, but has there ever been a
single idea that combines both into one and tosses in a mountain range for
good measure? Beaut if I do say so myself.
||Anything that gets rid of Australia is a good idea.
(all wildlife saved of course) So my hope is that
the asteroid tears it out of ground and flings the
whole place into orbit. We can call it Asteroidalia.
With any luck a similar event will rip out Texas too
and convert it into a ball of orbiting lava.
||You do know that Monsanto is not Australian, don't you?
||Monsanto is everywhere. Everywhere. See that slight movement in that shrub over there ? That's Monsanto. Watching you. Waiting. Plotting. Planning. Choosing the moment to sneak up on you and steal your DNA ...
||Keep your tinfoil hat pulled tight down ... keep looking behind you ... don't sleep, they come for you in your sleep ...
||When are you going to reveal the love child you
and Max have humped into existence? We need
pics and details.
||<Statler and Waldorf disclaimer/>
||"Love child" ? Shirley not. It was grown in a tank for us by
||Mind you don't overshoot and take out the vineyards of Margaret
||Make it deep enough and perhaps you could simultaneously
ocean level rise worry as well. Hat Trick!
||If it's mountains you want, then cancel your recycling
program, take in a good bit of money accepting everyone
else's trash, pile it all in some convenient corner of the
continent, and in no time you have a mountain. Perhaps a
smelly one, but hey, that methane can be harvested as fuel