Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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A way to rate your burps, unbiasedly
  (+7, -4)
(+7, -4)
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I envision the Belchometer being about the size of an adult human foot, with the look of a large digital calculator having a 2" diameter mesh covered intake. When you feel a burp coming up the pipe, you place your mouth near the mesh and let fly the bellow. Sophisticated circuitry analyzes, in part, moisture content, decibel level, longevity, consistency, stench and pitch. This data is initially compared to preset researched averages and rates your burp on a scale of 0.0 to 10.0.

The unit comes equipped with a computer port connection that, as distribution and use increases, allows you to upload your own statistics to an online site and combine it to other real world scores while simultaneously retrieving the new averages from the other burps. Compared to this new information, your rating is revalued and your prowess or ineptness in the world of burps is quantified.

macncheesy, Mar 29 2005

Gastric Acid Check http://www.freepate...ne.com/4548805.html
Who has the most gastric acid contest. [macncheesy, Jul 10 2007]

Like this, but backwards? fartpower_20(fp)
[phundug, Dec 18 2007]


       Is this weighted like the Richter scale?
Mr Burns, Mar 29 2005

       My sister (a dear young lady; butter wouldn't melt in her mouth), used to do this in a non-technical way.
In a large office, belch as loudly as possible (preferably in the company of men), and see how far away you can get someone to turn around to see who made that awful noise.
Of course, she would act as if nothing happened, and all attention would be directed at the accompanying males.
Ling, Mar 30 2005

       Presumably it too would analyse moisture content, decibel level, longevity, consistency, stench and pitch. Based on that it could be the same product. Use clever marketing though to get twice the sales.
Texticle, Mar 31 2005

       The fartometer would have an added accessory: a sparker switch which could....ignite things....
macncheesy, Apr 01 2005

       Could the both Belchometer and the fart-o-meter also measure the speed of the smell?
gorjabuble, Jul 17 2005

       That's too much dependent on how many other people are in the room, size of the room, HVAC system...this just rates the person, not the environment.   

       I was wondering when we'd get an idea posted here that really used modern computing technology to its fullest extent. I'm still wondering, mind you, but this is a good diversion.
shapu, Jul 18 2005

       Your sister sounds like a classy lady, [Ling]. Can I have her number?
Minimal, Jul 18 2005

       Only if you are going to offer her a job as a promotions director - she's looking in LA at the moment.
Ling, Jul 19 2005

       See the link for an "actual" health benefit that could be added to the unit.   

       I don't see what there is to not like about this.
macncheesy, Dec 17 2007


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