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Brass Conkers

Bonker Conker
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Lovingly crafted by our crack team of trained foundry monkeys, these individually-cast bronze conkers feature a pre-drilled hole through which a length of sturdy cord can be threaded. Their surface is then machined to a rich chestnut, satin-gloss.

During an altercation, a gentleperson so equipped might enswhirle these about their person in such a crazed and frenzied a manner as to admonish no mean degree of perturbement upon his or her would-be assailants.

Should the occasion warrant, upon a different circumstance, a close inspection by an officer of the law yields little more than a conker, such as a 9-year-old might have about their pockets. Certainly, such an object would fail to qualify under many of the legislative classifications provided by the current legislation so proscribing the personal equipment of injurious articles.

zen_tom, Feb 06 2017

Brass vs Bronze http://www.diffen.c...nce/Brass_vs_Bronze
This is interesting - a whole website of comparsions [hippo, Feb 06 2017]

This, but in bronze https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conkers
Horse Chestnuts ? [popbottle, Feb 07 2017]

Video, complete with cute girls ... https://www.youtube...watch?v=cLGuZZraIqg
[normzone, Feb 08 2017]

[link]






       The title says "brass conkers", but they seem to have alchemically transmuted to bronze by the time we get to the idea description
hippo, Feb 06 2017
  

       Perhaps we could call it a brass monkey?   

       "You can have my weapon when my dead fingers are cold enough to pry it from."   

       Or something.
Loris, Feb 06 2017
  

       It's an odd expression that - surely it would be easier to pry something from warm dead fingers - i.e. before rigor mortis had set in? Also, why should the person doing the prying care about finger temperature? They're not going to have a digital thermometer (ha ha) on them, and whatever promises about waiting for your fingers to cool down they might have given you prior to your death you're never going to know what temperature your fingers were at when the prying was done.
hippo, Feb 06 2017
  

       // surely it would be easier to pry something from warm dead fingers //   

       Of course it would. The point is that you're saying to them "Even after I'm dead, I'm still going to be fighting to hold on to my weapon. I'm not going to make it easy for you."   

       Concealable weapon [+]
8th of 7, Feb 06 2017
  

       This suggests the need for a controlled, scientific study of gun-owners to see how many continue to fight for their right to bear arms following death.
hippo, Feb 06 2017
  

       Excellent idea. We will be delighted to introduce you to numerous gun owners for a free and frank exchange of fire ...
8th of 7, Feb 06 2017
  

       //alchemically transmuted to bronze// You know what, I have somehow, until today, managed not to know the difference between the two, imagining they were near synonymous. Bronze is better colour-wise, while Brass allows for various "Brass Monkey"/"Brass Knuckles" connectitive associations to be made. I'll try, Boris Johnson style to have my cake and eat it, until such time as I can't get away with it any further, and the whole sorry edifice comes crumbling down about my ears.   

       The thing I'm most worried about is that in the course of a frenzied defence, someone were to accidentally brain themselves, leaving their person open to an ensuing rob - this may be preferable to getting both robbed and stabbed, with the unwelcome consequence of laying that decision entirely into the hands of the assailant, who may not have an individual's best interests at heart, nor be well regarded in terms of their judicial competencies.
zen_tom, Feb 06 2017
  

       When you lack so much freedom you have to carry around a child's toy for self-defense.
Voice, Feb 06 2017
  

       Isn't socialism wonderful ?
8th of 7, Feb 06 2017
  

       //Brass Conkers//   

       As opposed to Crass Bonkers?
AusCan531, Feb 07 2017
  

       makes winning a conker fight almost impossible.
po, Feb 07 2017
  

       Certainly not - "Two falls, two submissions, or a knockout" ...
8th of 7, Feb 07 2017
  

       //When you lack so much freedom you have to carry around a child's toy for self-defense.//   

       "We're so safe all we carry for defence is a toy."
Loris, Feb 08 2017
  

       <Cole Sear>   

       "I see dead people."   

       </Cole Sear>
8th of 7, Feb 08 2017
  
      
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