Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Urban Biathlon
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The regular biathlon combines two conflicting human activities into an interesting sport. The steadiness and calmness required for good shooting vies against the heart-pounding athleticism required to traverse one end of the course to another in a minimal time. The downside is that biathlons require a very specific weather condition i.e. ‘snowiness’ which is only found in temperate parts of the world during certain seasons.

My alternative sport “BumberShooting” can be carried out in any city which experiences rain - which is to say most all of them. 6 to 8 contestants at a time are issued with paintball guns and a set number of individually coloured paintballs. The athletes are then released at one end of the city during the morning wet weather commute and make their way to the Finish Line by clambering over rooftops, fences and so on. While traversing the course they are to mark as many commuters’ umbrellas with their paintballs as possible. Independent spotters would tally the count and award points for each successful shot. To aid the TV audience, each contestant should wear some sort of colourful national headwear such as a keffiyeh, turban, cowboy hat or perhaps just a balaclava emblazoned with their national flag.

Like the biathlon, just being a good shot isn’t enough to win the athlete a gold medal because points are awarded for finishing the course with a quick time. I can envisage the best shooter still not winning anything because they were just too slow or perhaps they never ever show up at the Finish Line after being “tagged out” by local police sharpshooters who weren’t aware of the contest being underway.

AusCan531, Aug 16 2011


       I like this a lot, but I'd think a more apt description might be simply 'urban biathalon'. Or 'warm-weather biathalon', I suppose.   

Alterother, Aug 16 2011

       //I'd think a more apt description might be simply 'urban biathalon'//   

       Oh I see. Done.
AusCan531, Aug 16 2011

       So, it's not a game of runners vs. sharpshooters?   

       I can't picture an umbrella being terribly robust against a paintball shot.   

       Most of America thinks our 'trademark hat' of the cowboy hat as, well, weirdly country-western, and we're quite embarrassed at how popular country-western is as a musical genre in dance halls worldwide. It's like being known as the inventor of spam email.
RayfordSteele, Aug 16 2011

       Individuals in other nations, I'm sure, have similar feelings about things like wooden shoes, leiderhosen, or polka...   

       In general, the ridiculousness of a national icon is in direct proportion to how strongly the proponents of it feel, and in many states, the cowboy hat is jealously defended.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 16 2011

       //America thinks our 'trademark hat' of the cowboy hat// Actually [RayfordSteele] I was thinking of a white Stetson for the Calgarian/Canadian contingent and battered Akubras for the Aussies. P'raps my US cousins would now consider ridiculously-baggy trousers as their national garb. Kind of an impediment for fence-clambering though.
AusCan531, Aug 16 2011

AusCan531, Aug 16 2011

       It's not about how fast you climb the fence, it's about how f#€%ing stupid you look doing it.
Alterother, Aug 17 2011


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