Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Big Man Second Belt and Christo Mu Mu

don't let an extra waist - go to waste
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(+8, -1)
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The exact positioning of the human waistline is in fact a mystery and remains a hotly debated topic in the line dancing community. Is it at hip level or is it higher - near the first rib?

I have noticed on some very large bellied creatures, the presence of two waists - in both positions mentioned above. Most people have a leaning towards the north or south waist and they stick to it and they will proudly display this preference - (waist swapping is generally considered a social taboo in most western cultures).

For those, however, who are ample in equatorial diameter there is no denying the appearance of both and in many cases additional waists - that are as enigmatic as they are nomadic!

The southern waist is used only to a certain belly size, as when stomach area mass reaches a certain unsupportable weight, the belt buckle becomes unfathomable and difficult to reach under the meaty cave like overhang.

At this point, southern waist it seems, is abandoned in favour of higher ground. The northern waist on portly men gives a Humpty Dumpty like appearance or a large sack of potatoes tied in the middle depending on surface tension.

These are the two major waists - as other fissures such as the water wing region, rear flesh curtains and Darwin's Cleft are not serious belt contenders - merely shifting tectonic flab.

Enter the Big Man Second Belt, which can be worn in several different ways. A pair of light comfortable trousers can be fastened on the northern waist, then a second heavier layer is slipped on over the top and secured beneath the southern overhang. This design brings a sleeker flow to both waists, making a bold contemporary fashion statement for the wearer- "I have two waists and I'm not afraid to use them!"

A more subtle configuration is the use of the second belt to hide first belt - a discreet ensemble finding the southern waist tie underneath the northern waist trousers/jeans/pantaloons etc.

As briefly discussed, additional waist postures can be alluded to by running a third belt from southern overhang right up across and into a rear flesh curtain - or back down under Darwin's Cleft if you can find someone to hold it in place long enough.

This is the male version of the Christo Mu Mu - a large dress customised for obese women with a series of tight strings to accentuate the undulating flesh cavities.

benfrost, Nov 15 2004


       Where does the Chihuahua go?
FarmerJohn, Nov 16 2004

       Not for the first time when reading one of your ideas:   

       Aaargh, my eyes.
david_scothern, Nov 16 2004

       //rear flesh curtain// Do I ever want to find out what one of these is? Likewise, //Darwin's Cleft//?
zen_tom, Nov 16 2004

       Linguistically delightful whilst anatomically obscure. All fashion statements should be constructed this way.
DrBob, Nov 16 2004

       It sounds like I should be concerned that you even know what a Christo Mu Mu is.
wagster, Nov 16 2004

       I'm just glad it was Christo and not Crisco for those undulating cavities.   

       Ay Ben, you crack me up.
Pericles, Nov 16 2004

       The chihuahua's are raising a family in a little outcrop just above Darwin's Cleft.   

       "What's that Lassie? Tommy's trapped in a lardslide up on ol' Christo Mu Mu?"   

       I never knew anatomy could be so... tectonic.
moomintroll, Nov 16 2004

       hahaha! ;)
benfrost, Nov 16 2004


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