Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Benzodiazepine Flags

"Oh come on, are we burning another flag? God, I feel so alone."
  (+14, -4)(+14, -4)
(+14, -4)
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These flags have a sufficient quantity of varying benzodiazepines (depressants) mixed into the dyes. This will produce a depressive effect upon those in its vicinity when the flag is burnt for whatever reason.

These flags are surreptitiously distributed by crafty governments and dodgy corporations at protests. They have been exhaustively tested to ensure no physical or long term mental damage is incurred upon inhalation of the fumes.

Revellers and spectators alike inhaling the benzos after a good flag burning go a bit limp, hang their heads mopishly and mumble quietly to themselves that actually they wish they were at home under a duvet, watching Trisha, sipping a warm cup of cocoa with someone there to give them a big hug.

theleopard, Apr 04 2007

Protester burning flag dies of fumes http://www.news.com...ir2ev-1226477229229
You might want to tweak the formula a bit. Seems a bit harsh. [AusCan531, Sep 19 2012]

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       Good idea, until the protesters catch on, and start smoking the flags on purpose. Before long, an underground black market in illegal flags will develop. People start off on relatively light flags, tricolours, fleur-de-lis etc but inexorably get introduced to harder flags, eventually becoming destitute as they spend all their income feeding their jolly roger and union jack habits.
zen_tom, Apr 04 2007

       //eventually becoming destitute as they spend all their income feeding their jolly roger and union jack habits.//   

       ...keeps 'em off the streets.   

       You're right though, there even may be a certain flag-licking element in schools. Kids getting high in class in front of their supervisors and not getting into trouble because their teachers see it as merely a (somewhat overly exuberant) display of patriotic devotion.
theleopard, Apr 04 2007

       It's difficult to imagine governments and dodgy corporations exhaustively testing *anything* to ensure no physical or long term mental damage.
nuclear hobo, Apr 04 2007

       They may be distributed by governements and corporations, but it is the manufacturer of the flags that has had them exhaustively tested.
theleopard, Apr 04 2007

       I was thinking about having the flag contain an agent that would make people's hair stand on end making them look like lunatics but couldn't think of anything that would work.   

       Also, another possibility would be to have the flag coated with a flame proof chemical but only in certain places so that, when burning, the flag would reveal an effigy of the Mother of Christ or perhaps Muhhamed. The Danes would love it.
theleopard, Apr 04 2007

       Could have called it "con-flag-rations" - awarding myself a croissant for that one , but you can take care of it for me +
xenzag, Apr 04 2007

       What about fire safety? If there's fire and you inhale some of these burning flag products, you may decide not to get help, not to escape. You'd weep instead, loosing the will to live, and cry lonesomely.
xipetotec, Apr 04 2007

       ...which might teach someone else, at least, not to do it again.
david_scothern, Apr 04 2007

       Not to mention that general flag-burnery usually occurs out of doors when there really shouldn't be too much danger...   

       Unless of course they're at a petrol station, but if that's the case, according to Darwin's theory of evolution, we're better off without them.
theleopard, Apr 04 2007

       I meant accidental fire -- you know, like when someone forgets to check the smoke alarm batteries. Normally people call 911 to get a fire crew sent, but after inhaling these fumes they may decide to just lay on the couch and look at the fire.
xipetotec, Apr 04 2007

       //It's funny how exerting control over another's mind is reletively benign to people's sensibilites, but exerting control over another's body is reprehensible. They should be on the same level.//   

       Your mind is worthless. Your body, however, serves as an excellent bullet sponge. Duh.
shapu, Apr 04 2007

       When I start my own country the flag will depict only rising flames, thereby rendering the burning of it pointless.
wagster, Apr 04 2007

       [Shapu] man, your mind is a sponge, right? And, and your body is like a smoke alarm without any batteries. And a burning patriotic cloth, yeah? Is an effigy of Mary speaking through the flickering light of dyes and flames like a fire hydrant on a bouy in a reservoir. That's got no water in it. And it's all on fire. Because someone built a petrol station under the water before it drained away and then someone like, said there's no potato phones to ring the fire brigade. That is messed up right there.   

       Dude, I gotta stop smoking flags.
theleopard, Apr 04 2007

       Make the flags out of extrodinarily dangerously sensitive explosives....first spark and "Blam!!" And, as a great bonus the explosive residue coats the flamboyant protestors with little tatooed icons of Uncle Sam...or whoever your particular little partiotic symbol happens to be.
Blisterbob, Apr 05 2007

       Perhaps a flag with chemicals that cause a sense of terror would be better. That way the people will scatter in an actual flag burning, and attempt to escape the building as quickly as possible in an accident.   

       Of course, this will make it difficult to properly dispose of worn out flags. You do know that once they are old and nasty you're SUPPOSED to burn them?
ye_river_xiv, Apr 05 2007

       [Brau], do you mean 'Colombian'? Or actually 'Columbian'?   

       [BlisterBob] I think [xipetotec] might have something to say about that.   

       [ye] The terror inducing thing might turn into the latter stages of Batman Begins.   

       And by the time the flags are old and tattered the benzos will have probably decayed away or lost their potency.
theleopard, Apr 07 2007

       ... thought so...
theleopard, Apr 08 2007

       Could do with some of these today...
theleopard, Sep 14 2012

blissmiss, Sep 14 2012

       From that link:   

       "We used tear gas shells and lobbed gas grenades"   

       They lobbed grenades?! Were they throwing them from a playground stuck in the 90s?
theleopard, Sep 19 2012

       Stand by your flag...and give it all the... you can.
Lesser Spotted Kiwi, Sep 19 2012

       Yeah, I don't quiiiite believe that the guy died because of burning flag fumes. But, if thats what the Fox News guys said, who am I to argue?
AusCan531, Sep 19 2012

       Hemp can be made into fibres and into tough, durable fabrics, so perhaps flags should be made out of marijuana (which is a kind of hemp) so that frenzied flag-burning mobs would become relaxed and mellow?
hippo, Sep 19 2012

       Or extremely paranoid and want to go home and lock the doors. Ooh, Sesame Street! I might just treat myself to some Quavers and a cup of tea. And a blanket. There we are. Mmmm. Cosy and warm. Much better.
theleopard, Sep 19 2012


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