h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Berating scale
You have the arse of a turnip and you're stepping on my face | |
This personal weighing scale reads the data on any food market loyalty cards and becomes caustic.
"Oreos again? Looks like you'll need to start sucking out the middle."
"Coca-cola and no deodorant? Do you want cancer of the armpit?"
The data regarding eating habits stored* on loyalty cards would
also be uploaded, on a voluntary basis, to scientists doing observational studies. This could improve estimates comparing diets to disease rates.
* Probably not, but you should have control of that data, not supermarket chains.
[link]
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I've read that if you really want to berate someone, or cuss them, you
should learn Arabic. Supposedly it is the best language for "telling off"
other people. Sample insult: "May the fleas of a thousand camels
infest your armpits." |
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Polish is pretty good. Having heard a young Polish lady* berate her
boyfriend
for reasons incomprehensible, it is very clear that even if you don't
understand the words, the fact that you are being told off is absolutely
unmistakable, both to you and to everyone in the vicinity**. |
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*It is entirely possible, indeed likely, that had a translation been
available it would have established that while the young person was
definitely female, she definitely wasn't a lady. |
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** Outdoors, about five hundred metres radius. |
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[+] At the IBM dining hall years ago, two Russian Jews,
one of
them my friend Boris, were talking to each other and one
said something with the word Pashlee (which means "let's
go" or "go ahead"). I asked my friend over the noise:
"Boris!
Mah zeh Pashli?" (What does 'Pashli' mean?)" |
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His answer in a bellowing voice was heard across the
whole
hall: "Mashyeh! Eem atta lo yodea melah bRussitt all
taggid
ottah bekkole!" (Moshe! If you don't know a word in
Russian,
don't say it out loud!) |
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