Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Apply directly to forehead.

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CD Detonator

Burning at the speed of light
  [vote for,

As you make your final selection of files in your authoring program, you grin. You are about to test your latest gadget: the CD detonator. You click the "Detonate" button, and the countdown begins.

The software begins transferring your files to the detonator's internal RAM. No two meg buffer here; the detonator houses a full discs worth of memory. At the same time, you notice a peculiar high pitched whining. At first you think it to be the disc spinning up, but the detonator has no spindle motor.

As the hard drive chatters away, trying to keep up with the detonator's amazing serial ATA transfer rates, the whining grows louder. It sounds almost electrical, similar to the flash circuits of some cameras. Indeed, the detonator is charging a large bank of supercapacitors, storing up some 190 million joules of energy.

As the countdown approaches its final moments, the detonator lowers a thick copper plate onto your CDR. It is needed to prevent it from bursting into flames. The countdown finishes, pausing for a few ominous milliseconds as it checks the parity of its memory and the energy levels of its capacitors.

Finally, the detonator releases an enormous CRACK as the capacitors dump all of their energy into the detonator's six billion microscopic lasers, burning every pit simultaneously in a fraction of a second.

The copper plate conducts the waste heat energy of the lasers, and is lifted from the disc shortly before ejection. A few seconds later, the copper plate is also ejected, preventing excess heat buildup inside your computer by radiating its energy outside the case. You pick it up and set your croissant on it to warm it up.

The detonator retains its memory for a possible duplicate detonation, and coolly reminds you to replace the copper plate before the next detonation.

Aq_Bi, Jul 04 2005

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       "bettah get dat plate, biatch!"
daseva, Jul 04 2005

       Is everybody in? Is EVERYBODY in? The ceremony is about to begin.
bloody hell, sorry folks,.....
"when play dies it becomes the Game
When sex dies it becomes the Climax.
More or less we're all afflicted with the psychology of the voyeur. Not in a strictly clinical or criminal sense, but in our whole physical and emotional stance before the world. Whenever we seek to break this spell of passivity, our actions are cruel and awkward and generally obscene, like an invalid who has forgotten how to walk."
(I - am Happiness, <too few do I know> ** I been a searchin (for somewhere to go) ain't nowhere I know. Now this you know, I ain't high, I ain't low, you I ain't above & you I ain't below! I know, I know, I know! Try riden' tru the needle's eye. Only stubborn mon won go an try!.
East to West.... There ain't no place I can go!....I am happiness.
Zimmy, Jul 04 2005

       Could the same device be used to give people interesting (machine readable?) tatoos?
zen_tom, Jul 04 2005

       It'd be great if the drive started gushing dry-ice "smoke" just before firing, like the detonation sequence from "Alien" - could be useful for pre-cooling the copper. [+]
coprocephalous, Jul 04 2005

wagster, Jul 04 2005

       I should mention the other benefit of this device: you have near instant access to the disc once it is loaded in the RAM. No more waiting for it to spin up, and the seek time is incredible.   

       There will of course be a dry ice reservoir above the copper. And a nice bright flash at the time of detonation.
Aq_Bi, Jul 04 2005

Basepair, Jul 04 2005

       I don't think the CD will need to spin, but the sound effect will be better.
Ling, Jul 05 2005

       What [wagster] said.
DesertFox, Feb 02 2006

       Sign on research laser at my local university's physics department: "Do not look into laser beam with remaining eye".
spidermother, Mar 06 2006

       Superb. I want one. [+]
K o R, Jan 12 2007

wagster, Jan 12 2007


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