Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The word "How?" springs to mind at this point.

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Burlham Safety Post

Stay safe without style-cramping seatbelts
  (+1, -2)
(+1, -2)
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During World War I, when aircraft were first being introduced as a military asset, safety provisions were at a minimum. Seat belts were not commonly used due to the extra effort required to release oneself from the cockpit in the event of a crash landing. As you can imagine, fires frequently broke out after crashes, and to be caught in a burning plane made of cloth and wood meant certain death. Equally perilous was pilots falling from their aircraft when banking or diving, however, so something needed to be conceived to satisfy both needs. An Ace named Henry Burlham invented a device which was extremely simple and useful. The Burlham Safety Post enjoyed wide popularity among pilots. It consisted of a well-polished brass post mounted in the center of the seat which the pilot would sit on. To be clear, the post was inserted through a flap in the pilot’s uniform and into his rectum. When performing a maneuver that could throw the pilot from the aircraft, he would tighten his sphincter muscle and be able to maintain not only his position in the seat, but also excellent control of the plane. The device was eventually phased out as quick-release harnesses were invented. But many pilots from the era recollected the Burlham Safety Post fondly.

This idea could very easily be adapted for use in automobiles so that people who are opposed to seatbelts would have another option. In many US states, seatbelt use is required by law. This creates a great amount of tension especially among members of the NRA who don't want anyone telling them what they can and can't do. These people could simply opt to use the Burlham Safety Post instead of a seatbelt to allow them to quickly exit a burning vehicle while still maintaining excellent control just before a crash. They would also enjoy the idea that they have an option, like owning a gun or not.

There is also quite an uproar about recent school bus accidents where seatbelts could have prevented serious injury among children thrown about the inside of the bus like dolls. The Burlham Safety Post would be a far cheaper solution than installing shoulder belts or airbags on these buses. This version could be made of wood or plastic instead of brass to save drastically on cost.

There is a huge style aspect to this idea as well. Just picture a tricked-out Honda Civic with the neon light underneath, air foils on both the rear deck and on the windshield wipers, a super loud stereo, and a neon Burlham Safety Post displayed proudly on the driver's seat.

Quispy, Jan 09 2004

(???) Another Safety Pole http://www.gneil.co...1624.asp?cat_id=146
I think I prefer this one, which might be usefully installed in the halfbakery. [kropotkin, Oct 04 2004]


       duck everyone, polepants are back...with a certain je ne sais quoi
po, Jan 09 2004

       //But many pilots from the era recollected the Burlham Safety Post fondly.//   

       And went on to become successful night club owners...
k_sra, Jan 09 2004

       So you're saying instead of wearing a seatbelt, you suggest we stick a metal pole up our ass?
Teh Muffin Man, Jun 22 2007

       The internet shos approximately five results for a search on "Burlham Safety Post". All of them refer to material produced by this guy. Can an idea be marked for deletion on the basis that the whole premise is lies?
david_scothern, Jun 23 2007

       While I'm all for emefdeeing this one, [deletion on the basis that the whole premise is lies] would remove significant portions of the 'bakery.
normzone, Jun 24 2007

       It's not the first time that someone has made up fiction around a legitimate invention - a fake history isn't so different from a fake company name or fake advertising copy. Yes, some people are going to fall for it, but then, we also still get subscription attempts for the machine that does math homework.   

       What else a reader makes of this probably depends on whether butt = funny. Meh.
jutta, Jun 24 2007

       I'm afraid it didn't work for me. I may have to cut the pole down to a manageable 6".
jethrotull, Jun 24 2007

       I've seen this on a gyrocopter seat, with a trailer ball, as a joke. Practically, it wouldn't be secure at all, and would cause some severe injuries in a head-on crash.
baconbrain, Jun 24 2007

       I think the reason for emefdeeing this would be that, amusing as it is, it's a recycled idea - a joke re-posted from elsewhere, which I don't like.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 24 2007

       Which makes it not original, and therefore a violation of the rules: "Ideas for inventions for the halfbakery should be original to the poster and should, as far as the poster knows, not exist already."   

       Thus, [marked-for-deletion].
nuclear hobo, Jun 24 2007

       From the name on the website that "Quispy" is telling us in his profile to go to, I conclude that the author of the 1999 post is the same as the halfbakery account holder. (That is the prior art we're all looking at, right?)   

       So, it's old, but it's original to the poster - not an MFD. (And yeah, I don't like recycles much, either, but arguably that's how this site started - and "I had this on my home website, now I want a wider audience" is better than "I had this on this *other* post-your-own-idea website, and those people didn't like it, so I'm trying it out here.")
jutta, Jun 25 2007


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