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Bicycle Guard Goose
Because someone's friend's uncle definitely had their arm broken by a goose...
The history of human/animal symbiosis is long and noble.
There's a whole menagerie, canaries volunteering to test
mines, bears exercising their inalienable right to dance
barrel organ music, or mice leaping onto researcher's
syringes. The goose, often found bathing in the warmth
metal cupboard things in kitchens seldom gets to
display its talents while alive.
Now, I notice geese sort of "honk". A bit like those bulb-
horn things you may have seen on bicycles. Recently, my
bell was stolen. I could replace the bell with a live
It could sit, happily on my handlebars, and a timely prod
could elicit a honk to warn errant pedestrians. Further to
these duties, I could park my bike, safe in the knowledge
my 20lb goose would scare away potential thieves.
Everyone knows geese are dangerous, as a child I was
specifically told that a non-specific sort of relative was
some way maimed by an enraged goose, as such I stayed
away. These geese will be trained to be doggedly
territorial about the bycycle to which they are epoxied.
When parked in groups, the noise alone will be enough to
deter... people, in general. The ankle-deep goose shit
be an issue.
Poop problem solved!
Goose diapers [Canuck, Oct 07 2014]
[pocmloc, Oct 07 2014]
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||It's not about cargo weight. It's about cargo/bike weight. My
47lb "genuine English lightweight" is reasonably happy with a
case of beer in the basket. The brakes however...
||If the goose can be trained to extend its wings, there is a reasonable headwind, and the cyclist makes an average effort so as to achieve 10 to 15 knots IAS, then the weight of the goose will be much less of an issue.
||A specially designed platform for the goose to rest on, allowing it to remain in place, will be needed, as webbed feet are poorly adapted for gripping tubular handlebars. The alternative would be to use a trained eagle, which have an excellent grasp of things, particularly rabbits and lambs. However, the noise may not be as suitable.
||There is always the risk of triggering crashes through driver distraction, since seeing a cyclist go past with a goose on their handlebars is not exactly commonplace. But then, you can't please everyone.
||While an IAS readout would be valuable. It would require a
Pitot tube. That's a French invention. I have standards.
||Actually, because there's no need to automatically compensate
for significant changes in air density due to altitude, a hot-wire or
simple turbine anemometer might just be sufficient in most
cases. However, for the pedalling pedant, only a pitot will do.
||//significant changes in air density due to altitude//
||Well, there are circumstances in which there may be
marked changes in speed, altitude and perhaps local air
pressure due to weather/altitude combinations while
example, in the Tour de Fr.... shit.
||I've done many dozens of goose ideas throughout my stint here
on the bakery, but this, well this is just not going to work.
Sorry. Take it from a "real" goose lover, this ain't gonna work.
||Well I know that *I* wouldn't go anywhere near a bike being guarded by a goose. Those things are crazy. I'm probably less apprehensive about an angry dog than I am an angry goose, although that's probably more about being mentally prepared to defend myself from a dog, but not a big bird.
||That said, I think the owner would be savaged quite badly by said goose. I'm not convinced that a rampaging goose can tell friend from foe.
||Heh. My hillbilly grandfather had an attack turkey that lived under his front steps. The steps had only treads.
Nobody got to the front door without the old man calling off that bird.
||The geese were friendly though.