h a l f b a k e r y
"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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The regular biathlon combines two conflicting human
activities into an interesting sport. The steadiness and
calmness required for good shooting vies against the
heart-pounding athleticism required to traverse one
end of the course to another in a minimal time. The
downside is that biathlons
require a very specific
weather condition i.e. snowiness which is only found
in temperate parts of the world during certain seasons.
My alternative sport BumberShooting can be carried
out in any city which experiences rain - which is to say
most all of them. 6 to 8 contestants at a time are
issued with paintball guns and a set number of
individually coloured paintballs. The athletes are then
released at one end of the city during the morning wet
weather commute and make their way to the Finish
Line by clambering over rooftops, fences and so on.
While traversing the course they are to mark as many
commuters umbrellas with their paintballs as possible.
Independent spotters would tally the count and award
points for each successful shot. To aid the TV
audience, each contestant should wear some sort of
colourful national headwear such as a keffiyeh, turban,
cowboy hat or perhaps just a balaclava emblazoned
with their national flag.
Like the biathlon, just being a good shot isnt enough
to win the athlete a gold medal because points are
awarded for finishing the course with a quick time. I
can envisage the best shooter still not winning
anything because they were just too slow or perhaps
they never ever show up at the Finish Line after being
tagged out by local police sharpshooters who werent
aware of the contest being underway.
||I like this a lot, but I'd think a more apt description might
be simply 'urban biathalon'. Or 'warm-weather biathalon', I
||//I'd think a more apt description might be simply
||So, it's not a game of runners vs. sharpshooters?
||I can't picture an umbrella being terribly robust against a paintball shot.
||Most of America thinks our 'trademark hat' of the cowboy hat as, well, weirdly country-western, and we're quite embarrassed at how popular country-western is as a musical genre in dance halls worldwide. It's like being known as the inventor of spam email.
||Individuals in other nations, I'm sure, have similar feelings about things like wooden shoes, leiderhosen, or polka...
||In general, the ridiculousness of a national icon is in direct proportion to how strongly the proponents of it feel, and in many states, the cowboy hat is jealously defended.
||//America thinks our 'trademark hat' of the cowboy hat//
Actually [RayfordSteele] I was thinking of a white Stetson
for the Calgarian/Canadian contingent and battered Akubras for the
Aussies. P'raps my US cousins would now consider
ridiculously-baggy trousers as their national garb. Kind of
an impediment for fence-clambering though.
||It's not about how fast you climb the fence, it's about how
f#%ing stupid you look doing it.